Sick of fiend inviting me to stay?

[PistachioGreenn]

Any activity we do my friend will always say “you should stay at mine”.

I like meeting up with friend but I don’t feel the need to constantly stay at her house. I’m an adult I have my own house.

Like we met for lunch and a couple of drinks (in a town that’s about same distance for both of us to get to but in opposite directions) and she asked if I was staying at hers.

… Like why would I carry around an overnight bag to stay at hers? And stay at hers when it would be the same distance for me to get home?

That’s just one example. She doesn’t live alone either so it’s not a loneliness thing.

Maybe she's a bit lonely. Maybe she just likes it. Either way, surely it's no biggie to just say no thanks.

Was just going to say this. Surely it’s as easy as ‘oh I’m one of those, I hate sleeping out, love getting back to my own bed!’ Some people just don’t seem to be able to communicate.

Is there more of a backstory to this?

Oh dear, I hope I’m not the fiend - I’ve been asking a friend to stay over every time we meet up for dinner as she lives quite far away, … she always very politely says thanks so much, I’ll let you know…. And never does… smooth
I love having people to stay over, and we haven’t had anyone to stay since pre-pandemic so maybe I’m coming across a bit desperate 😂

Your fiend fancies you?

Just a though.

Just mention in passing how much you like waking up in your own bed after a night out and that you’re not a fan of sleepovers as you never sleep as well as you do at home.

You open your mouth & say no. Every single time.
If the asking becomes unendurable, you let her know that you'd rather she stopped asking, & explain why. You can't expect her to read your mind & then get arsey because she can't.

She's just a friend who enjoys sleepovers & would like to host you FFS.

OP - forget all the bitchy comments on here. I'm actually really angry for you after reading such utter Shite of some of them.
I totally get you. I also think it's odd that a grown woman who want you/any friend to stay. You're not 15 again. I have the same issue as you. Fortunately, my friend has stopped asking because I think she knows I don't want to do it. As you say, you have your own house and bed. And there is nothing better than your own bed. Its not just a stay over, it's the morning and then feeling obliged to stay for breakfast and before you know it, its late morning. You Can't have a lie in at a friends, you don't have any of your own stuff around you. It's just not relaxing.
No suggestion ls unfortunately OP of how you get your friend to stop asking unless you bit the bullet and tell her.

I hate staying at other peoples houses and have to be in my own bed. And if a friend asked I'd say exactly that! Gone are the days of bunking on a sofa or under the coats at a party!
I don't understand why you are so peed off about it though. Just tell her you don't like sleeping out and she'll stop asking!

Honestly, does anyone on MN actually have nice relationships with their friends or (shock) actually like them? Or is it just me!

Maybe she just has a really nice guest room she wants to get use out of.

"I prefer my own bed (and bathroom)"

Or you could say that you have a back issue and need your own mattress. I know someone who's used that excuse before.
I totally get why you don't want to say outright to your friend. It's awkward & uncomfortable to basically say "I don't want to sleep at your house or anytime else's house. Just my own thanks"
FWIW - I think your friend is lonely. But that's not your problem what so ever

Has she decorated a spare room and is a bit put out that no one sleeps in it?

@AiryFairy1 just out of interest- why are you so keen for people to stay over ?

I totally get you. I also think it's odd that a grown woman who want you/any friend to stay. You're not 15 again. I have the same issue as you. Fortunately, my friend has stopped asking because I think she knows I don't want to do it.

It wouldn't have had to become an issue if you had opened your mouth & explained to your friend that you simply don't enjoy sleepovers @Froggerwasagreatgame. You say you THINK your friend now knows you don't do sleepovers so has finally stopped asking. Why did you leave her to guess, instead of just kindly explaining that to her?

There's nothing "odd" about staying with a friend.
Any more than it is "odd" to prefer not to.
I don't understand all these friendships we read about on MN when grown women are unable to express their views & preferences to each other, so resort to inner seething or pass-agg hinting.

Same reasons you are so keen not to @Froggerwasagreatgame
Personal preference.

Does she maybe just think it's easier for you and you can have a drink and not worry about driving home?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

When you can tell your about to leave say....

Your worried you left your straightness on

Your worried you left the cooker on

Your worried you didn't lock the door

A family/friend is coming earlier on the morning

Your getting a delivery tomorrow and need to be in

Your convinced your neighbour is spying on you and want to catch the little rat in the act

If she gets in there before you and asks you to stay

Your not a morning person and can't speak to no one when you wake up

You like to binge watch crap on tv naked eating ribs, sinking whiskey until you pass out otherwise you can't sleep

You have terrible IBS

You can't settle anywhere else but your own house

Your worried she fancies you

You fart and snore and sleepwalk every night without fail

You believe her house is haunted

Or you could always try my personal favourite..... wait for it....

The truth! No thanks, i might aswel go home as it's just as close, thank you though

My gaydar is pinging, there is no other reason to suggest a sleepover straight after lunch ...

You said she has a partner so it isn't because she's lonely, then in another comment you said he's hardly ever there when you stay. Surely that would suggest that he's hardly ever there in general so she quite possibly is lonely?!

I really do get this, OP. My problem is slightly different though as one of my friends never wants me to drive anywhere and always wants me to have a drink and stay over or get a taxi back when we go out. I’m not much of a drinker and prefer to drive anyway. It stops me from suggesting places for us to go as we always have this ‘to and fro’ of me saying ‘But I’m ok driving !’ and her saying ‘No, it’s not fair that you drive.’ 🙄
I hate staying overnight in other people’s homes too - I like my own bed !

Just say no that you really just like sleeping at home.

That;s not gaydar, it's homophobia.

Some responses on this thread are brilliant, thanks for the laugh!

On a more serious note OP I'd hate to be asked to stay over constantly. Just say "no and stop asking me, it's getting weird."