sick of ‘gentle parents’

[strawberrysugar23]

i’m so fed up of gentle parenting - just been to soft play and a boy probably about 4 years old was whacking my 18 month old, pushing her down, kicked her in the face. obviously i kept intervening and actually told him off myself but his parent was nowhere to be seen. once i’d told him off he moved onto a different toddler whose mum approached me and asked if i knew who his parent was. said parent eventually came over and said ‘aw is he being rough?’ i said yes he’s being very aggressive to multiple toddlers, has hit/kicked/pushed and keeps following them around even after other parents are intervening. and her response was ‘ohh (child’s name) you need to be more gentle!’ in a soft voice then walked off and he continued.

sorry but wtf. if your child is as feral as that surely you say right we’re leaving and actually tell them off instead of that response? seems to be a common occurrence too, always seems to be the most aggressive kids who are being gentle parented

This!

Oh me too !

there is absolutely no way my child would behave like that

I have met so many parents say this about their child when the opposite is true...

There's a happy medium though, isn't there?

This kind of 'parenting' is rife where I live and it drives me up the wall. We have an organic supermarket (yes, I live in that kind of area), small, with quite narrow aisles, and people persist in letting their kids rollerskate or ride their scooters and bikes around. I don't know how many times I've had to flatten myself against a wall of food to avoid them. And you can bet your bottom dollar if one of them collided with me and was hurt, the parent would be on me like a ton of bricks.

I kind of dislike the term gentle parenting because at the bare bones of it you’re literally just treating your kid like an actual human. Anyway what you describe doesn’t sound like gentle parenting as others have said. My understanding of gentle parenting is that boundaries are actually quite strong and behaviour like that is not accepted. They’re just not screamed at and beaten to get the result is all.

I'm not sure how you can call this gentle parenting. She was only there for a second before she was gone again. That's not parenting of any kind.

The people who will suffer most from lack of parenting is the parents who do no parenting. It is in their interests most of all not to opt out of basic parenting.

That’s not gentle parenting though is it? It’s an absence of parenting. I try to do gentle parenting but would NEVER fail to prevent my child was hurting another. I would also discipline a 4 year old for that and probably take them home in this instance. I would also supervise them more closely in the first place.

I'm assuming that by 'gentle parents' you mean lazy good-for-nothing parents who can't be arsed to parent properly and let their precious kids go feral?

No, I don't like them either.

I used to find a really stern face and a “No you don’t! AWAY! “would make a bullying little shit back off from hurting smaller children.

Almost like there is a middle ground of sensible, calm, effective parenting.

It reminded me of a recent experience in a very crowded cafe where a pre-school child had a basket of toys tipped out all over the floor in a narrow walkway between tables (my favourite of which was a car, ideal for skidding over on). The child was very clearly in the way and at risk of being hurt and possibly causing someone else to get hurt. He mum actually asked him if he would mind moving and playing somewhere else!! WTF?!

Anyway - I agree with PP, it's not really gentle parenting, it's just what people have interpreted to be gentle. They have taking giving choices too the extreme and also seem to think their child should never be inconvenienced or have to put the needs of others first.

This is just lack of parenting. I let both of mine go in soft play frame with friends adult-free earlier (15mo and 3.5yo) as I know they’re not rough. Could see them at all times as was a small area.

Watched a 3/4 year old come and push all of the younger ones off a foam slide. Was just getting up to go and use my teacher voice to intervene when my friend’s 6yo DS calmly lifted up said pusher and deposited him away with a firm ‘we do NOT push little ones’.

Cue apoplectic mum of pusher running to his aid while friend and I giggle into our coffee.

Sadly this kind of thing is what some people think is gentle parenting. Their poor children will be the ones struggling when they start school.

I think there's permissive parenting and there's gentle parenting. Just can't be bothered parenting even haha.

I also think gentle parenting won't work for all, and is maybe even bad for some.
I was lucky and have a very easy child so gentle parenting has always worked for us (so far, haven't had teen years yet!) and we get comments on the good behaviour all the time, teachers love it especially 😂 nothing like me as a child, but I'm not complaining haha

That’s not gentle parenting (or at least not my understanding of it), it’s just shit parenting.

I think my approach is probably considered ‘gentle’, but I’d never act like that. My LO is younger, but if he pushes/snatches or whatever, I get down on his level and recognise his feelings but clearly tell him his behaviour isn’t acceptable.

I.e ‘I think you are feeling frustrated because you wanted the toy but snatching hurts other children’s feelings. Mummy won’t let you take the toy, so do you want to play with something else or leave/go back to the table/come outside for some fresh air?’

Sometimes it works, sometimes I carry him away screaming. The gentle bit is just not shouting and telling him he’s being naughty! It doesn’t mean taking the easy option of giving in or not addressing issues.

YANBU - rarely anyone these days holds themselves or their children accountable for shitty behaviours and parenting.

Yes, when ds, who has autism was smaller, I would simply say "shoes on now" to an onlooker it would have sounded awful but all the fluff meant that the vital message would have been lost.

Op you and fhe other lady should have batted this back to the soft play staff to have a word..

Your DC whom you have paid for to enjoy that space...with...of course some rough and tumble expected... have not been able to because of that childs excessive violence coupled with an ineffective uninterested parent.

She may respond better if staff approach her to supervise her child which is usually in soft play rule's.

Op I had the same. The boy was stood on a mini trampoline using it to get height to kick passing toddlers in the face.

Mum was gentle, smiling and laughing doing some craft whilst every other parent was on high alert and some dealing with foot marks in their DC face.

Absolutely Timeturner! Quite funny when slightly older children step in when the useless parents do nothing. When your parenting is being reasonably criticised by a 6 year old you might want to reflect on that.

We had it when Dd was shoved by a younger child who was old enough to know better. She came to report the kid was being a pain and the parents (super high powered jobs) sat there like lemons. Dd usually a compliant polite girl said loudly “cannot believe I have been shoved and the parents are doing nothing about it”.

That isnt gentle parenting.

And in the grand scheme of things, even if poorly executed, I take gentle parenting over screaming like a banshee any day

There are a surprising amount of parents who just can’t be arsed. You can just see by the amount of ‘boys will be boys’ nonsense from some of the parents in our class. There seem to be some who are totally affronted that a teacher will tell them off for dicking around and spoiling it for the rest of them.

Which is why I never go to soft play.

Don’t worry op , she will have the joy of parenting a feral teen! 😂

Sounds like an utterly pointless 'parent' to me. Can't stand them.

We have a parent at primary who has a year 3 child and a nursery child ages 3. She won’t use a buggy and cannot control her 3 year old. He runs around into the road while she stands there apparently powerless to just pick him up and say NO, hold my hand!