Neighbours ALWAYS out the front!

[cherrymilkshake]

I need to have a rant about my neighbours.
They are constantly out the front of their house!
They are a nice elderly couple but they are really keen to talk to anyone they can so they spend as much time as possible doing "jobs" out the front.

This is causing me and DH quite a lot of stress because when going to and from work, or picking our DD up from nursery they want a chat, and I don't mean a quick one, I mean a full on catch up and we just don't have the time for it; nor do I want to be that friendly with them.
Sounds harsh but I've never had neighbours so interested in my life before, and they dote on my DD like she's their grandchild and it's a bit too much for me. (I'm bracing myself for the replies after writing that bit!)

We also have another DC on the way and I'm already nervous of maternity leave and being bothered whenever we're in the garden (the man talks over the fence 🙄) and probably getting knocks in the door when I'm sleeping etc!

Sounds awful but the man is 77 and I'm wondering when he might slow down a bit.. anyone else had a similar situation?

Thanks all for taking the time to reply, I'm so glad that it's not just us being unfriendly.
And now I actually feel a bit angry with them for overstepping the mark and in turn making us question ourselves IYSWIM!?

My DH is much better at the quick hello than me, quite often he'll walk in from his car and just put his hand up, won't say say word and carry on walking. He's often said the man looks a bit puzzled when he doesn't chat.
Don't bash me for this but I almost feel like that's more acceptable from a man!? I always end up trying to keep waking then getting slower and slower as they ask me a question, then I stop to answer them and then I'm stuck 🙄

Mumsnet is such a weird place

When we moved into our current flat we did a quick phew that our next door neighbours are an elderly couple and not a family with crying babies/noisy kids/dogs.
The bloke stopped me yesterday to ask where DD was as he's not seen her for a while (obviously on MN this has him down as filthy old man /nosey fucker but in the real world, it's just people being friendly and striking up a conversation.

As you've got a crying baby on the way, OP, frankly I'd keep them onside.

It is you.
You are now sounding awful.

We've had this in all the houses we've been in but to be honest it's a bit of a blessing. They're well meaning and they also keep an eye on things from a safety point of view! They're not bad (I just have a 5 minute chat about this that and the other) and I feel bad for them as they've all said how terribly lonely they are, especially since covid, so I don't mind spending a couple of minutes chatting.
Our other neighbour now always leaves the house with her headphones in! I've no idea if she's actually listening to anything 🤣 but now she just politely waves and keeps walking

"And now I actually feel a bit angry with them for overstepping the mark and in turn making us question ourselves"

They haven't. You've had a couple of replies agreeing with you. You've had replies saying they aren't doing anything wrong, but if you don't want to talk to them don't. And other replies saying you're weird.

Funny how you only seem to have seen the ones agreeing with you.

The response is a friendly hello, a quick throwaway friendly comment eg about the weather then can't stop because I'm running late. Make time to talk to them perhaps once a week, perhaps you dc can entertain them for a few minutes showing them their latest pictures in their bag or something. We will all be elderly one day

I’m so sorry you’re going through that. We did too, and with 2 small children and me being a SAHM we had to move after only 2 years.

At some point we were invited for dinner and when we arrived another couple was already there which were introduced as ‘Look, they’re foreigners like you’.

Constant knocks on the door, looking through the glass bit to see if we’re at home and couldn’t pretend I wasn’t because of our children screaming in the hallway ‘Muuuuuuummy, there’s someone at the dooooooooor’ 🤦‍♀️ I swear I still have nightmares about them.

God forbid you're ever lonely, and want 5 minutes of human interaction, and the only person that speaks to you feels forced to do so.

*My DH is much better at the quick hello than me, quite often he'll walk in from his car and just put his hand up, won't say say word and carry on walking. He's often said the man looks a bit puzzled when he doesn't chat.

Don't bash me for this but I almost feel like that's more acceptable from a man!?*

Jesus, so rude and unnecessary. Just say hi and move on if you’re so busy.
It’s so disrespectful to put your hand up to someone’s face and not say anything. Your DH is rude and it isn’t more acceptable from him.

I wonder how you will act in a few decades time when you’re retired, your children don’t call that often, shops go ever faceless and your neighbour puts their hand up in your face while you try to make light neighbourly conversation.

I understand where your coming from ive had this too and i hate it, feels like a total invasion of privacy. It was DH who constantly got caught by them though I think they thought I was the rude one but tbh they overstepped the make many times I was sick of them. Thankfully we didn't live there for long!

It’s not up to OP to be their social interaction of the day thought is it? If they’re always out doing things in their garden why don’t they pop to a café or find a hobby group or something. I think OP you need to find a balance, sometimes stop and chat and sometimes don’t 🤷‍♀️

*though not thought

I’m in the ‘say hello and keep walking’ camp. People like this are not nice and friendly they’re nosey and rude. As for maternity leave I’d put a blunt note on the door ‘do not knock. Just do not.’

I think when OP is saying puts a hand up she means as like a wave not up in their face telling them to shut up ffs 😂

Are you planning to breastfeed? If they knock, answer the door in a nursing nightie, zip or buttons undone, baby screaming and everything hanging out and honestly they'll never disturb you again. I did this unintentionally to the postman when DC1 was a few weeks old and it was a long time before the poor man managed to look me in the eye again.

This made me smile. I live in a terrace and our attached neighbours both sides are always sitting in the front garden. I like it. I consider it a security feature 😉

I can empathise. I'm on mat leave and live in a ground floor flat with elderly neighbours who are lovely, but I have the blinds drawn all day because I'm frequently in my pyjamas and don't really feel like making eye contact with someone having a natter in my front garden... Have missed buses because of getting caught in chat too! I'm worried about looking rude bc we are the only renters in the building, so want to get in with the neighbours, who tbf are nice. But I'm extremely shy and private and just want to slob around with some sunlight ffs 😅

This. No one knows how life may pan out. One day many on here could find that they may be in the position of being desperate for a friendly chat.

Just hi, can't stop got to dash to school, appointment, etc. I would be quite annoyed by a neighbour talking over the fence in the garden, you should feel like you have a bit of privacy.

Wouldn't it be awful if the OP ended up with some of the genuinely nightmare neighbours you read about on MN. Really, really awful....

I think some posters don’t understand how intrusive this actually can be.

it’s not a quick ‘hi, how you are? I’m good thanks. Let’s hope the weather stays nice’ and into your car.

Its forgetting something in your car whilst watching a film, and instead of being able to quickly nip out and get it you get pulled into a 20 minute conversation.

its you nipping out and them saying ‘hey, I’ve noticed a plumber here earlier, is it your boiler? Ours went a few years ago and we got someone in to replace it.. who was i again.. umm.. one second.. calls into house.. Audrey.. who was that guy who fitted the boiler.. audrey comes out and enthusiastically joins conversation.. yes that’s the guy.. Dave.. Scottish man.. really nice chap. He moved here 5 years ago and blah blah blah’

meanwhile your standing there in your slippers just wanting to just fetch your bloody handbag which would normally take 30 seconds tops.

Now imagine this every single day. Every time you leave the house.

need to take the bins out? Neighbours.. ‘oh isn’t your little one getting so big, I was saying to my sister on the phone earlier about how he’s grown. She lives down in Cornwall and.. blah blah blah’

You are then stood there again in your slippers with your cup of tea going cold, just wanting to take your bloody bin out and get back to mooching on the sofa before bed for half an hour.

how do you stop that when they are mid flow and can see you aren’t going anywhere without being rude? Once or twice you can stop them by saying you’ve got dinner on the hob but when they do it DAILY then you run out of excuses and you either come off as rude or you have to subject yourself to 20 minute chats every time you step outside your door.

You want to be polite for neighbourly relations so then you end up trapped in your house and not enjoying the weather or nipping to the car as it’s not worth the hassle.

As you can tell I’ve been through this in my last house. Was a nightmare and me and DP would take it in turns to leave the house and be subjected to the mundane conversations.

@Condescendingtwats thank you!!
This is exactly how it feels and as I type right now I am trying to leave the house to go for a walk on my lunch break (I work from home) and the man is right outside our house putting weed killer or something on the grass verge that he seems to have claimed as his piece of land to look after 😫
It's impossible to pop out and do stuff. Similarly we put the bins in and out when it's dark. And god in the summer It's even worse!

I hear you OP, it can feel irritating and stalkerish when you want to be left alone but you are hounded whenever you leave the house. I had neighbours like this, elderly and lonely and wanted to chat every time they saw me. I was polite at first but it felt so intrusive I began to use polite but firm words to excuse myself, occasionally pretending I didn’t see or hear them. Big mistake. Not to scare you as I’m sure this won’t happen to you, but they turned into the neighbours from hell because of this. I was harassed, had things thrown at my windows and garden, rumours spread about me, banging on the walls to wake us and damage to my car. They got away with it because they were elderly. It was unbearable so we moved. So my advice is to be polite but not stop, if you let it cause resentment it can backfire like it did with me and good neighbours are worth their weight in gold.

Yanbu. I’ve had the full spectrum of neighbours: some who were harassing, threatening and vandalising property to overly friendly and shoving a foot in the door to push their way in and the over the fence gawkers. These days I’m happy to say hello but I guard my privacy now and I’m much more wary.

Your neighbours don’t appreciate that your lives are much more accelerated than theirs. This does speak volumes about their ability to see both sides. And I agree there is a very different expectation on women than men (eg some of the responses here) in that you should just stand and chat or you’ll be regarded as unpleasant and anti-social 🙄 The guilt tripping (as in some of these comments) “aww, they’re just lonely and you’ll be lonely too one day” is another tactic used on women to force them to interact.

If you can, increase your fencing and when you’re out the front practise the ‘hello, smile, wave, busy, busy, must go now’ routine. If you don’t have one already, invest in a door camera so you can screen your visitors.