Anyone leave their horrible DH when their kids were little?

[kMix]

two dc are 2. DH is horrible to me, sometimes to one of the kids. I mean he's not horrible all the time, but if I pull him up on stuff he can be horrible. Sulking. Unable to have a conversation without shouting. Poor MH. too.

Anyway - pls don't tell me he won't go for custody. I know him. He will. He will go for as much as he can possibly can. And he will make every single thing as difficult as possible. he will stay in the house. he will refuse to sell etc

I feel it's totally unreasonable to leave my kids to deal with him without me there. Should I wait until they're older and can have a say? They have a decade of having to go see my DH without a say.

People are always LTB but if anyone has ever been in my position - can they understand why it feels impossible to leave? Any stories or advice of people who have been through it?

OP. I earned twice what ex H did and I got 55% of the assets and kept my larger pension, and certainly didn't pay any maintenance (he pays CMS). It depends on individual circumstances. I have the kids full time. Done on my own, but got a shit hot barrister in right at the end.

Good idea to get a SHB if it ends up going to court 😎

We are a family when he shouts all the time. Yeah right.

Keep posting here OP.

Please listen to @billy1966 and get him out as soon as possible. Do not let him continue to abuse your children. I was that child and my mum did nothing.

Did you have any luck with the solicitor today, @kMix ?

Thank you for asking @Careeria i emailed the solicitor I spoke to before and we are speaking next week. She was pretty negative about what I can expect but said she'd argue for lots more but didn't want to give false hope. DH hasn't been angry for days now but seems sad and deep in thought a lot. He's deleted all the browsing history on the house computer.

We are on a v low rate mortgage and I did a calculator to find out what jt would cost now and its crazy but I can always rent for a bit.

Nasty abusive men are verybsensitive to their victims moods.

He can sense you are pulling away, distracted, thinking about your future.

He senses that he has over stepped and needs to pull back.

He is sad and pensive to try and elicit sympathy.

He knows that he needs you more than you need him.

Its likely he doesn't want to divorce.

Not because he loves you or the children or gives a damn about any of you, more that it suits HIM.

The only person her is concerned about his himself.

He wants to lure you into thinking things can improve.

It won't.

He's a nasty abusive prick and this is your life and will be your life until you want to change things.

Keep posting whenever you like.

We are here.

You can do this.

I'm glad you came back, @kMix , and well done for speaking to the solicitor. What do you think was on the browsing history? I've been where you are and it's always so tempting to think that things might get better but my experience was that I just found myself back at the same place again and again, kicking myself.

I left when our little boy was five. It was difficult and terrifying. I could not have stayed in that marriage - I was losing my confidence, personality, joy and was really lonely.