AIBU to want to go out without stepchildren?

[Humal93]

It is half term this week and I have 2 step children and a baby who is 2. I have been wanting to go out to see a friend for a coffee or simply go to hers for a catch up. I have not been out with a friend since we got together, being busy and all.

I asked my partner if I could go to see an old school friend who is having a hard time, but without the children, but that I would take baby as he may cry etc. He was off with me and didn't seem too happy.

I have waited months for their bio mum to take the 2 eldest for the weekend so I could do my own thing for once. However, this hasn't happened in a while and I don't want them to feel left out or anything, but I've waited a long time and really just want some time to talk to a friend without anyone listening in as I'm sure she would appreciate too.

We have not seen each other in a few years, only maintaining contact via chats/videos so would like the first meet in a long time to be more open and free, if that makes sense.

My question is, am I wrong to want to go out without the step children?

Yes I totally get that your conversation and the dynamic will be more difficult with older children there. The other option is to go without any children if he’s 2 and doesn’t need to be there for breastfeeding etc. It’s not healthy to not be able to have your own time with a friend.

Leave the baby too and have a nice time, only one child is your responsibility - all three are his. He can look after his own kids.

The fact is, it sounds as though this lady provides the lion's share of child care anyway. Even if they were her children, it would be advisable to take breaks from time to time, for the good of the kids too. The very fact that she isn't 'just going' and is thinking of asking his permission shows that she is mindful of him and not the neglectful IDGAS hoochie momma type you're trying to portray

Not portraying anyone as DGAS
But realistically , if Parent Dad is working long hours , and it is Half Term. Parent Mum looks like they aren't even on the radar anyway .
Op /Step Mother hasn't seen her friend in years and decides Half Term is the time to do so .
Leaving the Dad to sort out childvare for - yes , I know - his children.

I;m just saying it isn't always easy to arrange .
And yes it sounds like this has gone on for god knows how long .

And if this was the case she'd have mentioned it ? Maybe she doesn't want to give too much info .
If her DP was in medical care , (for example) they would be short stafffed due to school holidays anyway .

Leave them all with dad and if the baby cry so be it.
You need a break from all four of them!

You are allowed to go out without children. Without your own children, without someone else's children. You're a human individual and you exist for more than housework, childcare and servicing a man's needs.

I'm guessing you've done nonstop domestic stuff all half term? You want him to look after his own children for a few hours and he's acting like you shat in his bed?

Have a think about it.

I can't even believe I'm reading this. You are asking your husband permission to go visit a friend without his children in tow?? Tell him what you're doing, don't ask.

Utterly unreasonable.

I have not been out with a friend since we got together, being busy and all

Why the hell haven't you been allowed out without a child/partner for 3+ years? Why does he need to give his permission for you to go out??

DH I'm seeing Mandy Saturday, there's nothing on the diary.
Don't worry I'll take Emmie so you don't have to juggle all three.

Even better....

DH I've seeing Mandy Saturday, there's nothing on the diary. Happy to have the kids X time if you want some time to yourself too.

It would be a "you don't mind if I...." in our hoise but we know the answer is always "of course that's fine"

YANBU.

you are entitled to child free tie with a friend regardless of if they are bio of step children.

do they live with you?

Tell your hubby to look after them!

I agree with the others your being taken for a ride.

Why would you take the 2 year old? They'll surely be a pain... unless they're 2 months...

Step or biological it’s nice to go out without your children sometimes!!

however please note your two year old is NOT a baby!! He’s probably quite an advanced toddlers heading for being a preschooler.

What? Why are you asking him? You tell him. First & foremost, he is their parent. Secondly, the above also applies if they were your own biological children with him. Go out- he is responsible for them!

You should be able to go out without any children at all. I am assuming the youngest is 2 years not 2 months in which case your partner really should be able to look after them as they're a toddler now and not as demanding as a baby. It sounds like your partner isn't doing enough to help you and is being really unfair. Hope you are OK x

From title I was ready to jump to yes because you don’t just leave our stepchildren. In this context though, frankly, YABU to take the little one too. He has three kids and they are all old enough to be without you for a couple hours - 2 is hardly a baby. He can watch all three. You enjoy catching up.