Do you prefer to keep your finances private?

[Lionesscubmum]

For some reason I do not like talking about money. I don't like to tell anyone how much me and dh earn, even my dc. Teenage ds has asked a few times what we earn and I just say it's for me to know. I'm not keen on being asked how much I've paid for things either.

I just feel that it's private but also that it's a bit vulgar.

Dhs parents are always telling us the ins and outs of sil finances (husbands sister). How much they earn, details of what their savings and outgoings are, every detail. I am surprised that not only they know so much but that they keep relating it back to us.

My old dad used to tell me 'never tell people how much you earn or how you vote'. It's stood me in good stead.

+1 for this. It is ok if you don’t want to share details, and no one should feel pressured to be transparent, but it is not automatically vulgar to be open about this stuff. Being braggy is vulgar (obvs?), but the older I get the more strongly I feel that being honest about money is radical and important.

Our kids could have looked up how much DH earned when they lived at home because he was in the military and the pay scales were on line. We weren’t poor, but we weren’t rich, and they knew that. They mostly got what they wanted and knew that we saved for them.

Now DH has left the military DS1 knows how much DH earns but DS2 doesn’t. DS2 knows we’re comfortable because we’re able to help him out a bit. The only reason we’ve not told DS2 is because he’d tell DDIL and she’s got loose lips. We know how much DS1 earns because he told us, he’s also military so we could look it up if we wanted to.

DS2 and DDIL are nurses, we’ve an idea how much they earn but not a definite figure, quite frankly it’s none of my business. Again I could look it up but I don’t wish to because it doesn’t concern me.

My dd (18) was talking about this the other day. My ex h has started a new job and she want to know how much he's earning (so do I if I'm honest) but I said he has a right to keep it to himself, she thinks he doesn't! I think if he provides enough food etc when she sees him that's enough. Although he doesn't pay any CM for my younger dc so would be interested to find out how much it is and I know there's a way!

I don’t consider it anyone else’s business.
Our DC know roughly what we earn and how much money we have in our current account (seen it on the app) but nobody else does.
If anyone else was to give me detailed info on their finances I would think it was very odd and I wouldn’t be interested anyway

Discussing interest rates etc is fine and DS has been educated about finances. But how much I actually earned, my mortgage or my savings absolutely no way. Looking at us as a couple we look like any other probably middle income nothing special couple. But in reality we had some years of making a decent amount of money investing and ended up paying our mortgage off in our mid thirties. So we have had twenty years of zero housing costs with an income that puts us in top 10% of earners. We didn’t tell a soul. I would never lend money to anyone and I would turn them down so rather than offend I just never shared the information because as soon as people know you have money they may have expectations.

Of course not, and as long as everyone's also into it it's fine. The posts I was replying to are about the use of the word vulgar and why privileged people sometimes consider it vulgar to talk about money. Don't think it's anything to do with keeping others down. I think it's considered vulgar because it's basic good manners to steer clear of the topic unless you're sure everyone is happy with it.

*My in laws love to tell
Us what my sil is earning now and blah blah blah.
Oh and the previous niece etc

I've recently set up self employed and am earning 5 x what sil and her partner earns but I never discuss it with anyone because it's nobody's business.

Fil and mil make the odd comment how we could afford to treat them to lunch and coffee now I must be earning more but I just ignore it*

I always find that whenever you do reveal the slightest thing about finances people are all over it. Either judging what you can/can't afford, what you should or shouldn't be spending you money on.

As others have said I agree the reluctance to discuss finances & label it vulgar is normally said by the privileged. If it's because they want to keep people who have less happy, who benefits from that? I'm a 2nd gen immigrant so I do find the whole class obsession, doth thy cap behaviour pretty odd.

Ok, I called it vulgar, would crass or poor taste be better? The main reason we don’t and our friends don’t is probably because we’re in the top 0.5% of earners in the UK. We are all in high earning professions and we’re not going to help anybody or achieve anything by comparing our enormous salaries. We talk to the DC a lot about budgeting and how many people are struggling but I’ve yet to meet anyone in our circle who tells the DC exactly how much the adults earn as we’ve heard about the kids whose parents DO tell them get into pissing contests at school (my dad earns £1.3m - well my dad had a £2m bonus).

We also don’t tell our kids how much we earn because we’re desperate to keep them motivated at school and to achieve because they are self motivated and want to earn a living - the kids who know they’ve got £millions of family money usually take their foot off the gas in my experience. Why is it when mumnsetters post their enormous salaries anonymously on threads they get told they’re showing off and/or lying? But then all of the sudden on this thread we’re supposed to be telling people in real life?

I'm easy either way. I don't openly discuss my money but am honest if asked. I have no problem telling people how much I earn etc. What I don't like to admit to is that we are mortgage free because nearly all of my friends rent and are frustrated at not being able to get on the housing ladder so I feel it would be insensitive. Happy to admit me and DH are both on pretty near to minimum wage jobs though 😂

One thing I find interesting on MNs is that you often read posts that say "we never discuss money, none of our friends would know how fortunate/comfortable we are, etc" If you never discuss it, how do you know your friends also haven't paid off their mortgage, had investments come good or received an inheritance? 😆

Why is it when mumnsetters post their enormous salaries anonymously on threads they get told they’re showing off and/or lying?

statistically that aren't many woman earning 7 figures (unfortunately) & people lie about all sorts on here all the time. I don't think it's a reach to believe that some are truthful, some aren't.

DH works for a law firm, partners earn about 2m on average. Very common in top firms but not representative of everyone in law by any stretch.

DC is quite young, so i only talk about basics - that I work, earn money, pay taxes to pay for services. That we have sufficient money, but need to budget and we can't have everything we want. I will absolutely talk to her more when she's older about earnings, pensions, savings, mortgages, debt etc. And to ensure she is financially independent and never vulnerable to being reliant on someone else.

I don't talk about money much with friends, but don't mind at all when asked and will happily share my experiences if I think it may help.

The only ones in the whole world that know what I earn are me, and the taxman. Not my DH, not my children, not my family, not my friends. Nobody can even make a guess. I like it that way, I’m in control.

I teach my DC about money using example earnings and example outgoings..

I'm very open with my kids about finances when they ask, why on Earth would you not want your own son to know? How are you going to teach them about finances, budgeting and the value of money being so guarded about your own? And we absolutely talk a lot about politics too. Very important in my opinion.

I only tell those who need to know.

Eg HMRC when I do my annual sa tax return.

It's nobody else's business what our household income is.

Re my children.
They are adults now. They know how much the bills are. They don't need to know how much we earn in order to understand what it costs to run a house. They can do addition.

@Lionesscubmum if you've set yourself up as self employed and have a Ltd company then your PIL's and SIL can satisfy their nosiness as they'll be able to see for themselves that you're earning 5 times your SIL's salary as that information is publicly available to anyone on companies house website!

The only ones in the whole world that know what I earn are me, and the taxman. Not my DH, not my children, not my family, not my friends. Nobody can even make a guess. I like it that way, I’m in control.

Do you not have. mortgage?

It worked out well for him then! Just not so much for you and your mum.

@CadburyCrunchy sorry I didn't write that I was quoting a previous poster but it didn't go in bold for some reason.

I think it's useful to broadly know where people close to you are with their finances when organising events etc - eg I knew I earned over double my db so offered to pay far more on a joint gift to my parents

Interestingly my kids (adults) know what their parents (exh exactly and me roughly) earn as his is published online and they know I don't pay income tax (clue) but dsd has no idea at all about her dad - she has been worrying about energy costs and whether we need to cut back on things at home (she's an adult but lives with us) but he earns enough to hit 45p tax! Her parents never discussed money with her, to the extent I've been teaching her about compound interest, loans, how pensions work etc. my biological kids are so much more financially savvy

Same.
People either gossip or ask you for money in an entitled way.