To be annoyed with ‘nurture class’

[GryffindorWarrior]

My DS, 4, recently started p1. After only 8 days I received a call from a teacher who isn’t his class teacher asking if I would be ok if DS attended a group she ran to “help him with settling in”. It’s 90 mins, once a week. I asked why exactly he needed it and didn’t get a definitive answer, only that ‘group will give him the tools needed for his emotional toolbox’. With no specific answer given I agreed to one 90 min session thinking he just needed to be told the rules and how to settle into the school day. I asked DS I’d he liked school and he said yes. He’s made friends and enjoys the work Altho says he gets bored sometimes when he finishes before others. I then asked if he’s done anything in class like shouting out, stopping other kids learning etc, he replied no. Last week I received an email inviting me to attend a meeting to discuss the next steps of nurture club. Turns out he’s been going every week despite me specifically saying only one session. This meeting is with the principal, class teacher and nurture teacher! Overkill much? I looked into nurture club and tbh I’m a bit annoyed! DS doesn’t come into any of the criteria that would warrant it. If he did then no problem but I’m annoyed school continued sessions without my knowledge. AIBU to say he won’t be attending any longer? I feel this meeting is to almost bully me into complying with it given there’s 3 of them. It just doesn’t feel right. I have asked for clarification of the exact reason DS is attending but have had no response.

sorry for the long post but any experiences or advice would be welcome. Thanks.

Those of you not in Scotland, please stop replying.

PP is absolutely correct, nurture class/ room is for "children who are dealing with bereavement, domestic abuse, drug and alcohol issues in the family etc' or have other reasons for a lack of nurture and/ or attachment from their primary caregivers in their formative years. It's connected to John Bowlby's Attachment Theory.

So I would be HUGELY concerned that teachers thought my child needed nurture class. He may need it, but there needs to have been a Boxall Profile and the parent needs to have been told why it's needed.

In my school (secondary) there are kids who have nurture time every morning for 50 minutes with structured activities. These are very much kids who struggle with attachment due to the things listed above.

OP you need to find out why he's there. It's NOT just friendship/ settling in/ shyness.

I'm in Scotland and none of those things apply to me. My daughter struggled with her attention span in her first two years at school. She took longer to be ready for school then in around primary 3 had a developmental leap. She's in p5 now and shows absolutely no signs of attachment issues.

They identified need and have acted on it. That's a great school. I'd assume the meeting is to discuss any concerns they have. I'd go and be open to what they tell you. By all means explain you misunderstood and thought it was a one off.

I replied and I am a teacher in Scotland with full nurture training and have ran a nurture room for over 10 years. I can assure you that not all children in my groups have slotted into this ‘box’. It’s not one size fits all.

Boxall profiles can be carried out on any child. Yes there must be some initial concern but as I stated in my previous response I wonder if his age and the 2 years of lockdown/social distancing have impeded his social and emotional skills. Pupils can be screened for behavioural concerns, issues within their home, attachment etc however they can also be screened to assess any social, emotional and/or behavioural issues. My guess as OP hasn’t stated any issues with behaviour, that her child is struggling socially and emotionally. The school did state to help him build his emotional toolbox so something he is demonstrating in class must be concerning them.

Apologies meant to quote @Puffalicious

@Puffalicious maybe you need to find out more about what happens in Primary and Early Years before saying other posters shouldn't reply ?

Lots of posters on this thread have experience with Nurture Groups - either as a parent of a child who has benefited or as a Teacher or TA who has either run them or who have them in their schools. There is a MUCH wider remit than you have for the one particular group in your particular school.

I think it's great they've identified something early and have been offering extras. Why would you be annoyed? They are trying to help your child and he obviously does meet some criteria if he is accessing it.

The experience and expertise is very much apparent on the thread, but in Scotland, nurture groups (and the training for such groups) are quite specific to be MAINLY for children who fall into the categories that have been listed. As Macaroni has commented, the training is specific and targeted. I'm also nurture trained, as are both my SIL and BF who are depute heads in Glasgow/ surrounding council primary schools, so I don't come to this topic blind.

Perhaps in inner-city schools (like in Glasgow) the need is so great that there is only space in nurture for those kids who fall into those categories, whereas in other areas in Scotland there is more room for emotional/ social issues? Ive only ever come across nurtyre rooms/ groups with children with addiction/ bereavement/ attachment issues etc. OP hasn't said where she is.

Interestingly, Macaroni are you inner city or elsewhere, because even in Milngavie/ Bearsden in E Dumbartonshire (where my friend heads nurture) the children really only fall into the previous categories.

Additionally, they are only ever run by a teacher, not a PSA/ SLA/ TA.

I’d be worried he makes friends with all the badly behaved kids. Happened to my friend’s kid. She had to move his school in the end as he was really vulnerable and easily led.

Go to the meeting, carrying a clip board and pen. Say

"I have asked for clarification of the exact reason DS is attending Nurture group but have had no response. This is all new to me so you won't mind if I make notes?"

How strange that you're assuming they want to bully you. You've been asking for clarification and they've arranged a meeting. Clearly they've identified something - the meeting is the perfect time to discuss what and give your thoughts.

@Puffalicious I’m in the central belt not directly in a city but the outskirts. The first council, where I was trained, was affluent and here I ran full nurture classes P1-3 and p4-7 daily for ACEs children all on the lower scale of the SIMD index. Weekly I worked with a different group of children in the school who had other difficulties that were not due to any severe life experiences but similar reasons like what I suggested could be for OP. When I moved schools it was to an area with a higher rate of multiple deprivation and all of the children I worked with had 2 or more on the ACEs score. These children required nurture and there was a long list of others which was heartbreaking to see. In addition there were many other children who would have benefitted from this had there been the space/staff etc. The introduction of art and music therapy came some way in helping to support these children and in addition groups such as seasons for growth.
The children who go to nurture rooms are not ‘badly behaved’ @Runaway1 all children are at times ‘badly behaved’ or as I see it having difficulty expressing and moderating their emotions. I’m sure many more children will be struggling in the next few years due to the impact of covid. All children learn behaviours and often pick up on the least favourable ones. That’s when schools and parents have to step in and demonstrate in a positive manner. In nurture rooms the staff are trained to model good relationships and behaviour just as much as they are trained in the principals of nurture.

My daughter is in p6, Scotland. Central belt. She does a nurture class. She is very shy. The letter said it was for her social confidence skills. Or to those words. I 100% agree she needs some sort of help. I think she goes to a Lego group. She also went to one in p2 and loved it. A smaller group. They made cookies and done fun stuff. I’ll take all the help with her that I can get.

A perfect post Macaroni explaining your role. It is, indeed, heartbreaking. The pupils we work with in our school (85% of our role are SIMD 1-3) sadly need that vital modeling of what good relationships are due to ACEs. I work in a literacy role, but work with lots of the same pupils, so had training in nurture and All Behaviour is Communication.

Good to see in other areas that nurture classes can be extended to other groups of children with social or emotional needs. If only we had the funding in the inner-cities to facilitate this.

Perhaps you are misunderstanding what it is? My child't school had a similar club. Any new children or children finding it difficult to make / keep friends / settle in were invited.
So children are quite out there and it's possible your DS maybe gets left behind or can't hold his own around the group of friends he has. They all develop at different stages. I sent my child to the club and she enjoyed it for a term. This for us was nothing to do with intelligence as the child is top set - but it was more about helping them socially because they needed it in comparison to some of the other children.
Accept the help and don't be offended - work with them.

You seem quite defensive about it, and annoyed that they are trying to support him after obviously seeing some kind of difficulty in school.

Obviously you need to know the specific reasons why they think it's needed, and maybe that's what the meeting is for. I can assure you they wouldn't be suggesting an expensive time consuming resource for no reason.

Nurture Club will have slightly different meanings from school to school but generally they are for children who have social and emotional barriers to learning to ensure the best outcome for them.

But you’ve been invited to a meeting so you can find out……go and find out

It would be reasonable to ask for a chat with the teacher to find out where he is struggling, but it is very likely they think he needs support with social skills or emotional regulation.

I think there is no need to be defensive, nurture groups can really help dc.

Why wouldn't you want him to go?

But in reception, you don't finish before everyone else and be bored. You do small group work and go and play. They're literally introducing letters and sounds.

Nurture club, comes under so many other terms in all schools. The thrive approach, sunshine circles. I doubt it would be for 90 mins. No 4 year old would be able to focus that long. 30 max.

Oh and in my experience, for children that age, it's literally singing a song, playing a board game, having a chat, sensory activites.

Speak to the school but go in with a positive outlook on this. It's so common in schools. Half the children in my school were on it. The other half begged to come along too because it's a fun activity in a small group

Given that OP has asked for clarification and not received it and her consent to just one session has been ignored, I can see why she would see her first meeting being 3:1 with a specialist (nurture teacher) and authority figure (principal) as an attempt to railroad her and not give her room to speak or explore the questions she has.

It’s a classic way of trying to manage someone you don’t really want to give space to.

"Given that OP has asked for clarification and not received it and her consent to just one session has been ignored, I can see why she would see her first meeting being 3:1 with a specialist (nurture teacher) and authority figure (principal) as an attempt to railroad her and not give her room to speak or explore the questions she has. "

She has had clarification. They said it is to help him to settle into school and to help him with strategies to manage his emotions. What more is needed? That may be as much clarity as they could offer at that point.

Now they know him better and he's had more sessions, they've asked for a meeting. We are only six weeks into the school year and already he has been offered all of this support. I fail to see what they've done wrong really. Communication seems good. I can see why op is annoyed that he had more than one session but many pp have offered reasons why it will be beneficial to him.

That isn’t clarification. They’ve provided a general objective for the sessions, they haven’t told OP what her son is experiencing or exhibiting that makes this a suitable activity for him.

The point isn’t whether other people think it might be good for him. The point is that OP is his parent, not you or any of the other posters on this thread. It is OP that needs to be convinced it’s good for him, not railroaded over by the school because they aren’t interested in having to justify what they want to do. So ignoring that she only gave permission for one session is a huge red flag about how they think about her role in her son’s school life.

If you think that’s good communication your standards are terrible.

While I can see how it can be construed that way, it is equally possible that the meeting is with two members of staff because the principal wants to know about the needs of the newest reception children, as well as their parents.

It feels a little "damned if you do, damned if you don't" here. OP wants to know what's going on and why (rightly, of course). But OP doesn't want to meet to find out the answer as she's worried about what might be said (which is fair enough, but a bit of a sticking point as I'm sure they can't easily answer at pickup time).

The point isn’t whether other people think it might be good for him. The point is that OP is his parent, not you or any of the other posters on this thread. It is OP that needs to be convinced it’s good for him, not railroaded over by the school because they aren’t interested in having to justify what they want to do. So ignoring that she only gave permission for one session is a huge red flag about how they think about her role in her son’s school life.

Yes, the OP is his parent, but the school staff are his educators. Alongside being the educators of the other 29 children in his class, and 59 or however many there are in the year group. As a parent, it isn't a case of 'giving permission' for your child to be in Group A or Group B, and it isn't your decision about how the needs of the children, within school, are best met within the confines of the schools' budget, staffing, and resources. How the school directs its resources for the best outcomes for all isn't the decision of any individual parent.