sick of ‘gentle parents’

[strawberrysugar23]

i’m so fed up of gentle parenting - just been to soft play and a boy probably about 4 years old was whacking my 18 month old, pushing her down, kicked her in the face. obviously i kept intervening and actually told him off myself but his parent was nowhere to be seen. once i’d told him off he moved onto a different toddler whose mum approached me and asked if i knew who his parent was. said parent eventually came over and said ‘aw is he being rough?’ i said yes he’s being very aggressive to multiple toddlers, has hit/kicked/pushed and keeps following them around even after other parents are intervening. and her response was ‘ohh (child’s name) you need to be more gentle!’ in a soft voice then walked off and he continued.

sorry but wtf. if your child is as feral as that surely you say right we’re leaving and actually tell them off instead of that response? seems to be a common occurrence too, always seems to be the most aggressive kids who are being gentle parented

I disagree that kicking a much younger child without severe provocation is normal behaviour for a 4 year old. I would think even most 2 year olds no longer do this unless they are fighting over a toy or something like that. If a 4 year old does it then either they are attention seeking or simply haven't been taught that its wrong. Normal lack of impulse control for a 4 year old in this scenario would be barging past the younger child - not attacking them.

That isn’t gentle parenting.

I was in a shop one day and a lady with 2 young boys (probably aged under 4). she proceeded to tell them that they should “look with their eyes and not touch with their hands” in the most ineffectual voice I’ve ever heard ! The 2 boys just stood staring at her with glazed expressions!
If that’s “gentle” parenting I’ll just stick with good old fashioned parenting! 🤣

This thread is like Groundhog Day. Ineffective parenting is not the same as gentle parenting.

In your example, you're judging the response of the children as insufficient when in reality in order to judge this woman as ineffective we'd need to know whether her children went on to comply with her instructions.

Did they touch anything? Unclear why this is an issue. Should she have shouted?

I’m sure how that’s what you’re reading in what I said ! My point was and is that a simple “now boys don’t touch” would have been sufficient. The long wordy sentence was met with blank stares because it was too much information for the very young boys to process !
Gentle parenting is just parenting at the end of the day !

not sure

So its not what she said, but how she said it?

How about...mind your business.

I would rather someone gave a longer explanation of why their children should behave than the usual 'i said dont fucking toucccccch it!' which is the theme song of every stressed out mum in SE London.

Did I say she should have shouted ?
a simple boys don’t touch would have been sufficient!
and yes the boys did touch stuff

The same could apply to you ….

Imagine having an issue with the length of phrase used by another parent! And being appalled at her children's "blank" faces.

You haven't given any further information about whether the children understood or not. Did they touch things??

Sorry just seen that they did touch things, missed that.

So, ineffective. No doubt your phrase would have saved the day and sorted those awful children right out.

I did actually say further up that yes they did touch things ! not an issue just an observation that even with “gentle parenting “ the children didn’t do as they were told because maybe children that age need clearer instructions!

Nothing about that single phrase makes her a gentle parent, neither does the ineffective tone make her a gentle parent. Gentle parenting doesn't require lengthy explanations. The manner in which you correct a child and enforce a boundary can be done with a shorter phrase and with a confident delivery.

Taking a single overheard phrase and deciding that this must be gentle parenting and that therefore gentle parenting is rubbish is just such a ridiculous thing to try to argue.

It’s an opinion which I believe we are all entitled to! Unless that has been cancelled as well .
your reply is one I would expect to be honest!
I have 4 children 2 at university and 2 younger ones and I have never felt the need to practice gentle parenting, or attachment parenting or sleep training . At the end of the day it is just parenting! I didn’t need books and the internet to raise them ! And surprisingly they all turned out just fine.
so as I said it’s my opinion that gentle parenting is just another “label” that is completely unnecessary .
you do you ! And I’ll do me … 😘

We class ourselves as gentle parents and we would have forced an apology out of him

Lord most parents at soft play do not give a shiny fuck about what their kids do. I have avoided them ever since my first try. I don't think this was a gentle parent, just a soft play parent.

It’s an opinion which I believe we are all entitled to! Unless that has been cancelled as well .

Not 'cancelled' just bollocks. Wordiness isn't a gentle parenting thing.

And that’s your opinion which you are entitled to ! See how it works? You disagree with something and I disagree with something… the difference is that you have resorted to swearing to get yours across .

Her use of words isn’t gentle parenting. Do you know what gentle parenting is…?

Gentle parenting is just parenting!

I guess the answer to my question is no!

The answer to your question is that parents have been parenting since time began and they managed quite well without “gentle parenting “ and “sleep training” and “attachment parenting”.
i am aware of all these methods and have done lots of research of them and my conclusion is that it’s just good old fashioned parenting but without the need for labels !

I love that people are saying 'good old fashioned parenting’ when the term parenting itself is only about fifty years old 😂😂😂
this notion that there is some traditional or fixed idea of parenting that doesn’t change over time

How is it developmentally inappropriate? And it what was doesn’t it work?!

If I was that child’s mum I would have apologised to the op, and removed my child- I would then have explained that I had removed him because he was hurting people and that isn’t ok, or kind, and he wouldn’t like it if someone did that to him. I would have asked him to think about why he behaved like that and why I had removed him.

If he was calm and receptive I would have allowed him back in but gone with him and at the first sign of the behaviour again I would have removed him, explained again and taken him home because clearly he wasn’t able to behave appropriately at that time and in that space.

Children aren’t stupid, they can actually understand when you talk to them. They don’t always comply immediately because they lack impulse control/have limited executive functioning skills etc but eventually they learn to behave properly because it’s the right thing to do, not just because otherwise someone will come along and tell them off!

How exactly is that less effective in the moment or in the long run then shouting, saying it’s naughty, not explaining WHY it’s wrong, ignoring it to have a brew, shaming the child etc?