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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people wouldn’t like dogs if they could talk

221 replies

DonnaBanana · 22/10/2022 11:24

I am not a dog person. But I know lots of people who are and they commonly say the thing they love about dogs (as compared to children, for example) is how their love is unconditional and they don’t speak or share their opinions with you like people do.

That seemed a bit sad to me. It seems like saying having a dog is mostly good because it can’t talk or share its opinions (and as a sentient animal it surely has some) but if it could, it would become annoying and undesirable.

Would you still have a dog if it spoke its mind?

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WiddlinDiddlin · 24/10/2022 13:58

Not sure they'd be erudite or all that philosophical..

I am undecided on the speaky buttons thing - I think some dogs have got a pretty strong understanding of what each button achieves them. And I suspect others are not much more than 'Clever Hans', being influenced by the owner/handler/trainer to look like they're making sense.

Theres a huge range of mental capacity, problem solving ability etc among dogs though. Just looking at problem solving...

Friends Mini Poo can get what she wants, take it to where she wants it, whether its a chew or a toy or an item she thinks she can 'sell' to her owner for a treat, or a bed to lie on to be comfy.

My saluki can't pick up a toy out of her bed to move it out of her way, she will lie on it and be uncomfy, or lie somewhere else, or stare at it and grump until we fix it for her. (But if the toy were elsewhere and she wanted it in her bed to chew, she could get it and take it to bed...)

I think 'thoughts' are a fleeting thing for her, every few hours one trundles through her brain and is often on its way before she has realised - whereas with friends Poodle... i suspect shes plotting to over-throw the universe at all times!

Some dogs are real thinkers and some are just 'react in the moment'ers, some are much more driven by innate, genetic instinct, and some want guidance from us at every turn and their innate behaviours are very poor and its all because of our meddling and selective breeding. Theres no evolutionary advantage or pressure for dogs to be thinkers or problem solvers or to have good innate caching skills or the ability to think before reacting, because we will (on the whole) protect them.

Right, off to do some doggy headology on some people, since Cesar spit Milan ruined the concept of dog whisperer, I think of myself as a dog-witch these days (a Sir Terry style, headology based, tiny bit of Boffo sort of job, pointy hat implied).

iloveeverykindofcat · 24/10/2022 14:13

@WiddlinDiddlin I remember your gorgeous and ....particular....Saluki from another thread. The intelligence range is true with cats too. I've got one that couldn't figure out how to use a ramp after her ankle surgery and one that literally tricked me into adopting her.

crostina1 · 24/10/2022 17:24

My darling Shih Tzu who we lost last year was incredibly intelligent. I used to work evening shifts and timed how long I’d be out, DD and DH noted he’d go and sit at the front door every night precisely 10 minutes before I was due home. He was very in tune with our emotions and when one of us were tired or stressed he’d come over for a cuddle. He knew what foods he did and didn’t like, the little bugger turned his nose up at the cheap stuff and so we had to start getting the gourmet dog food, that we didn’t behrudge. We all miss him terribly

crostina1 · 24/10/2022 17:27

I’m sure dogs are always making observations about us. I think my Shih Tzu was often thinking “Oh ffs, she’s on that bloody phone again.”

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/10/2022 18:34

@iloveeverykindofcat hehe, yeah once seen never forgotten, my saluki - and those who have heard her ranting grumbling stroppy outbursts are put off the breed for life! :D

Shes currently spark out post walk, post rant at some clients dog videos I was assessin (how absolutely DARE there be a dog inside the humans computer, FUCK OFF computer dog! (Unless it is a sighthound, those she stares at and dribbles a bit..))

It is a really good job she can't talk, she would never shut up and her opinions would flow forth like a gobby Love Island contestant or Big Brother kinda 'WHO IS SHE?' ... it wouldn't be nice and she'd swear like Billy Connolly!

stillvicarinatutu · 24/10/2022 18:36

That dog on tik tok who presses the ouch button , then stranger , then in paw then goes to her owner and she pulls out a thorn....oh my god. ! !!!

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/10/2022 18:37

crostina1 · 24/10/2022 17:27

I’m sure dogs are always making observations about us. I think my Shih Tzu was often thinking “Oh ffs, she’s on that bloody phone again.”

Bang on - thats how dogs work out whats going on around them, whats going to happen next etc.

Visual cues, and we're chucking out visual cues all day long but we don't really notice. Its part of how I fix certain behaviour problems, teach a new visual cue that means 'this is SO SO BORING'... so instead of getting worked up and stressed before anything even happens, the dog is already thinking 'yeah couldn't care less you boring tedious human, I have important sleeping to do!'.

Thereisnolight · 24/10/2022 18:39

Not RTFT so I may be repeating.

But I’m pretty sure Ddog’s conversation would run roughly as follows.

Oh look, something moving…something else moving…what’s that smell? Can I smell your butt? Your butt stinks. You’re so lucky. What’s that moving? Is this edible? It stinks. Mmm, delicious. Wow, that dog’s butt really stinks. I’m going over there. Hey, come back, I’m just…what’s that moving?

I6344 · 24/10/2022 18:39

No because all my dog would constantly say is "can I have chicken? Can we go to the park?" Would drive me bonkers 🤣

Suzi888 · 24/10/2022 19:00

LeMoo · 22/10/2022 11:32

Allow me to enlighten you

www.hungerforwords.com/

OMG!

I would love it!

feindVicarInATutu · 25/10/2022 02:38

After spending farrrrrr too long watching dogs press buttons I'm now wishing I could talk to my dogs .

Those videos cannot all be coincidental! The one that got me was bunny the dog asking her owner what happens when she isn't here 🥲

Alright it
Probably was random button pushing but she did also say her paw hurt and she had a big thorn stuck in there so I'm sort of wondering if that dog was actually having an existential crisis .....

Made me a bit sad . She is so loving .

crostina1 · 25/10/2022 02:44

@feindVicarInATutu.

I think there was something in it with the “when no bunny?” question. Maybe not necessarily what the owner assumed, that she was asking when she was going to die but I’m sure Bunny had it in mind what she wanted to say and wasn’t random button pressing. Everything that dog presses seems to have meaning. The videos with her ‘brother’ are hilarious where she’s disgusted at him farting!

www.instagram.com/reel/Cc0Nc1ElyHM/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I love the idea and it’s fascinating to watch but I’m not sure I could do it with my own dog. Realistically a large dog would only live 10/11 years and imagine seeing them express paim/discomfort to do with aging through the buttons, or witnessing an obvious decline in their communication 😥

feindVicarInATutu · 25/10/2022 02:49

My big bear is 9 now and I'd actually really want to know if he was hurting. He's like a puppy on walks and at play so it would've amazing to know what he wants.

SkiingIsHeaven · 25/10/2022 02:50

I wish my dog could have told me that he wasn't well, in time for us to do something about it and save his life. Really miss him.

crostina1 · 25/10/2022 02:57

Yes that’s true actually. It’s selfish of me to not want to hear my dog expressing pain through communication just because I’d find it too upsetting to hear. Very good poont.

I just meant that it’s already heartbreaking enough watching your dog age and I imagine if you’ve communicated with your dog through these buttons then the bond is a whole other level, so the pain of them getting ill/losing them is a whole other level. All of that investment in the buttons, learning to communicate with each other and understanding each other only for your dog to live a few years. You can see how much Bunny’s owner adores her.

feindVicarInATutu · 25/10/2022 03:01

Really now I think about it my big bear does communicate his needs very clearly.

He is double coated so likes to be cool . He always knocks at the patio door to say when he needs to cool down or go out - and if I'm in bed and he needs to go out he comes up and wakes me - it's always for a reason . I think he could have been good with the buttons . When we are going out he knows - he gets all bouncy like a puppy ! Before I've even picked up a lead !
My little
Man not so sure - typical terrier ! I'm sure he would just say chase it mum !

feindVicarInATutu · 25/10/2022 03:04

What I love watching these dogs with the buttons is they are so basic - it's love , cuddles , treats , walks and play they want .
Reassuring really - I think my boys get what they would ask for . ❤️❤️

feindVicarInATutu · 25/10/2022 03:10

And I do get
Your point - but the way my big bear looks at me sometimes- it's pure love . We've been through a lot of moves and upheaval- he is my protector and my love and he takes that quite seriously! Sometimes he just comes and climbs onto the sofa and snuggles his big old face right into my neck and stays there for ages - it's like a huge hug . And he sometimes just
Comes up and puts his paw on my knee - and stares at me . I don't think even if he could talk he would be saying anything other than "love you " and "cuddle" .

BroomHandledMouser · 25/10/2022 06:16

I’d love it if my Frank could talk ❤️

We’d have conversations about all sorts I reckon. Especially those lights that the moving objects have on at night. Blows his mind it does.

DH and I narrate his thoughts when we’re on a walk, and I’m pretty sure we nail it every time 🤣

FoxyLadyBoutique · 25/10/2022 08:35

Hey!

To think people wouldn’t like dogs if they could talk
Handyweatherstation · 25/10/2022 08:52

Does anyone else remember 'Dogs in Elk'? This woman in the US went to pick up some elk meat for her dogs and made the mistake of taking the dogs with her. When they got there, the dogs escaped from the vehicle and got into an elk carcass and refused to come out. It's a great story.

FourForYouGlenCocoYouGoGlenCoco · 25/10/2022 08:53

iloveeverykindofcat · 24/10/2022 14:13

@WiddlinDiddlin I remember your gorgeous and ....particular....Saluki from another thread. The intelligence range is true with cats too. I've got one that couldn't figure out how to use a ramp after her ankle surgery and one that literally tricked me into adopting her.

Hahaha how did your cat trick you into adopting her? @iloveeverykindofcat.Also I love your username! ❤️

Stars71 · 25/10/2022 08:54

KimberleyClark · 24/10/2022 10:12

My last dog if she could talk would be sitting at the window shouting at passers by to fuck off.

😅

iloveeverykindofcat · 25/10/2022 08:58

@FourForYouGlenCocoYouGoGlenCoco Thanks, its from an ancient meme video. Basically I needed a sweet cat to go with my timid girl. In the shelter she pretended to be the sweetest, meekest, most timid darling of a cat who would never be the slightest bit of trouble to anyone. Lies. As soon as I got her home she jumped out of the carrier with a clear air of 'LOL jokes' and started stomping around like a conquering lion, practically bulldozing her terrified new sister (they are now very close). Her body language did a complete 180. She is less a pet than a sort of domineering housemate that I voluntarily bankroll for some reason. I also gave her a completely innappropriate name, which means sweetie/darling in Arabic, and had to immediately shorten it.

Damnloginpopup · 25/10/2022 08:59

wb3 · 22/10/2022 12:35

If cats could talk, everybody would hate them.

They do but they are too smart to admit it.

Put a recording device down, leave the room and the very least you'll hear if the cat is there is 'Twat!'.

Now dogs, on the other hand, if they were smart enough to talk, wouldn't stop babbling like a bloody toddler. For 10-15 years. They have evolved to shut the fuck up so as to get free bed and board.