To be annoyed with ‘nurture class’

[GryffindorWarrior]

My DS, 4, recently started p1. After only 8 days I received a call from a teacher who isn’t his class teacher asking if I would be ok if DS attended a group she ran to “help him with settling in”. It’s 90 mins, once a week. I asked why exactly he needed it and didn’t get a definitive answer, only that ‘group will give him the tools needed for his emotional toolbox’. With no specific answer given I agreed to one 90 min session thinking he just needed to be told the rules and how to settle into the school day. I asked DS I’d he liked school and he said yes. He’s made friends and enjoys the work Altho says he gets bored sometimes when he finishes before others. I then asked if he’s done anything in class like shouting out, stopping other kids learning etc, he replied no. Last week I received an email inviting me to attend a meeting to discuss the next steps of nurture club. Turns out he’s been going every week despite me specifically saying only one session. This meeting is with the principal, class teacher and nurture teacher! Overkill much? I looked into nurture club and tbh I’m a bit annoyed! DS doesn’t come into any of the criteria that would warrant it. If he did then no problem but I’m annoyed school continued sessions without my knowledge. AIBU to say he won’t be attending any longer? I feel this meeting is to almost bully me into complying with it given there’s 3 of them. It just doesn’t feel right. I have asked for clarification of the exact reason DS is attending but have had no response.

sorry for the long post but any experiences or advice would be welcome. Thanks.

My son attends nurture too. Quite happy he has the opportunity TBH. Nothing wrong admitting your son needs help doesn't make you a bad parent:)

My son gets nurture (he’s P6 so a little older obviously) I too was a bit hurt/confused as to why he was getting nurture as the children who get it at my school (I’m a teacher) are generally children dealing with bereavement, domestic abuse, drug and alcohol issues in the family etc. which isn’t something he has experienced

Had a meeting with SfL who runs the group and it was all very positive! Honestly any extra support like this is fantastic, the funding for this sort of thing is scarce.

Can I ask whether you applied for school uniform grant? Just wondering if your son is getting PEF money and this is how they’re potentially spending it

Altho says he gets bored sometimes when he finishes before others.

I wonder if either a. They’re identified him as bright and as he’s young for his year giving him some extra support or b. The fact that he’s bright and finishing before the others is causing him to act up in class and they’re giving him ‘nurture’ rather than giving him more work to keep him occupied.

If the school have concerns then they should share them with you - they should not be trying to recommend or force a child to attend unless there is a reason.

I would bite the schools hands off for this.

P1? In Scotland? And it's almost November and he's still 4? He'll be one of the youngest in the class and it sounds like they're just trying to give him a bit more support with that.

YABVU to expect anything more than "fine" out of a child of any age when you ask how their day was.

YABU, for all the reasons stated above.
You should be pleased that the school is so proactive and that is also has the funding still to put something like this in place for little ones struggling to make the adjustment to starting school. Many schools have had to lose brilliant support like this due to their budgets.

How do you know it’s brilliant support?

You don’t: no one does.

It could well be the opposite of brilliant support, which is why the OP is fully justified in wanting to know more about what’s happened.

YABU and in complete denial.

He’s in there because he needs to be.
But so what?
That doesn’t say anything about him or about your parenting at all.

You can discuss your concerns in the meeting but my advice would be to grab as much extra help as you can for him.

See this as a positive thing.
He is getting much more 1 on 1 attention than he would be in a class of 30+ all day.

My DD needed an early intervention as she was behind the majority of the class.

The TAs took small groups out and helped them and they all soon caught up.

My DD has been predicted excellent GCSEs and I truly believe the early intervention helped massively.
So many get overlooked but the teacher and TA picked up on it really early.

My eldest was sent to nurture group despite me complaining. It was ok for a while but he ended up missing 3 afternoons a week of classroom education for 3 years and the group didn't really seem to provide any benefit after the first 6 months even though he enjoyed it. The end result is that he missed out on a lot of lessons and gained a bunch of pretty badly behaved friends from the group which he had to distance himself from in secondary.

My advice would be to go with it short term but put a firm review date in at the meeting and find out exactly why he's in there at the meeting.

The school has a duty to use its best endeavours to help your child. You can't override that duty by preventing your child from accessing support they have arranged. You need to be open-minded about this and understand they are not doing it for fun.

My daughter went to a nurture class when she was 6, now goes again at 10. They said it was to build confidence in social situations.I’m more than happy for her to go. She needs help. Why would you not want your child to get help. Is it because you feel she’s been singled out from other kids her own age? Don’t be. The kids who go to these groups have a great time.

Sounds lovely and I can't see why you're getting defensive about it. It's good that a school wants to offer tailored support your child, surely

They should have told you what it’s for, but you seem to be assuming it’s for children with behavioural issues?

They can be, but depending on the school and the mix of pupils it could just be because he’s very young compared to the rest of his class (he is very young) and needs a bit of support mixing with the older children.

You sent your 4 year old child into Primary 1? Why did you not take advantage of the new law to ensure deferral?

"I have seen this sort of thing happen a few times, where either there is a problem and this isn’t communicated to the parents, or there isn’t a problem and the child is making up numbers or doesn’t really need what’s on offer."

Making up numbers? Not in any school I've ever worked in. We don't withdraw children from lessons to 'make up the numbers.'

"Whilst I understand what you are saying here I I have to disagree that the school have reason to be vague."

There are times where it is necessary to be vague whilst further observation is carried out. I wouldn't tell a parent their child was autistic after six weeks for example, I'd want to know them better before having that conversation.

"When I was in the very early stages of my teaching career I had a TA attached to my Y7 form who had a special club at break time for children with social difficulties - the sort of kids who might get into fights or bullied at break and lunch times. It was a lovely idea but she started targeting girls in particular, for want of a better word, who were having perfectly normal settling in struggles - previous close friendships from primary shifting sort of thing - and pretty much forcing them to attend this club, which then did lead to further problems as the girls were being isolated from their friends."

As a teacher you'll know that teaching staff make all decisions about which pupils attend interventions.

Tbh I would be using the meeting as an opportunity to get more information about nurture class and why they feel your son needs it.
It would also be an opportunity to say that you don't feel that your wishes have been taken into account.

However, as a parent of a teenager who is sensitive, and could have done with additional tools to help her navigate social situations, especially those in the school setting, I'd say give everything a go that the school will throw at helping him if they think he could do with a little extra support.

DD has always been a conscientious student, smart, well liked by her teachers, she's polite, she's friendly, helpful but she is quiet, and somewhat shy.
At home, we've worked on helping her find who she is, and have supported her to be her own person and embrace her individuality.

Her individuality has made her more likely to be picked on, there's nothing outlandish about her, but she is a bit different to the other teens in her year....
I wish that we had armed her with better resilience skills. It's hard to teach them when they are what we are trying to use to stop her feeling like rubbish.

Sorry, a bit of a tangent, but please keep an open mind, maybe it'll not be useful for your child, but it may well make a massive difference in 7/8/9 years time

OP has been told what it's for. It was for settling in and managing his emotions. If op doesn't know what that meant she could've asked in that conversation. She's now been invited to a next steps meeting where I'm sure there'll be even more discussion and clarity.

"It would also be an opportunity to say that you don't feel that your wishes have been taken into account."

Heartening to see a school prioritising the needs of a child over the baseless objections of a parent.

@donttellmehesalive it depends on the interventions, but that’s not really the point here. The OP is entitled to know why her child has been withdrawn and she’s entitled to know what this nurture group offers. Sometimes an attempt to help can be misguided or ill thought out and can create a problem rather than solve one.

Nurture groups are fab, my now 16 year old went to one when he was four as he was struggling to settle. Fast forward to his GCSE results and he was 8th highest in the school. Take all help available.

She's been told why he's there. To help him to settle into school and to manage his emotions. What more detail is needed? Maybe the meeting they've scheduled will further enlighten her.

Yes, interventions do not always work. That is why they are reviewed. The school are best placed to assess whether it's working or not.

It's a nice thing to help your child not a punishment.
It's more often for shy children or those looking a little lost.

The one at my old school was for children who were simply very quiet and well behaved thus ikely to be overlooked in an incredibly busy setting with lots of boisterous characters. The same group ran the following year for a group of eal children. It just depends on which children need what at the time

Have a read of the psed early learning goals. It's probably one of those they are helping him work towards.

Would you be angry at an extra reading or maths group?

It may also be that your child is bright but not getting enough one to one time with the adults in the class for various reasons, and they think he would benefit from small group interactions and discussions, with a view to stop him getting bored.

@GryffindorWarrior are you feeling any better about it now you have heard some experiences? I hope you are. I think once you have had the meeting it will all be much clearer and maybe not feel such a bad thing.