To be annoyed with ‘nurture class’

[GryffindorWarrior]

My DS, 4, recently started p1. After only 8 days I received a call from a teacher who isn’t his class teacher asking if I would be ok if DS attended a group she ran to “help him with settling in”. It’s 90 mins, once a week. I asked why exactly he needed it and didn’t get a definitive answer, only that ‘group will give him the tools needed for his emotional toolbox’. With no specific answer given I agreed to one 90 min session thinking he just needed to be told the rules and how to settle into the school day. I asked DS I’d he liked school and he said yes. He’s made friends and enjoys the work Altho says he gets bored sometimes when he finishes before others. I then asked if he’s done anything in class like shouting out, stopping other kids learning etc, he replied no. Last week I received an email inviting me to attend a meeting to discuss the next steps of nurture club. Turns out he’s been going every week despite me specifically saying only one session. This meeting is with the principal, class teacher and nurture teacher! Overkill much? I looked into nurture club and tbh I’m a bit annoyed! DS doesn’t come into any of the criteria that would warrant it. If he did then no problem but I’m annoyed school continued sessions without my knowledge. AIBU to say he won’t be attending any longer? I feel this meeting is to almost bully me into complying with it given there’s 3 of them. It just doesn’t feel right. I have asked for clarification of the exact reason DS is attending but have had no response.

sorry for the long post but any experiences or advice would be welcome. Thanks.

It isn’t up to the OP to direct their resources but it is her responsibility as a parent to ensure that the education is suitable and that where her DC is being singled out in some way, he is being treated appropriately. Which is what she has been trying to do.

If they had answered her question about why her son was targeted for the nurture group when she asked it, this meeting now - weeks down the line having already ignored critical aspects of their previous communication with her - would not feel like an attempt at intimidation.

So eldest 4 years ago was invited to a nurture group called nest. I got a random letter in his bag and googled it. Worried myself sick. Turns out he was really anxious and really really shy. He went to the group for a couple of months and it changed him for the better in ways I could only imagine.

I don't understand why you would be upset for him to go more than once. Its great theyve identified early he needs a bit more help. Doesnt mean anything negative but some children transition much better than others.

It was only when I spoke to the teacher she told me what's what. If I hadnt have chased it up I'd never have known. Not ideal by any stretch.

You have taken it as a slight rather than an opportunity for your child to grow.

YABU - I agree the communication could have been better, but it sounds like they have concerns and are trying to support him and now want to discuss it with you.

Why wouldn't you want your child to have every possible help to succeed and be happy?

Sounds like you might be the problem

I am with you @NumberTheory but apparently whatever your child is offered you should slurp up with slavish gratitude, which I find really strange.

Not everything that is offered at school is good.

As for you, @berksandbeyond , I would say YOU are the problem, with Mumsnet.

That was a bitchy, spiteful post.

Right 🙄
There are plenty of posters on here who would love more support and early intervention for their kids but OP has clearly decided she knows better than the school

Yes, I think she probably does as well, working on the assumption she isn’t a fool.

I am a teacher myself. I would be taken aback if any parent thought I knew better about their child than they did.

"That isn’t clarification. They’ve provided a general objective for the sessions, they haven’t told OP what her son is experiencing or exhibiting that makes this a suitable activity for him."

Within 1-2 weeks of him starting school they identified that he was struggling to settle into school routines and expectations, and that he needed support to manage his emotions.

Within six weeks of him starting school, they have reviewed the intervention and asked for a meeting to discuss next steps.

Yes, I think that's quite good actually. I have worked in schools who wouldn't have the resources to offer this, schools that wouldn't notice he needed support, schools that would have sent him to nurture group without discussing it with mum first, schools where the Head would be 'too busy' to take an interest or attend a meeting. I'm not criticising op but it does smart to see a good school trying their best and coming up against parental obstruction and criticism. And posters whipping up op's emotions when so many have tried to explain why it may be beneficial. I only urge op to go to the meeting with an open mind instead of pre-conceived ideas and ready for battle.

Wish we had a "like" button for this last post by @donttellmehesalive

This is your assumption of what’s happened. It’s not what they have told the OP and is not clear communication to the OP of what her DC is experiencing in school.

I’m not criticising the program here, it most likely is totally appropriate. But the school has failed to communicate, engage and partner with the child’s parent. That’s bad because parents understanding how their children are struggling, not just getting paternalistic - don’t worry your pretty little head about it we’re dealing with it - treatment, is critical to better long term outcomes for children. It allows for adjustments and understanding at home, it allows the parent to provide better information to the school and it builds trust and cooperation between parents and school.

And for the small percentage of cases where a school is getting it wrong, it makes it very difficult for them to be held to account in a timely way.

You are bang on NumberTheory

And actually it IS about 'giving permission' for your child to be in Group A or Group B'. Here in Scotland parents/ carers need to give permission for a pupil to be in a separate group outwith their regular classroom. I need to post letters of permission all the time to parents/ carers. The reasons for the removal also needs to be super clear, and pastoral care teachers call home as a follow up.

Also, we have been back to school for 10 weeks in Scotland, not 'barely 6 weeks'. I can't stand the England centrism on here. It's very clear the OP is in Scotland.😒

Absolutely 💯.

My son is in a nurture group. He is bright and above where he needs to be in all his subjects, he behaves in class and he has a nice group of friends. The school has a lot of children who need additional support and could very well have left him to it and concentrated on them. But instead they've identified him as being a child who lacks confidence and so are helping him address that in nurture group...I'm really impressed with the school for doing this and certainly not embarrassed by it.

I think they should have given you a proper explanation so for that yanbu but I think you should hear them out as they are best placed to assess his needs.

"AIBU to say he won’t be attending any longer? I feel this meeting is to almost bully me into complying with it given there’s 3 of them."

Please don't go to the meeting with your mind already made up. If he is exhibiting concerning behaviour and they have found the nurture group to be effective in addressing this with other pupils, why refuse it? Would you prefer him to be unsupported or do you think there are other ways to support him that they haven't tried or thought of yet?

And apologies to the pp who seems very cross at my reference to six weeks when it should have been ten - you are quite right of course. Although a need was identified after 8 days, regardless of when the school year started.

@Puffalicious I was the poster who listed the bereavement etc etc
but my son received nurture and has no experience with any of those “big” issues. I’m also a teacher although not nurture trained and genuinely commented on how little his schools “need” must be if he’s receiving nurture! He attends a mid-sized school in a very middle class suburb of a NE city.

Yes it would be helpful for you to have more clarity to support at home. Ask them to bullet point it for you in an email if they’re being wooley. But, gosh I’d be lapping this up! 4 is far too young too be in school imho and something like this sounds wonderful, Grab it with both hands.

Completely agree with you. I had to fight with the local authority to gain extra support for mine, it was so stressful and caused my mental health to deteriorate even more than it was. I'd have been very happy to have avoided the stress for me and my DC and just been offered support upon starting.