I realise the title does indeed make me look totally unreasonable - but, bare with me.
A bit of history;
XH and DD (10) have not had contact for a year. He and his GF are abusive towards her. We are secretly in the process of full custody agreement.
divorce was 5 years ago and because of the same abusive/unreasonable behaviour.
XH and I had a agreement regarding child support for the last 5 years via a direct debit.
I have a DS too with my current fiancé &
work late evenings in a bar as that fits us best .
A couple of months ago, XH came into my place of work with GF and a friend of theirs for a drink, they peered through the glass to check I was there first - They do this every now and again, usually around an ‘event’. This particular time it was DD’s birthday, two days later.
GF also has a chequered history with another employee so they makes us both uncomfortable. As I was in charge of the shift, I politely told their friend “I’m sorry but you’re presence in here makes the staff uncomfortable myself included and nobody is willing to serve you - there’s plenty of other bars & I think you’d be better suited elsewhere” a minute later there was a lot of screaming and slagging off DD but, I didn’t react and they left.
XH has since tried to get me fired and has told a different version of events to the locals of the bar he knows.
Being refused service (and now subsequently barred) had damaged his pride massively so, he stopped child support payments as a FU. I know it has been cancelled because it usually goes in on the 13th of the month like clockwork, as he knows I have an irritation hatred of that number!
Now my XH is not a typical ‘deadbeat’ he has a successful business and several properties including a successful airbnb.
When we were together he earned over 90K a year and since our divorce his portfolio has continued to grow. Not that it matters, but FYI, I walked away from that marriage with enough for a down payment for a flat and nothing else, as I just wanted to escape. So his business, the family home and other assets stayed with him.
This is where X-MIL comes into it.
She is an accountant.
She fudges his books and puts all the properties and assets in her or her husbands name. They also hid a LOT during our divorce (which can even be seen via companies house!) not that I fought for them anyway. His filings show he claims to earn between 9-12K a year and all his other properties are out of his name. So when it comes to claiming maintenance payments through CSA it looks like - after expenses, he earns nothing and daughter won’t get the money she’s entitled too. fiancé, kids and I now live in a lovely house and do ok but we use the money for her hobbies: guitar lessons, rock climbing etc and anything extra needed.
X-MIL is his enabler. He is smart and crafty and he gets away with everything. I’ve reported his fraud several times but, they know all the loopholes.
X-MIL still has a relationship with DD on her terms, she’ll randomly text “can I see her on Sunday?” And then take her out for tea.
She’s text today asking for Friday or Sunday this week as it’s half term and I feel like I want to say no. DD isn’t too fussed either way and I feel like I want to set a boundary:
her son reinstates the maintenance payments or no, she can’t have access. She is the 2nd biggest factor as to why we can’t claim what she should be entitled too and there should be some blame consequences.
Maybe I’m just being petty? but, I’m tired of fighting this behaviour or been abused at work/school, having untrue rumours circulating. Im sick of been the bigger person and taking injustice on the chin.
DD isn’t a pawn I know but, I don’t know what else to say or do?