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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours ALWAYS out the front!

98 replies

cherrymilkshake · 25/10/2022 11:52

I need to have a rant about my neighbours.
They are constantly out the front of their house!
They are a nice elderly couple but they are really keen to talk to anyone they can so they spend as much time as possible doing "jobs" out the front.

This is causing me and DH quite a lot of stress because when going to and from work, or picking our DD up from nursery they want a chat, and I don't mean a quick one, I mean a full on catch up and we just don't have the time for it; nor do I want to be that friendly with them.
Sounds harsh but I've never had neighbours so interested in my life before, and they dote on my DD like she's their grandchild and it's a bit too much for me. (I'm bracing myself for the replies after writing that bit!)

We also have another DC on the way and I'm already nervous of maternity leave and being bothered whenever we're in the garden (the man talks over the fence 🙄) and probably getting knocks in the door when I'm sleeping etc!

Sounds awful but the man is 77 and I'm wondering when he might slow down a bit.. anyone else had a similar situation?

OP posts:
vodkaredbullgirl · 25/10/2022 11:55

Just politely say, that you not got time to stop and chat.

NewIdeasToday · 25/10/2022 11:59

Just say hi and keep walking if you’re too busy.

to be honest though, given all the complaints about neighbours that you see on here, and friendly neighbours doesn’t sound like the worse thing. Maybe they are just a bit lonely and cut off.

SheWoreYellow · 25/10/2022 12:00

I agree, just say hello and keep walking.

cantun · 25/10/2022 12:09

Yanbu.

Elderly retired couple here fo that. He seems to invent jobs to do, as most of their front garden is concrete, just a lot of pots, bushes a flowerbed. Sometimes he'll just hang around waiting for someone to come by. They'll have someone captive and the wife will come out as well.

I ignored mine years ago because they're also awful gossips and the man will stand and stare at women and children going past according to some neighbours. They're a neighbourhood joke here, which I'd find funny but for that.

I think they're both bored realistically. My grandparents are older but one still works as an occasional history teacher and my grandmother has many hobbies.

KalaniM · 25/10/2022 12:10

Having noisy anti social neighbours is a nightmare, so this is a walk in the park in a way… think of them as a friends parents.. kind of extended family. Be nice and also be in control, so like say hi, isn’t it a lovely day ! without breaking your stride. Perfect the art of warm one liners and then once a week or so share five minutes for mutual regard. I must admit I like multi generational communities and am willing to do my bit.
Ive had friends with overly chatty small children so I guess I’m used to the art of “distract and move on”..

incandescentglow · 25/10/2022 12:10

it's annoying but pretend you're on the phone when you walk past them, or just hold it to your ear they're much less likely to pester you then

Overandunderit · 25/10/2022 12:10

Just say "Hello, busy day ! bye"

YellowTreeHouse · 25/10/2022 12:12

YANBU. They’re being nosey busybody’s. Just say hi and keep walking every single time.

Eventually they’ll get the message not to harass you.

FrownedUpon · 25/10/2022 12:12

Perhaps have some empathy for them. They’re not actual doing anything wrong, they’re lonely, just as you may be one day.

Just politely say you’re busy & can’t talk. It’s not that difficult surely.

marmaladepop · 25/10/2022 12:21

FrownedUpon · 25/10/2022 12:12

Perhaps have some empathy for them. They’re not actual doing anything wrong, they’re lonely, just as you may be one day.

Just politely say you’re busy & can’t talk. It’s not that difficult surely.

This. I hear you OP - I've probably felt like this when my kids were younger at times and your busy dashing here there and everywhere. I'm now dealing with the other end of the spectrum whereby my mum is housebound caring for my dad, who has dementia. She's so desperate for social interaction, my DS and I often joke that she'll be dragging tradesmen who pass her driveway in for a chat soon! It's really sad and she's really just lonely.

catandcoffee · 25/10/2022 12:25

Sounds like my type of hell. No idea how to handle it bit you've got my sympathy.

KettrickenSmiled · 25/10/2022 12:25

This is causing me and DH quite a lot of stress because when going to and from work, or picking our DD up from nursery they want a chat, and I don't mean a quick one, I mean a full on catch up and we just don't have the time for it; nor do I want to be that friendly with them.

So ... don't chat to them.
When they hail you, expecting conversation, a breezy "hi how are you, can't stop, loads to do!" will suffice.
The trick is to KEEP WALKING.
Do not slow your pace, & definitely do not stop.
What do you think will happen - they will throw themselves into your path & physically arrest you?

If you assertively, & consistently, stick to this one simple plan, they will get the message.

ginghamstarfish · 25/10/2022 12:27

Sounds like a bit of a pain, but you could have far worse! I'd keep it friendly, say hello, maybe pretend to be on the phone, or say sorry you've got a lot on etc.

Icedlatteplease · 25/10/2022 12:30

Yy to" lovely to see you how are you? Must get on"

I would also stop for a chat occasionally (without the kids) you never know when someone who knows everything and everyone might be incredibly useful

KettrickenSmiled · 25/10/2022 12:30

I'm already nervous of maternity leave and being bothered whenever we're in the garden (the man talks over the fence 🙄) and probably getting knocks in the door when I'm sleeping etc!

You need this book OP.
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

"Hi again neighbour. You're always so cheerful & friendly, but I prefer not to chat over the fence, so I'll catch you another time."
"Hi neighbour - just enjoying the garden & focusing on my DC today, so I won't stop to chat, nice to see you, catch you later."

Knocks on the door -
"Hi! I'm on maternity leave with the new one so my sleep pattern is all over the place. Please would you leave a note if you need me, instead of knocking, as I need to nap while DC sleeps & am desperate to catch up!"

Brigante9 · 25/10/2022 12:31

Agree, keep walking, breezy hello, dash past. If they knock when you’re on mat leave, tell them not to, you never know when you might need a nap. I’m an anti-social moo, I don’t want that kind of relationship with my neighbours.

FrenchOnionShoeBox · 25/10/2022 12:32

I wouldn’t bank on them slowing down. My granddad laid a driveway in his mid-80s and doing his own garden into his late 90s.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 25/10/2022 12:33

Hi, sorry to cut you short, must dash as I'm running late

Hello, lovely to see you, I'm late ,you know how it is!

Gorgeous day, were just on our way out!

I mean , you are complaining about people being in their own gardens and being friendly, seriously?

hotdiggetydog · 25/10/2022 12:35

You'll be old one day too.

ilovesooty · 25/10/2022 12:42

Look on the bright side. Neighbours who are always around reduce the risk of crime and antisocial behaviour.

There are plenty of polite ways to forge your own boundaries if you want to.

fruitbrewhaha · 25/10/2022 12:46

Honestly, is this really a problem? My
neighbours are too nice?

Just be honest and say “morning! No time to chat” but make time to say hello another time, or at the weekend.

There are hundreds of threads on here of awful people who torment their neighbours. You have people who are kind and would probably help you out if needed. One day you may need a hand with some house maintenance and they can advise or some gardening, or maybe even help with the kids. Just be nice and give them a little bit of time when you can and be honest when you can’t.

BrioNotBiro · 25/10/2022 12:46

I think this is so sad, that friendly neighbours are seen as a source of stress and a problem. No wonder communities are breaking down.

blippi123 · 25/10/2022 12:50

OP, I have a neighbour who lives directly opposite my driveway and he will actually wait at his gate for people to pass so he can talk to them

Over the years I've actually not gone out the front of the house to do say cut the hedge if he's there as it can't be a simple Hello, it has to be a big conversation

I've got to the stage now after nearly twelve years where I'm bordering on rude, he came up my driveway a few months back whilst I was painting the fence and tried to start a conversation so I just gave one word answers

It didn't help him thinking it was appropriate to question the colour and also size of brush I was using

I just say Hello to him and continue walking now, I don't want a ten minute conversation

Thistooshallpsss · 25/10/2022 12:53

There’s so much talk of it takes a village to raise children etc and ask a neighbour if you are stuck for a bit of help but complaining because people want to have a chat is so sad. Also one day you might be lonely and need to talk to people. Just saying

Prinnny · 25/10/2022 12:53

Bloody hell I’d rather have them for neighbours than you!

Just use your big girl words to cut the convo short, ‘oh that’s fabulous Mr X but I must get on mums work is never done haha’ big smile done, bright and breezy but polite.