Do you prefer to keep your finances private?

[Lionesscubmum]

For some reason I do not like talking about money. I don't like to tell anyone how much me and dh earn, even my dc. Teenage ds has asked a few times what we earn and I just say it's for me to know. I'm not keen on being asked how much I've paid for things either.

I just feel that it's private but also that it's a bit vulgar.

Dhs parents are always telling us the ins and outs of sil finances (husbands sister). How much they earn, details of what their savings and outgoings are, every detail. I am surprised that not only they know so much but that they keep relating it back to us.

No. I am a teacher. My salary is public knowledge. Right here: https://www.eis.org.uk/pay-and-conditions-of-service/salary-scales

I don't 'get' secrecy about finance. I'm sure it's a public sector thing.

I never knew what my parents earned, and don't live in debt. .
Fine to discuss budgeting, but no need to go into specifics about how much you earn.

DH and I are only open with one another but that’s it. Other people ask us things like how much do you earn/how much was that holiday etc and we just say we don’t want to discuss it. My mum’s terrible for it 😂 I would be mortified to ask someone how much they earned. If they want to tell me then fine but i’m not asking 🤷‍♀️

Having worked in one country where nobody discussed wages, where I twice accidentally discovered I was being paid way worse than my male counterparts, and another country, where wages are on a scale and openly discussed so I know exactly where I stand, I prefer the latter. I guess if you’re the one raking it in and great at negotiation, then you’d much prefer the former.

We talk about finances ( and politics) a lot at home. I think it's important to plan for the future and to educate our children.
Boasting about wages to the ' outside world' would be vulgar.
Having a transparent pay structure at work is important I think

Vulgar to discuss income. But then we and all our friends (apart from doctor friends on nhs bands) are high earners in the private sector and it would be absolutely jaw dropping if anyone even intimated how much they earned. Even the Dr friends would never mention how much they earned in private practice or how much they had in their pension.

Holidays are carefully discussed - a friend, when pressed by me as I was trying to figure out if it would work for us, disclosed that their family half term holiday was £20k. I thanked her for helping me cross it off my list for next year!

We try and keep our DC vaguely aware, mostly so they understand what jobs earn what and how much they would need to earn to afford private school fees, holidays abroad, nice house etc.

I'm with you OP. Talking about money with anyone outside the family except your boss or your financial advisor, risks sounding like either boasting or complaining.

And discussing it in specific terms with your children is risky too. By telling them you are loaded, it will get around the play ground and risk bullying, burglaries etc.

I discuss budgets with my ds(14) so he understands the pressures and the value of money but being discreet is just common sense.

The idea that it's vulgar to discuss money or politics with family or friends is very stuffy and old-fashioned imo. And anyone who is being asked about how much they earn in a nosy, intrusive way by 'leeches' needs to stop spending time with awful people.

The word vulgar is a clue
It's a system designed to keep the lower classes in their place.
Wage transparency might lead to demands for wage fairness, and then where would we be!
You can apply the same 'vulgar' rule to many things in the UK. It's a very divided and class based country

I'm with you to an extent. Dh and I talk about money in front of the kids, they understand when times are tight (mostly these days) they understand why their grandparents have a higher disposable income than us but they also know how eye rolly I am about my sisters constant dialogue about her income.

My sister has OCD. Probably on the spectrum (not in a Mumsnet "have you thought about autism" way but actually quite likely given family history and how it presents in our family) she uses a budgeting app obsessively (not a bad thing) and kind of scripts her situation to people. I know exactly what her husband earns and her and her mortgage what she spends on shopping, her electricity bill etc etc. I never share that detail with her. Having said that I do talk about "not sure how we'll afford" "will need to get a car loan" etc etc so it's not total lockdown on money issues.

She used to work for us in a book keeping capacity so she has an idea of our income (and how it's depleted!) but I'd never actively discuss it with her.

My parents don't know what we earn. Our friends don't know what we earn. They don't need to know that. I do know what my best friend earns because she discussed it with me when she applied for the job. It's definitely not a "need to know" thing though.

I think it's a good idea to talk about money with your kids and it's a bit weird to be secretive about it. At the moment there is SO much talk about cost of living that I imagine they are seeking reassurance that the family is ok.

I really don't understand not discussing politics. Again, with children it is SO important that you can all discuss what is happening before our very eyes! But also with wider family. Also, op you don't have to live by the rules you were brought up with. No one will strike you down I'd you decide on new rules or throw our rules altogether.

I think it’s important to talk about it with your older/adult children so they know how much it costs to maintain your lifestyle. I was shocked when I left home and had no idea how much bills etc were. It’s also good to let them know how much you save and how much you put in pensions each month.

To strangers I'm quite quiet but with my teenagers I tell them. I show them my budget, where all the money goes - its an eye opener for them. I'm separated from their dad so i do it even more for them to understand why I say no or I can't afford it.
How else do our young people learn how to budget, what bills, credit cards, loans, interest ar e? They aren't taught it at school, I wasn't taught it from my parents and I went crazy with debt on 'nothing'.
My opinion anyway 🤷‍♀️

This.

I'm very private about finances. My 7 yo daughter asks lots of questions, especially atm as we are moving house and I do explain things to her but each time I tell her it is information not to be told to anyone else. My mother is very nosey and I hate it

I think not discussing money and politics is really odd. They are the things that make the world go round, in many ways. In particular I can't understand not telling your own kids what you earn. I can't think of any situation where it would be bad for them to know that. Isn't it part of their education almost.

I’ve never physically come across anyone in real life who does this. They wouldn’t be my friends, I suppose that’s why I don’t know anyone like that.

Anyone could see some people’s salaries because it’s public but the ins and outs of what you’re paying for this and that, why?
Id rather talk about something else

Money, politics and religion are not considered polite conversation are they.

If you want to be genteel and inoffensive, then you shouldn’t discuss money, politics, health, religion or sex (I’m sure there are many more). I am quite glad people don’t mind being vulgar, as I find all these topics interesting.

My parents were the same, very secretive. I never knew anything about what they earned ir what things cost. I think this did affect me in terms of how I handled money. They never sat down with me and gave pointers on how money should be allocated once you receive a wage. I don’t want the same for my DC. I want to show them how to manage your money properly and that includes sitting down every month and going through what goes where. I use a cash envelope system amd zero based budget and I wish I had known about it years ago.

I never discuss salary with colleagues however. For me, that is a no and always has been.

It's a weird British thing that says it's "vulgar" to talk about finances/salaries, or how much the mortgage is etc. I don't understand it myself.

It was very refreshing in Norway to see that people's earnings and the amount of tax they paid is public knowledge. It's called "skatteetaten" and you can search anyone's salary, how much they earn and how much tax they've paid. I think you get 500 free searches, you can check your family, friends, neighbours and the boss if you so wish.

However, you can also see who has checked your salary, and searches do show who has checked. I like the transparency of it all (I make no secret of my own finances, there is nothing 'private' about it all). It also has the effect of ensuring everyone pays their taxes....who wants to be publicly seen as a tax dodger?!

If someone asks me I’ll tell them but none of my close friends (old school friends) have asked me but one knows I’m a higher tax rate payer as I complained to one last year about overtime putting me into the 40% and I’ve had a promotion since. I don’t know what my friends earn. My local friend knows as when I told her I was applying for a job on promotion she asked what the salary was. So yeah I don’t have any objections to talking about it but I’m rarely asked. My kids know what I earn.

I don't really understand why some people are so secretive or hung up about money. I think it's good to be transparent with dc & the whole world can see what I paid for my house anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Absolutely this.