To ask you to admit doing the annoying things people on MN complain about?

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For an anonymous internet forum, it continually strikes me as odd that people very rarely admit to engaging in the problematic or annoying behaviours complained about on here - it's always someone else doing it, apparently. Whether it's hogging the middle lane on the motorway, having kids who are out of control in public places, being a noisy neighbour or not picking up dog poo, people on MN constantly complain about these things happening around them but if no one on here admits to doing it, who are all these offenders? For example, several people in my neighbourhood are leaving their dog's poo around constantly, but when this is brought up on here every single dog owner loudly exclaims that it it's these dog owners who give them a bad name, that they never go out walking without carrying several bags for good measure! Same with bad driving - people on here love calling out driving pet peeves, but surely at least some people on here are engaging in those very same behaviours e.g. tailgating, driving too slowly or bad parking, that everyone complains about?

Are people on here just squeaky clean or in denial? I admit it, I do hog the middle lane sometimes, there you go 😬

I have a dog that very occasionally forgets that it has excellent recall when it wants to play with other dogs.

I know this, yet I still let it off the lead and let it approach other dogs.😱

(I do, however, always pick up poo and always put him on a lead if the other dog is leashed. He never goes up to people - he’s not interested in them.)

I do it too, in some supermarkets.

In my defence, I have to open my car door really wide to get out, following a less than wholly successful knee replacement, and the spaces at the nearest supremarket were clearly designed for nothing larger than a Mark 1 mini. The p&c spaces are actually big enough for me to get out of the car, which is handy, as we don't yet have drive through supermarkets.

I have a bog brush too, plus I hate taking my shoes off in other people's houses and find going barefoot uncomfortable and cold.

And any pious twat who sits near me in a pub garden, when my cigs and lighter are clearly visible on the table, and then complains about the smoke when I spark one up, can go fuck themselves.

@JudgeJ I've covered this only this week. Someone sat on my carrier bag without checking. I have no idea why except that she was making a point. The bag didn't contain anything squashable, as I suspect she hoped, but a stone garden ornament of a pig. She balanced unsteadily on it for a while until I said: "Would you like me to move my bag?" and she said yes. I bet those twin bruises caused by the downward force of her arse of the stone pig's ears lasted on her bum cheeks for a week. If she had said: "Move your bag" I'd have said yes. She wouldn't have even had to say please and I'd have said: "sorry, I didn't see you there." But she didn't. We live and learn.

Yes, she should certainly have asked first. I'm not at all shy about asking someone if they could please move their bag and so far, nobody has ever refused. If they did, though, then yes, of course I'll move it so I can sit down. I won't throw it or anything, but I'm not standing so a bag can have a seat.

I’m a bit confused though @limitedperiodonly because your original claim was that you don’t move it, but point to vacant seats. This suggests perhaps that there were no vacant seats, which is why people get annoyed by the bag trick.
Or am I missing something?
Well done on rescuing the young girl.

Oh, I missed that that was the same person.

Ok, yes. So do you move your bag when asked like a normal person or do you grunt, gesture and ignore like a rude, antisocial and entitled one? I'm sitting down either way.

You shouldn't be taking up seats with bags if it's starting to get crowded anyway.

@limitedperiodonly on the rare occasion I’m on public transport I also put my bag on the seat next to me because otherwise creepy weirdos sit next to me when other seats are free

My DH smacks my arse now and again in the house or pinches my bum for example when I’m washing dishes. I don’t call 999 and report him for sexual assault.

Can the bags on seats crew answer my question - when you say 'other seats are free' do you mean:

• Other double seats
• Single seats next to other passengers

Other double seats - fine. Other single seats - what makes you special above the other passengers who probably would prefer to keep the double seat to themselves too?

@AnApparitionQuipped other double seats.

I must have a sign on my forehead that only appears on public transport which says “Smelly overweight men, ignore that double seat and come sit here and lean into me”

Completely understandable in that case, thanks for clarifying.

Of course they'll say that.

Another who gets groped by my DH and in no way finds it an issue.

I also grope him back.

Both of us know if we asked the other not to they would instantly apologise and stop.

Neither of us is abusing the other. It's how we show affection/give a hint that their luck is in later if they want it.

It's important to remember this is Mumsnet not a court of law so enough of the "your original claim" nonsense@NoNameNowAgain.

I am confused by your confusion. If someone wants to sit next to me on public transport they can because it is public transport. But if there are other seats available I wonder why they have a burning desire to do that. Maybe you wouldn't wonder but I do.

In that case I think "does this person need to sit next to me immediately because they are older and even more decrepit than me or could they go and sit over there?"

It takes but a moment to work that out. Often I stand up and offer my seat. But if someone insists on sitting next to me because they enjoy it like @FortunesFavour has said that's a bit creepy and threatening isn't it?

When people say "Can you move your bag please?" they are not asking you for this pleasure of this dance. They just want you to move your bag so they can sit down. The normal response in a crowded carriage is: "Sorry, I didn't see you" and move it unless it the carriage is not crowded in which case the response should be "I am flattered by your attraction but I would like you to sit over there."

@limitedperiodonly
Why is it creepy for another woman to sit next to you when the only other seats are next to men?
Why is sitting next to you more creepy than sitting next to any other woman?
I’m still baffled.

Just done a massive motorway drive - middle lane hogging is endemic 🙄🙄 almost equal split of sexes if anything slightly more male hoggers than female it has to be said

No, that's not a normal response even if there are free double seats elsewhere (and we all know that if you do this, you're not actually bothered about that). A person may have reasons not to sit in one of those; they may need a bar to get up or not want to walk further back if they struggle on moving vehicles.

I do agree that there's a bit of an unspoken rule about avoiding sitting next to someone if you can, but a) almost nobody sits next to someone if they don't have to and b) it's public transport and those seats are available to anyone. You don't get to commandeer them with your bag and weird, antisocial, passive aggressive comments about how everyone just wants you so badly.

I once had a man sit next to me on an otherwise completely empty carriage. Yes, that's weird but it's not at all what you're talking about. I got up and moved to the far end and luckily he didn't follow. If he had, I'd have moved to the next carriage and if there had been a woman there and he had followed, yes, I'd have sat next to her. Sorry, but it's public transport. We'd all rather pay economy and travel first class but we can't.

@NoNameNowAgain why would you or anyone choose to sit next to a stranger of either sex if there were other seats available? I chat to anyone but close inspection of Mumsnet shows that many people are more introspective to the extent of not even opening their doors.

If I get onto the Victoria Line at Victoria tube station in London I usually have to sit next to people if I get a seat at all because it is crowded. If I'm sitting in the middle I often say to people: "would you like to swap seats?" so they can chat to their friends. But at certain times of the day or night it is not that crowded and I get a lone seat.

If I got on at Debden near the eastern start of the Central Line which I sometimes do it would be weird and creepy to have someone - man or woman - sitting right next to me. It would be beyond weird to have someone claiming "your bag hasn't paid for a seat". Context is all. Do you insist on sitting next to people when there is somewhere else to sit?

@ReneBumsWombats people sitting next to for no reason at all is exactly what I'm talking about. Would you do it?

There is a reason. It's an available seat on public transport. You do not have the right to dictate to people where they go.

So are you now saying that if someone asks you to move your bag, you do move it? You don't just gesture, ignore and hope you frighten them into compliance with social awkwardness and rudeness?

“NoNameNowAgain why would you or anyone choose to sit next to a stranger of either sex if there were other seats available?”
I’m assuming that the other available seats are next to somebody else. That’s the impression you gave.

If this were an 'AIBU not to move my bag' sort of thread, I'd agree with you, Rene but since they have come onto this thread on the premise their behaviour would fall into the 'annoying' category anyway, I'm prepared to believe the way they've qualified the statement.

I'm sceptical. These threads always attract people who want to explain why they're right anyway. Look at all the middle lane hoggers!

To be honest, if there's a double seat available but it's right at the back, where I prefer not to sit because you often get groups of loud people there, or perhaps I'm just a lazy arse that day and don't fancy the few extra steps, yes, I might take a seat next to someone if that's the only alternative. Never been a problem so far. It's public transport, what do people think that means?

If there are so many empty double seats, get up and move to one of them yourself. If they then come and sit next to you again, they're obviously following you, but how likely is that? And in that case, weird comments about how much they must want your body aren't going to help. You'd be better off talking to the driver, changing carriages if it's a train, or sitting next to someone else.