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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be baffled by my DP

96 replies

Burntcoffee · 24/10/2022 07:44

So me and my DP have a week off and we've kept our DS in nursery Monday and Tuesday this morning to get some jobs done and spend some time together.

My DP usually has an early start and works very long hours so I said last night 'ill get up with DS tomorrow and walk him to nursery.' DP said fine. Was super tired when I woke up but obviously I got up anyway and started getting DS ready. Then I hear DP getting up and dressed! I said to DP, 'well do you want to take him now?' (he can drive the car). He said 'shall we both go?' but as our DS always struggles with the handover, I suggested it would be better if not.

DP started getting DSs coat on which I thought was weird so I said 'youre taking him right' and he said 'no I thought you were taking him.' He's said it's fine for him to take him but now there seems to be this sulky atmosphere.

I know it all sounds so nitpicky but we're constantly having these communication breakdowns. Possibly just need a vent but AIBU to be a bit miffed? Just an annoying start to what I hoped would be a nice couple of days! Does anyone else struggle with these communication problems?

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 24/10/2022 07:48

Hmm, You said you were getting up and taking him, then your dp said should you both go and you refused so he put his coat on ready for you to take him.

I think you need to communicate better tbh.

Beanbagtrap · 24/10/2022 07:50

Sounds like he fancied spending time with you on the journey and doing it as a family and you rigidly stuck to the agreement that you dictated. I think you need to be more flexible.

Relocatiorelocation · 24/10/2022 07:52

I'd just let it go. Have your lay in tomorrow and leave him to do the drop off. There really is no harm done here, do tlet it spoil your days off.

Discovereads · 24/10/2022 07:52

It’s probably because last night you said you would take DS to nursery but the whole morning you’ve been trying to get your DP to do it by himself. YABU to be miffed imho because you’re the one changing the agreement with passive aggressive “you’re taking him, right” comments.

I don’t understand why your DP getting up in the morning warrants an exclamation point, when you literally said he gets an early start on work days- so why is it shocking he’s getting up and dressed on a morning?

Also not sure why putting your DCs coat on is “wierd”? It’s like you’re complaining because your partner is pitching in and parenting instead of lazing about in bed all morning,

thelobsterquadrille · 24/10/2022 07:53

Do you feel like if DP was going to get up anyway, he may as well take DS and you could have had a lie-in?

ZooMount · 24/10/2022 07:54

You sound like hard work.

madnesss · 24/10/2022 07:54

I'm not sure why you are baffled by your DP. The whole thing happened because of you not sticking with the plan.

Dishwashersaurous · 24/10/2022 07:54

Sounds like he wants to spend as much time as possible with you on your days off. Both twke to nursery and then can go straight off to do something.

Sounds really nice.

Dishwashersaurous · 24/10/2022 07:55

Did you not want to get up or something?

Aprilx · 24/10/2022 07:56

Yes I think YABU to be miffed. He should be miffed if anything. He obviously fancied coming along on the drop off for a nice change and you wouldn’t let him, then you had a go at him for putting a coat on! I am not surprised you are always having issues if you keep behaving like this.

MayThe4th · 24/10/2022 07:57

From here it seems that you’d said you you would take ds to nursery and when DP suggested you go together you said no.

From here you didn’t want him to go with you so he didn’t.

The issue here is you not your dp.

Brefugee · 24/10/2022 07:57

if your DP usually gets up really early, his body clock is used to that and for him that's already been a long lie.
He said he wasn't taking him, he was being helpful by putting DCs coat on and still you're not happy?

ToadSmall · 24/10/2022 08:00

He just thought it would be pleasant if you both took your son.

You said that would be disruptive for your son.

So dp said ok.

He then helped out by helping his son with his coat.

It would be super if he hadn't put his child's coat on when you were presumably getting your own coat on. If he had just walked off and started drinking a latte on the sofa.

Changingplace · 24/10/2022 08:00

I think your reaction was a bit odd tbh, your DP was trying to help by saying you’d both go, which you didn’t want and then was helping with your sons coat.

Instead of saying thanks for helping you’ve tried to change the original plan you’ve already said you’re sticking to by suggesting he should take him.

I don’t think your DP has the communication problem.

savoycabbage · 24/10/2022 08:06

Now I'm baffled. It's you who made the plan changes. You said you would take him then you wouldn't let him come with you then you thought he should he should take him.

The bit about the coat is incomprehensible to me. You can put a child's coat on without taking them to nursery.

Your dh would not have known if he was coming or going.

IHateFlies · 24/10/2022 08:07

It does appear that you seem to be confusing the communication.
There was a plan but you seemed to have been getting confused and either trying to steer your dp to take ds or passive aggressively trying to tell your dp that he's got no place in doing the morning routine and nursery run.

Putonyourshoes · 24/10/2022 08:09

Unfortunately I think the problem with communication was on your part OP. You said you’d take DS to nursery, DP got up (presumably because he was awake anyway) and suggested you go together which you declined. Rather than sitting and watching you get DS ready for nursery he helped by putting his coat on and you said “you’re taking him, right?”. Why would he be taking him? You said you were going to. DP offered to come with but you said no. Where in that scenario did you become confused and think DP was going to take him instead, even though neither of you said that?

Shemovesshemoves21 · 24/10/2022 08:10

thelobsterquadrille · 24/10/2022 07:53

Do you feel like if DP was going to get up anyway, he may as well take DS and you could have had a lie-in?

This was my first thought.

MichelleScarn · 24/10/2022 08:11

Don't think can say anything that's not been said! He offered to go with you, you said no, but decided this meant he should take instead of you?

Original poster
Burntcoffee · 24/10/2022 08:13

Bit about the coat - he wouldn't need his coat on if we were putting him in the car seat, at which point I was confused because I was under the impression they were going in the car. It didn't actually occur to me that my DP wanted us all to walk together to nursery - in fact I don't think he did mean this, I think he meant we drive there together. The drive is less than 5 minutes so it seemed a bit silly.

OP posts:
HollyPupp · 24/10/2022 08:13

ZeroFuchsGiven · 24/10/2022 07:48

Hmm, You said you were getting up and taking him, then your dp said should you both go and you refused so he put his coat on ready for you to take him.

I think you need to communicate better tbh.

This is how I read it too. Doesn’t seem hard to read the situation.

Dishwashersaurous · 24/10/2022 08:15

It's definitely you who is causing any confusion both to yourself and him

HollyPupp · 24/10/2022 08:15

Burntcoffee · 24/10/2022 08:13

Bit about the coat - he wouldn't need his coat on if we were putting him in the car seat, at which point I was confused because I was under the impression they were going in the car. It didn't actually occur to me that my DP wanted us all to walk together to nursery - in fact I don't think he did mean this, I think he meant we drive there together. The drive is less than 5 minutes so it seemed a bit silly.

You said no to taking him together so he got his coat for you to take him as originally planned….

GiltEdges · 24/10/2022 08:15

Burntcoffee · 24/10/2022 08:13

Bit about the coat - he wouldn't need his coat on if we were putting him in the car seat, at which point I was confused because I was under the impression they were going in the car. It didn't actually occur to me that my DP wanted us all to walk together to nursery - in fact I don't think he did mean this, I think he meant we drive there together. The drive is less than 5 minutes so it seemed a bit silly.

Right… except you said no to going together. So he was putting his coat on to enable you to walk with him, as originally planned. If anyone confused the situation, it was you.

WooWooWinnie · 24/10/2022 08:15

Shemovesshemoves21 · 24/10/2022 08:10

This was my first thought.

Show quote history

Yes I think this is the problem. Which isn’t your DP’s fault - if he’s used to getting up early and woke early so decided to get up, so what? You said you’d take your son to nursery - maybe DP thought it’d be nice to all go, or wanted to enjoy a leisurely coffee at something, or watch the news or whatever. It’s not his fault you started being irritated and changing the plans. If your thinking was “oh well you’re up now, I would like to get back in bed”, you should have communicated that.