Wondering … would you stay with someone who is a brilliant parent but struggles with money?

[Broccolicelery]

Someone who is a brilliant parent to two year old but contributes nothing really in the way of finances.

If parent B has lots of disposable income after everything is paid and parent A has none then that's a problem and needs looking at.

If you’re living as a family then YABU.

I don’t understand how families live with these bizarre financial set ups.

If you live as a family then you should both benefit from both salaries and have equal amounts of money left over.

Nursery bills are bloody expensive. So they are contributing financially.

They didn’t say this person “insisted” - but there’s a lot about this dynamic they purposefully aren’t saying, which means the rest of us have to try and read in between the lines. From my view, part time working is so that you can better support the family by providing childcare and taking care of the home. If this person is doing that, then they’re contributing adequately. If they aren’t, then they are not, and I wouldn’t stay with them.

1/4 surely?

But bills include childcare. I'd guess if DC nursery age they're probably contributing at least that given the cost of childcare!

And I suspect that this is one of those posts where the answers are going to be very different depending on whether the alleged “lesser contributing” partner is male or female, which the OP hasn’t divulged yet.

24k is not a quarter of 75k…
Plus the lower salary has a better tax split so it needs to be considered as take home pay anyway.

Sounds like parent b does more. Parent a needs to look at the actual split as it seems they are getting a good deal here.

IF this is both your biological or adopted child then paying childcare and looking after them is a contribution to the family's finances.
If you aren't married and the house is in the name of the partner who pays the mortgage then fair enough although I'd either get married or be put as a co owner.
It's your own family dynamics, you sort it out between you two!! If one of you is not happy talk to them and reach a solution.

But you must recognise that that is because males and females tend generally to contribute different amounts of non-financial work and value to a household. That is why there is a difference in assumptions made.

I couldn't give a toss if it's a male or female. Drip feeding threads with sex double standards police ready to jump at 'stereotypes' are so tiresome. Thank God for the hide button.

Why are you dividing one salary by the other?

In total they earn 100k. 24k is a quarter of that. 75k is three quarters.

Why should the higher earner only pay 2/3 when they earn 3/4 of the money?

By your estimation if I earnt 50k and my partner earnt 60k I should be paying 5/6 of the bills 😂

I’m getting just fine advice thanks, notacooldad.

So yes …the £24,000 person should be making more of a financial contribution, is that the general feeling?

Fgs if you are looking for advice just come out with what the issue is. All this cloak and dagger and people having to ask questions to help answer you, is just ridiculous.

Parent A - take home around £4100.

Parent B - take home £1600 less nursery. It’s for days they work. Maybe £700 a month for 2 days a week?

So £4100 vs £900?

How much are your outgoings? Are they named on the mortgage?

It really should be as a previous poster said, that parent B should pay 1/4 of the bills. All family bills should be shared.

They do, yes. But if OP wants genuine advice then it’s a bit pointless to conceal the sexes of those involved so that 100 posters answer one way, only for half of them to suddenly about race on their opinion entirely when The Big Reveal is that the sexes are the opposite to what’s been assumed.

How can anyone answer whether they should contribute more money without knowing how much the nursery fees are and how much they pay towards shopping? Are you both left with the same disposable income is the thing

Person b isn’t named on the mortgage but that’s because of poor credit. Married couple though.

It doesn’t matter what the general feeling of a group of randoms is, it only matters what you and your partner think.
Now if you think something is unfair about the current setup then you can elaborate and people can give advice but what exactly are you hoping to get if you aren’t actually sharing any info?

It matters to me, I’d like to discuss it, thanks.

My DH works FT and earns simular to parent A.
I work PT, TTO and earn less than parent B in your scenario.

We both contribute to a joint account that is used for the mortgage, bills and groceries but proportional to our earnings so I pay a lot less. If Parent B is paying nursery fees and groceries then they are still contributing to the family finances, which specific bill their wages are used for isn't relevant. I would be insulted and upset if DH claimed that I "contribute nothing", because he significantly outearns me. He wouldn't though, because he's not a twat. DH also puts money into a savings account every month to pay for family holidays, non-essential work we want to have done on the house etc He also pays for any unexpected bills such as repairs to my car, and also pays for the majority of meals out/takeaways, days out and kids activities. He doesn't resent this at all and has said he doesn't care if I never go back to work FT as he recognises that my job is socially useful and makes a difference, and he also sees the benefit to our children of me being home in the holidays.

Is the person earning 24,000 the primary carer.

If yes and they're working too then I think it is fine while the DC are young.

75k is 3/4 of the total household income and 24k is approximately 1/4 of the household income so if you divide the household expenses proportionately the person on 24k should pay 1/4 of the bills (I don't think it should matter which ones).

Not from me. It depends on how much your outgoings are and whether they’re named on the deeds and mortgage.