I fucked up again, I hate myself

[Angryatme]

I know it’s not the worst thing in the world to a lot of people but it’s a big deal to me and I hate myself so much

I’ve been a nail biter all my life. I don’t know why I do it because I think it’s disgusting but I just always end up doing it. I’ve never had nails long enough to paint without looking stupid. They’re usually half a cm long. riplint them off hurts so much and it bleeds and I hate it so much but it’s such a strong addiction and it’s as if my brain blocks out the pain.

i decided several months ago I was sick of being embarrassed about the state of my fingers and I would make myself grow my nails. It has been bloody difficult not to bite them- it’s such a strong addiction and I’ve really struggled but I managed and they actually started growing white tips. I was so happy and proud of them. It took ages because they’re all damaged from 20+ years of biting

but I had a stressful day at work and ended up accidentally ripping them all off. At least 2 fingers have no nail left at all- it’s just a sort of the rim where my nail was and skin, the entire nail bed is gone. There’s nothing left at all, just cuticle and skin.

i hate myself so much. I was so proud of my nails and I loved them so much, I really wanted to grow them to normal length and it was the closest I’ve ever come. But now I’ve gone and fucked it all up again. I know I can regrow them but that was months worth of growing and I’ve ruined it all

Give hypnotherapy a try, op

I'm in the club too ! I have biab on atm that's really helped me but I am wanting to rip them off atm too!

I really feel for you op

I have a similar compulsion of picking the skin on my fingers, especially my thumbs. Despite the strongest desire to stop doing it, in moments of stress (or boredom!) I find myself almost absentmindedly picking. Like you the pain factor doesn’t register very strongly and I’ll pick until my thumb is raw. I think the skin on my thumbs might be forever changed because of the number of times I’ve picked over basically my whole life! I think it’s something that requires therapy to treat. Be kind to yourself though, compulsions like these are NOT easy to overcome with determination alone (similar to other addictive behaviours). You haven’t fucked up at all, though I completely relate to the disappointment and the embarrassment at the state of your hands. I’ve felt the same, my fingers can look so grim sometimes and I look at other women’s hands and they have such beautiful nails and cuticles! I mainly wanted to reply just to say you’re not alone.