To think people wouldn’t like dogs if they could talk

[DonnaBanana]

I am not a dog person. But I know lots of people who are and they commonly say the thing they love about dogs (as compared to children, for example) is how their love is unconditional and they don’t speak or share their opinions with you like people do.

That seemed a bit sad to me. It seems like saying having a dog is mostly good because it can’t talk or share its opinions (and as a sentient animal it surely has some) but if it could, it would become annoying and undesirable.

Would you still have a dog if it spoke its mind?

I would love it if my dogs could talk.

One tries already. He is very very vocal and makes all different sounds trying, it seems, to make me and DH understand him.

Sometimes it's easy, like when he goes to the cupboard his food is in to ask for his breakfast or tea. He is fed at set times and about 5 minutes before almost every day he lets us know it is food time.

My other dog probably wouldn't bother speaking much to be honest.

So idiotic they can be housetrained in days whereas a child can take a couple of years before they are out of nappies.

They don't swear, they don't take drugs, they are usually cuter than children and far far far far far far less hassle.

I know so many people who say they regret having children and yet no one I know has said they regret getting a dog

I've never heard anyone say they love their dog because it can't speak or share an opinion. That's so weird. My dog is a master at communicating her thoughts and wants - no language necessary, but I'd love it if she could understand me, then I could explain why she needs her booster/meds, how long I'll be out for, why I'm clipping her nails.

Your post did make me think of this cartoon though 😅

😂bloody brilliant!!

Well many thanks for humouring me I have learnt a lot on this thread even if I won’t be getting a dog any time soon talking or not!!

I wonder if most dog lovers grew up as children with a dog and the dog haters didn't. I know a few people who don't get dogs as they've never had contact with them. My DIL was a firm cat lover but my dogs have won her over.

I grew up not being allowed any animals for various different animals - I wasn't even allowed a goldfish

I now work with animals (primarily dogs, but others to), have four pets of my own and ride horses for a living, lol.

This is batshit

I had a look at some videos of Bunny. He was very endearing. I'm not fully convinced he always knew what buttons he was pressing; he seemed to swipe at them quite randomly sometimes.

@thelobsterquadrille you're the exception that proves the rule!

To be fair, my parents never disliked animals, it's just our lifestyle wasn't really set up for pet ownership due to my mum's allergies and my parents' working hours, so it wouldn't have been fair on the pets.

Neither of them are surprised that I work with animals for a living though!

dogs are really hated on here. Pretty sure every other day, there's a thread about them. So bizarre.

I find it bizarre too. I don't even bother reading threads about things I'm not interested in, and yet the dog haters feel the need to share their hate at every opportunity.

My dogs 'talk' to me all the time and my job relies on my ability to 'hear' other peoples dogs talking to them and me.

Sadly I firmly believe far fewer people would own dogs if they really understood how their dogs were feeling and what they were thinking - the dogs that are in pain, who are fearful, anxious, or who live to kill stuff... I don't think people would like it at all.

Some people have some very stupid ideas about what dogs are capable of though!

Some examples - my friends dog is super smart...

She's great at spatial awareness and problem solving - I've seen her realise an object wont permit her to jump through a gap if its in her mouth, put the object down, hop through the gap, lean back through and pick the object up and wiggle it through in a position where thats now possible...

And she will make herself comfy... if her person is in the bath, and she wants to be in the room, but theres a hard floor in there - she'll go get her dog bed, bring it through to the bathroom and lie on it.

Not all dogs are capable of that - none of mine are - but mine tells me when my blood sugar is too high or low, he also offers DPT when I have muscle spasms, which isn't something I've trained for.

Another of mine, now very elderly, can plot a route to get to the object he wants, even where the route in question takes him AWAY from the object, putting his goal out of sight initially - this is something lots of animals struggle with and honestly a lot of humans would when young.

Another friends dog will use tools - she will grab a chair and drag it across a room to stand on it to get on the work top to steal food!

Some of my past dogs have learned abstract concepts like biggest, smallest, middle, up/down/centre, left of/right of etc.

One went so far as to be able to do this with not just identical objects or the training set up, but do it in the real world, anywhere, and with non-identical objects. So he could bring you the biggest of the three objects, if one was a tin of beans, one a tennis ball and one a teaspoon. Most dogs who figure out abstracts need to work with identical stuff so three tins or three balls etc, and will struggle outside of a training environment.

Last night I watched my generally 'not that bright' hound get up from one dog bed, look at our saluki in the comfiest bed, and start to flirt with her, telling her he'd like to play. When he flirts he is ridic, its all waggy tails and tiny little dancing steps which on a hefty hairy hound looks comical... and Miss Saluki finds it irresistable...

So she got up to play, he play bowed at her, did one lap and straight into the spot she'd vacated which is what he wanted all along, leaving her confused and bamboozled (and in need of a cuddle, which she got from me, bless her dimwitted heart(.

@WiddlinDiddlin that's interesting , what is your job? If you don't mind writing it here that is. The corgi I mentioned upthread knows about classes of objects. Like he knows all balls are 'ball', and then within that he knows big ball, small ball, yellow squeaky ball, etc. Though I doubt he understands 'yellow squeaky' as a concept. Probably he just knows those sounds denote that ball as opposed to the other bals.

Dog behaviour consultant - I also do a bit of freelance writing about dogs, illustrate things, all the doggy stuff!

I am semi-retired now as I can no longer visit peoples homes (no ones got a wheelchair friendly home!), but I used to do home visits, and its really interesting seeing what the dog tells you... vs what the people tell you (and most of the problems are typically, a misunderstanding between dog and human).

Dogs communicate naturally, via body language - the vocal stuff is something they do for our benefit, basically because we're thick as mince when it comes to body language!

Unfortunately for dogs, we tend to take some of their louder communications not as the communication they're intended to be.. but as a personal insult.

So when someone has missed their dog freezing, eye whites showing, flicking their gaze away or looking away, tension in the dogs face, lip licking, fiddling about or displacement sniffing... (all things another dog would have seen in seconds!) - they're shocked when their dog snaps loudly or growls, that has come out of the blue for them 'he snapped out of nowhere'... 'without warning he turned on me!'...

And theres very much an instinctive 'HOW DARE YOU' response from the human... and you can see how that spirals out of control very quickly when the dog means 'please give me space, I am asking as clearly as I am capable of' and the human advances, with stiff body language, staring eyes, pointy finger, loud voice, usually trapping the dog on the or in a corner... (all things dogs would find very threatening and confrontational and tbh, so would we so we've no excuses there!)...

You can see how that goes dramatically and horribly wrong in the end!

Its about looking at things holistically too - context is so important, look at everything not just the problem behaviour.
Often theres something else going on the owner hasn't spotted and that can be for perfectly good reasons - if you get a rescue dog, or even a puppy, with a problem you're unaware of, and so whats 'normal' for them is in fact abnormal... how are you to tell?

Problem behaviours or unwanted behaviours... are a symptom of something else, and very often the dog will tell us if we know how to listen - and if we have the time to observe. I love it, I could nerd on about it forever! :D

This is quite interesting because there’s some dogs on Instagram that communicate with their owners through buttons and they can have some pretty complex conversations with their owners. At first it looks like maybe a coincidence but after watching dozens of videos of the dog communicating coherently with it’s owner you can see it is genuinely understanding what it is saying.

One of them lets her owner know when she is unhappy quite clearly. She also asks philosophical questions. You can see there’s a lot going on in there. I must admit, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with my dog talking to me in this way and it makes me feel like a bad pet owner.

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@queenMab99 my dog must be leading a double life!

His love definitely isn’t unconditional, if anything, I think he finds me a bit irritating. He’s obsessed with my husband though, so I don’t think I’d prefer it if he could talk. Hearing how the sun shines out of DH’s backside all day would do my head in.

@WiddlinDiddlin That's fascinating. You're like the good version of Cesar Millan! We've got one emotionally complex, over-intelligent, over sensitive dog here, and one happy-go-lucky, take-life-as-it-comes, always cheerful lady. The cheerful lady is the rescue, ironically. She was a puppy farm breeding bitch. 3 litters and 2 c-sections before she was 3 years old.

They don’t tend to have long, political discussions, for sure! But mine conveys her wants and needs very effectively and also seems to be drawn to people that are feeling a little sad to show them some affection (they have told me after, that her approach has really cheered them up, because they’re having a bad day or time).
She also copies our speech, so if we ask her if she wants to go for a walk, have a treat, she will often vocalise “Ya” accompanied with general excitement and tail wags - this is the only time she makes that noise!
I would love it if she could talk - but she doesn’t need to as she is so good at expressing herself anyway!

@WiddlinDiddlin thank you for that, it was fascinating to read. Your job sounds fascinating too and I'd love hearing you 'nerd on about it'!

The main dog of my life came to us when me and OH were working abroad and OH turned up one evening with a street puppy he'd picked up. The dog would have been about four months old and clearly hadn't been on the street long as he'd had some insect bites treated and seemed desperate to find a new family. Because he was a street pup and unknown in almost every way, we observed him very closely to try and get to know him and see what issues he had. It became a habit and we carried on observing him closely for the rest of his life. He was a very interesting 'case', quick to learn and an expert in ingratiating himself with people he liked or wanted something from, such as pub waitresses who might have a sausage to spare. He knew he was cute and played it shamelessly for all it was worth, using his whole body to get his message across.

He understood people's feelings too and knew when to console. I once saw him work the room at a wake, going quietly from group to group as if he was some sort of vicar, just standing there to see if they needed comfort, being petted by some and moving on if they were okay. That was strange to see.

One of the most interesting things was watching him learn from his mistakes and make decisions. Mistakes, such as one time inadvertently knocking over a child in his enthusiasm to greet, were only made once. Decisions were often made on walks and I saw him stop and look carefully at a split in a path which then rejoined to become one again. Which to take? He was clearly weighing up which was the better route. We saw this sort of behaviour often.

Another thing I loved about that dog was his curiosity. He wanted to sniff the spices when I cooked oriental food and he sniffed the flowers in the garden.

And he was so quiet with us, rarely using his voice, and communicating with his body, huffs, sniffs and sighs. By the end of his life we'd learned every twitch and sigh and he'd learned ours. It was wonderful. Damn, but I still miss that dog.

I don't think you'd ever be able to unhear "wow, that steaming fox turd was delicious. I hope I find another one" if they could talk. Best not, on balance.

Nope! I definitely wouldn't if they spoke like the people who make stupid cutesy videos of them imagine they speak. I could not share my space with anyone who said

"Henlo Hooman Frenz, Gibs Me Chimkin And Snoot Boops."

Even writing that gave me rage.

If they just spoke, that would also be awful. I think pets not being able to speak and being very obviously not human is part of the reason we feel attached to them and care for them. I imagine getting an older rescue dog would be a like getting a lodger and getting a puppy, would more be like fostering or adopting a baby. Which would lead to a lot of people not wanting older rescues dogs because of potential personality clashes in this vocal being you're expected to feed, walk and pick up the shit of.

My last dog if she could talk would be sitting at the window shouting at passers by to fuck off.

"Should I be selfish and eat it? Or be generous to the rest of my pack and roll in it so i can take it home for them to enjoy for the next two days?"

MIL will be visiting later. Before she arrives, i really really want to forget i read this