Do you prefer to keep your finances private?

[Lionesscubmum]

For some reason I do not like talking about money. I don't like to tell anyone how much me and dh earn, even my dc. Teenage ds has asked a few times what we earn and I just say it's for me to know. I'm not keen on being asked how much I've paid for things either.

I just feel that it's private but also that it's a bit vulgar.

Dhs parents are always telling us the ins and outs of sil finances (husbands sister). How much they earn, details of what their savings and outgoings are, every detail. I am surprised that not only they know so much but that they keep relating it back to us.

Openness about finances generally benefits people. A culture of secrecy benefits companies.

Open people compare prices, therefore are less likely to be ripped off, they will force companies to compete on price. People who are not open will often end up as loyal customers who pay over the odds to the same business repeatedly.

Open people discuss pay with peers, find out when they are underpaid and address it. People who are private about it don't find out that their colleague bob negotiated a 5k pay rise

How will your kids know what a good wage is if it's not discussed? That kind of thinking enables the gender pay gap.Financial literacy is v important and a life skill.

I'm quite happy to talk about the nitty gritty of finances with anyone who wants to know. I literally had no clue about how to budget or save growing up (and I was more of less living alone by 16 due to parents moving abroad).

I ended up in debt as I had no idea that you should save some of your salary towards car repairs etc. I was running a car but no one thought to tell me that there will be unexpected costs that come with this. I think I started to think about money a bit more when I read a Sophie Kinsella book about a character in debt. No one ever talked about how much they earned and everyone seemed to have these City type jobs where they were competing to pay the bill so how could I ever learn? I read magazines like Red where it seemed to be normal to spend £500 on a handbag!

Now I'm thankful for social media and people who share, even anonymously how much they earn and what they do with it. We don't have any debt other than the mortgage now and thanks to those money accounts I follow, we invest for the children and ourselves, we overpay the mortgage, have well funded pensions, we have general savings and budget for things like car repairs.

I'll tell anyone who is interested what we do with our money. It's the only way people can learn.

When i was a kid my Dad said never to look in a man's wallet. I grew up looking away when anyone got their purse or wallet out and never discussed money. I would have liked to understand home finances. After they divorced mum and i were exceptionally poor. She worked such long hours but i didn't understand how wages didn't equate to hours or effort and how was it possible to work 6x12hr days and not be able to buy me new trainers. It's an educational opportunity like no other.

I'm generally pretty open. My salary is graded and has to be approved by a committee so it's easy enough to say the grade if it's relevant. It's also pretty easy to tell from other advertised salaries at my employer.

The word vulgar is a clue
It's a system designed to keep the lower classes in their place.

Agree it's also largely people who earn a lot &/or come from a privilege background who think it's vulgar. I guess it makes it easier to maintain the status quo?

I discuss budgeting etc with my teenage DS. My adult DD is better at it than me! I work in public sector so it’s easy to see what I earn. I don’t mind discussing what things cost but I don’t discuss my finances with family and friends . When my ex lost his job I worked lots of extra hours to keep us afloat and was offended by his constant whinging to anyone who would listen how he couldn’t afford anything . I hated him discussing our private business.

I talk in detail with my teenagers about what I earn, bills, investments, mortgages etc. DS1 is now in Uni and he and I discussed how he would budget and how I manage my money. He sorted out all the utilities etc for his student house in the 2nd year. Heck, I even referred him to the same energy co we use (which was the best option for them) so we each got a referral fee off our next bill.
I also talk to women in my industry about what I earn as I have had a few battles over unfair pay levels compared to male colleagues.

100% agree!! No one needs to know x

I'd say I'm not secretive but also only very open with some people. My parents know quite a bit, eg. I'm a first time buyer they know what our budget is and how much deposit we have etc. I'm not sure if they know how much we earn exactly but probably have a good idea, same with my best friend. Other people I'm more vague with although me and dp both work for the nhs so easy to know how much we earn due to banding and also we rent and people know we want to buy so have an idea that we aren't rolling in it.

Good points about discussing these things with children and budgeting etc.

Contradicting myself a bit here but I do discuss bills and house prices, saving up and the general cost of living with the teenager just not my salary, I m not actually quite sure why. I think it's because I want him to do the very best he can rather than thinking that his parents are alright doing such and such jobs. It won't be as easy for the next generation.

Or because it's not nice to boast/ risk making other people feel bad or uncomfortable and makes you look a bit of a prat, surely? Same reason it's vulgar to talk about how gigantic your engagement ring is/ how incredibly gifted your child is at piano/ the modelling opportunity you never took up in your youth.

Talking about finances risks people feeling upset or embarrassed about having less when there is no need. And it can make those who don't want to talk about their private financial situation feeling uncomfortable. And it's often not very interesting - who on earth wants to know the detail of other peoples utility bills?!

So better not to do it unless you are very sure everyone is into it. (I don't think this means you should leave your kids clueless about finances though. That seems like a v bad idea).

Think you'll find they are taught it in UK schools!

www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2021/10/first-ever-financial-education-textbook-arrives-in-welsh-schools/

I don't discuss it with anyone except dh. We are comfortably well off. But we well remember what it's like having very little money and how we felt when wealthier relatives spoke about how much they had. We've had times when celebratory meals out for birthdays, organised by others with little thought of budgets, gave us nothing left for the month. When you're not earning much, it's hard to hear the ins and outs of others' earnings.

12yo ds knows "we have enough for everything we need and some of what we want". He also doesn't know he'll have money from us in savings when he's older, and inherit well. He does have a Go Henry account though, is given a monthly allowance and is expected to budget to afford his bus fares. It's practical experience of budgeting that prepares them for life in the real world, not knowing what their parents earn. We do talk to him about how much things cost though.

Totally agree with this.
Any financial discussions within my peer group are to lift each other up.
When we were all younger and starting out it was tips, ideas, tricks to save for a property. (London).
Everyone was pretty transparent (within a close friendship circle) about who had a parental contribution so it was easier to understand why people could afford something and what was reasonable if you were saving yourself.
We shared research on areas, what was a good stepping stone area in London and how to make money to progress from a small flat.
Later sharing construction costs, how a pay review went, advice and encouragement to ask a rise in-line with project work of the year etc.
A friend shared her wedding excel for example to give me an idea of what the costs are for a certain type of wedding for example.

It it all to build each other up and encourage, it is never bragging, it is never demanding to know ‘private details’ it merely comes up in conversation.
Another example is friends coming over after major construction and complimented how the work turned out, said they wanted to put similar but they didn’t know if it was realistic. I was happy to share the cost and most importantly the hidden fee cost so they could set a budget and work towards something.

To me people calling it “vulgar” is just a way to say ‘lower class’ and therefore all it says is that person thinks they are better than others because of what they discuss with their own friends.
Calling it vulgar says more about them than me imo.

My in laws love to tell
Us what my sil is earning now and blah blah blah.
Oh and the previous niece etc

I've recently set up self employed and am earning 5 x what sil and her partner earns but I never discuss it with anyone because it's nobody's business.

Fil and mil make the odd comment how we could afford to treat them to lunch and coffee now I must be earning more but I just ignore it

No I don’t talk about finances with my family or friends. Obviously everyone can work out from people’s jobs who is a high earner, who is a low earner etc. But I don’t know exactly how much most of my friends earn and they don’t know how much I earn, same for siblings/parents. In fact I think my parents would assume I earn less than I actually do.

the only person I am open with is my best friend - we’re in the same industry (originally met as graduates at work) and we do tell each other about pay rises and bonuses etc as it’s useful to have a benchmark for salary negotiations etc!

My dad k owns what I earn because he deals with my bookwork but he's never ever made any comment about it

Given some of the questions my teens came back with.... I'll stick with talking about it at home and being open.

I had some excellent advice about money when I was growing up and now we are well off. So we have shared our knowledge with our dc and talk about money pretty freely. It's neglectful not to educate your dc regards finance. I bet the super rich do. When someone talks about money I don't immediately think 'Bragging' I listen and decides if it's useful.
My clients have to share at least part of their finances with me and I barely know them.
People are so scared of talking about money, it's ridiculous.

My salary is graded and has to be approved by a committee

My salary is banded too, yet there's SO much wiggle room. conversations in the pub are often very revealing. We negotiate our pay ourselves and a lot of people do themselves no favours.

Any financial discussions within my peer group are to lift each other up.

I told my friend my salary for my latest job. This made him realised just how underpaid he is, as a result he decided to move & got 20k more. He really, really needs that money at the moment (young family) so I'm so pleased for him.

I definitely think finances and politics should be discussed. Anyone in the public sector's payscales are public information so it's not like it's a big secret. I think it is important in the context of public sector pay freezes of over a decade that this is really understood in the context of other industries which requires others to discuss their incomes also. See also, women being paid less. Politics, well, we've had more than enough people trying to destroy the country with stupid decisions lately, as an electorate we should be discussing that and what we want for our futures. I think silence breeds ignorance around both these issues, and positive change rarely stems from ignorance.

I don't mind telling people, I think it's good to discuss salary/finances, especially for women.

I also discuss finances with DS1 (nearly 7, good at maths) so he doesn't get completely unrealistic ideas from YouTube!

@prisscalledwanda but you are talking about different things. Talking about finances doesn't have to equal boasting does it?
My parents & inlaws know the price of any property/mortgage I have. They helped us get on the ladder, same for everyone we know & all of us say we couldn't have done it without help. DH works in finance & a former colleague & friend of DHs moved into legal finance & was open about the better salaries/bonus for same work so DH followed him.