Neighbours ALWAYS out the front!

[cherrymilkshake]

I need to have a rant about my neighbours.
They are constantly out the front of their house!
They are a nice elderly couple but they are really keen to talk to anyone they can so they spend as much time as possible doing "jobs" out the front.

This is causing me and DH quite a lot of stress because when going to and from work, or picking our DD up from nursery they want a chat, and I don't mean a quick one, I mean a full on catch up and we just don't have the time for it; nor do I want to be that friendly with them.
Sounds harsh but I've never had neighbours so interested in my life before, and they dote on my DD like she's their grandchild and it's a bit too much for me. (I'm bracing myself for the replies after writing that bit!)

We also have another DC on the way and I'm already nervous of maternity leave and being bothered whenever we're in the garden (the man talks over the fence 🙄) and probably getting knocks in the door when I'm sleeping etc!

Sounds awful but the man is 77 and I'm wondering when he might slow down a bit.. anyone else had a similar situation?

OP, from a Neighbourhood Watch point of view, the best thing you can have in your street is a "Nosey Neighbour".

They miss nothing and will be first to dial 101 if there is a problem.

They are like gold - cherish them.

In all seriousness though, can I expect the man by 80 to slow down a bit?

Not if he's anything like my uncle, who is 90 and still hikes for miles, writes very, shall we say, robust opinion pieces for his local newspaper and talks the ear off anyone who comes within a mile radius of him🤣

It does annoy me though, that not wanting to chat is seen as unfriendly or offensive. I'm not great in social situations but I can cope with a happy medium, which is what I have with my lovely neighbour. We stand and pass the time of day from time to time - sometimes a couple of days in a week, then nothing for a month - and the rest of the time we wave and smile or say 'hello, lovely/rotten day, isn't it?' and get on with our day. If she was ambushing me every day, then I would try to avoid her in any way I could because it would become something very stressful instead of the relaxed situation I have now. People's desire to chat shouldn't trump people's desire to keep themselves to themselves. We are all different.

We had this last year. Elderly male neighbour, couldn’t go into the back garden for a cigarette or hanging your washing out without him approaching for a conversation (I’m talking like 20 minutes not 5) Was fine at first but bloody tiresome after awhile We even took to taking the bins out when it was dark but he would just investigate by the window and then come out! My sister(20) refused to go outside for over a year because it was simply too much for her. People don’t realise how intrusive and irritating it can get.

Seriously, it's not hard to just say hello as you pass and answer any follow up with a breezy "Sorry, can't stop just now!". Don't stop walking and just carry on.

Learn to cultivate your rudeness, it's a bloody wonderful skill.

Ah, but then she wouldn't be able to keep regaling us with more non events the neighbours have done. (Sprinkled with a hefty dose of ageism)
Never mind OP, maybe he'll die soon.

Exactly, which is why the guilt trippy posts miss the point. I say this as someone who is actually pally with a lot of my neighbours... and they don't behave like this.

When I'm in my 70s I certainly wouldn't make the couple in their 30s next door feel this way! If anything I would desperately try not to be an annoying old neighbour.

Instead you’ll just post about them on a worldwide public forum? In terms of who is the most annoying neighbour I know which one gets my vote…

We have elderly chatty neighbours and they are lovely. Admittedly sometimes I delay going out because I can hear them out the front.
If I do have to rush I apologise after a couple of pleasantries. They really are lovely and I would drop anything to help them if necessary and they know that .
Chatty neighbours I would take over noisy neighbours any time .

Gosh you must have not had bad neighbours before if this bothers you. They are probably lonely and bored. Just say ‘sorry I need to go to pick up/an appointment’ and walk off/inside. If you do have time one day I’m sure they appreciate a chat!

Also surely they’ll do it less going into winter with bad weather and dark evenings

" Hi, lovely day today, sorry we're in a rush, no time to chat, byeeee"

This ^

It is reasonable to find it mildly irritating, but if this causes you a lot of stress you possibly both need to come up with a sensible strategy for dealing with very mundane mildly irritating situations like this without feeling stressed, or try cognitive behavioural therapy!

Oh i feel your pain.

We have Barbara who haunts the house on the corner. 15 minutes before the school run she'll pop out and sweep her immaculate driveway, just lurking, waiting to pounce on whoever walks past for a chat. And then she stays out there till half past three collaring unsuspecting people walking back from the school run. All under the pretence shes just out there sweeping her driveway, for 45 minutes, twice a day.

And its never just a one minute hi, how are you. Its always eternity. My dd walks home from school by herself, and opts to walk the longer route to avoid getting caught by Barbara. Shes out there, rain or shine, waiting to chew your ear off and update you all about her sons girlfriend's new job and the gossip about the people who live at number 76, and her old colleague who she worked with 17 years ago and and and.

I don't care about any of it Barbara. I really honestly don't.

I think people underestimate how incredibly invasive and stressful this can be!

We lived nextdoor to an elderly lady who would wait at the window for anyone going past and ambush them. She would talk in monologues so it was impossible to breezily extract yourself, she would also make up reasons she needed help to get you in to her house. She was also racist and incredibly judgmental but it felt very difficult to challenge in a "harmless" old lady! It was awful, she made me late for work so many times, caused so much stress and we felt like prisoners in our own home.

By contrast we then moved to a horrible flat where the aggressive neighbours dealt drugs and we frequently had to call the police at night when they were screaming at eachother. That was also awful, but in all honesty the old lady was worse because it was so invasive! At least we could ignore the awful neighbours and they never made us last for work!

YANBU

you are entitled to privacy, whilst others may see this as being unreasonable, neighbours being at the front all the time qawking at your every move and constantly wanting your attention is invasive and can be quite stressful for yourself and possibly any visitors you have and make you feel like a prisoner in your own home. Yes on the list of potential problems people can have with their neighbours it might seem not as important as others but it can still wreck havoc on your mental health.

smile, wave and keep walking

This most definitely!

The 'nice old man and woman' after retirement made it their full time occupation to wait and watch for the neighbours and were just nasty gossips. People, mostly those who stopped engaging with them, would find themselves reported to the council for tiny maintenance or parking related nonsense, and two families reported to social services, not because of abuse but because they hadn't been seen lately by him (cleared up by a phone call with the school and parents and dismissed as malicious in both cases).

They were also loud outside and disturbing to those working from home during the day. Talking to passers by what felt like constantly. They grew worse, even bringing deckchairs to the front in summer, not reading or doing anything just watching, and the man started ironing in his front sitting room window so he didn't miss out on anything.

They were not an asset to the community. Far from it. I refused to engage with them from the outset, though I had to dispense with the polite hello as they were so blunt and thick skinned.

It's perfectly possible to look out for your neighbours without being subjected to 20minutes of daily chitchat you do not wish to have.

Run you to the garage to collect your car? Pick up some shopping for you while I'm out? Dogsit for a weekend? Let in tradespople while you're at work?
No problem at all.

Yapping at me in the street when I want to be elsewhere? Problem.

Apologies @IFrequentlyChangeMyUsername I po-facedly missed your intent.

On threads like these there is always somebody who pops up to cry "move house" as if they've never heard the phrase "out of the frying pan into the fire".

Annoying humans exist wherever humans live.
The only way to avoid them is to assertively & courteously refuse to get embroiled.

You are probably engaging too much and giving off the wrong cues

As you get out of the car walk straight to your door say hello and wave - keep doing this and DONT STOP to talk .. keep walking

I know how you feel though. Had lovely neighbours but a “Good Morning” would turn into the life story of someone I dont know/never met
You can still be polite but just dont stop walking

Oh God. I was going to say you were being a bit unreasonable until I read the knocks on the door while you are sleeping ..then all bets are off!!! I would HATE that lol. Do they knock often?

They are a nice elderly couple but they are really keen to talk to anyone they can so they spend as much time as possible doing "jobs" out the front.

At least they appear to be doing something. Our neighbour literally just hovers outside his house or ambles up and down the road looking for conversation - you’d think I was talking about some old lonely pensioner, no he’s in his late twenties. And lives with his girlfriend. They have family and friends around regularly. She seems fairly normal, I don’t know what she makes of his weird behaviour. He’s nice enough but DH and I have made it politely clearly we’ve got no time for his chit chat - just a ‘hi’ and walk past.
You do need to be assertive here - you can’t blame others for keeping you if you let them pull you into conversation. You’re not held to ransom.

Just smile and walk away. Once you've done it several times, they won't bother again.

😂 I'm going use that one myself when it happens. Although you'd probably get some tosser knocking for fun.