Pull out of friends wedding 4 weeks before

[Annabananna1]

AIBU to pull out of attending my friends wedding, having rsvp'd yes several months ago?

We've only been friends for about 18 months. Really sweet of her to invite DH and I to her wedding. It is about an hour away, on a Wednesday so both of us have booked annual leave. We are also paying for babysitting (£100+).

In the last few 3 or 4 months I've barely spent any time with her. We don't socialise with them as a couple at all. Yesterday she cancelled plans with me for the second time this month. She has a habit of cancelling on me at the last moment it's been an ongoing theme.

I don't want to go to the wedding anymore. But I don't know if it's too late at this point to back out?

Honestly I'd be more than happy to spend AL day, babysitting money, gift money for a close friend but this just feels silly

I think you’ll lose the friendship if you do so it really depends if that’s ok with you

This.
Do you value the friendship at all?

Sure if you don’t want to be friends with her anymore

do it now, today though as she may have to confirm catering numbers 4 weeks in advance

It's not too late and she's incredibly flaky

It will certainly seem a bit 'tit for tat' if you pull out of the wedding immediately after she has cancelled plans but I'd have never agreed to go in the first place.

Midweek / overnight / child free is reserved for only the most important of people. I don't have the money or resources to attend weddings of people I don't consider to be very close friends (or family)

Friendships go both ways, if she isn't putting the work in then go your separate ways.

YABU. It’s way too late.

She's busy with wedding planning and maybe a bit flakey.

Cancelling will seem pointed and churlish. If you want to put the final nail in the coffin, do. If not, don't.

Agree only do it if you're happy to wave by the the friendship. You've seen each other a few times over the last few months so it's not like she's been semi no contact. What we're the reasons for cancelling?

Maybe she’s cancelled plans twice this month because she’s busy with wedding stuff, or having to work more, or she can’t afford to do other stuff due to wedding costs 🤷‍♀️.

I think it’s a bit shitty to pull out 4 weeks before, when she’s probably paid for your meal etc.

How do you know her?

maybe she is busy with wedding things. I think, if you’ve already organised everything, just go and enjoy yourself!

Time for a bout of convenient covid! Prince Andrew style.

yanbu, 4 weeks is plenty of notice. No one is that busy wedding planning to cancel 2x in a month so far.

Cancelling on plans 4 weeks before your wedding I can kind of understand because that period is pretty hectic, super expensive and stressful but it sounds like shes prone to that. I personally would stick with her because I know I do that from time to time when my anxiety is really bad and I commit to things I genuinely want to do but when they come round I don't have the emotional bandwidth for it even though its something I've been looking forward to. So it could be that she's getting very anxious in the run up to the wedding and making sure all is OK. I'd go to the wedding and see if she makes more effort after it. If she doesn't then let it go.

Well sounds like the friend isn't much interested in the friendship anyway.

Could you go in your own so you don’t need to pay for a babysitter and stay for the minimum time you can? It would be a shame if the friendship ended because shes been busy planning her wedding.
I don’t think it matters that you don’t socialise as couples, it’s nice to have your own friends.
If the friendship doesn’t pick up after the wedding at least you did the decent thing.

Honestly this is what weddings are. I’ve spent about 100 on a hen recently, we will have the full wedding plus a voucher as a gift (£40 for home sense as they’ve just moved house, plus a bottle of Prosecco, probably considered a shite gift on here but it’s a lot for us to spend! I’ll hand make a lovely unique card too which costs in materials etc.) we don’t even see this couple regularly, my partner has only met them twice! It’s a friend from uni who I have vaguely kept in touch with and who as a group we have all attended various life events together and it just seems now that the ‘group’ is always invited. But I’m closer to some in the group than others however it’s always the same group who seem to
circulate at events. It’s just awkward to break out of it when you’ve been invited and made the list as it’s often hard to narrow down a wedding list so it’s lovely of them really.

the only cost saving things I can recommend whilst you’re in wedding season is:

take hip flasks of spirits. Probably looked Down on massively but country house hotel bars are expensive AF
don’t buy new outfits. Circulate two or three dresses, shoes and bags or borrow from a friend
lift share or taxi share where possible

If you don't want to go, don't go

It doesn't sound like the greatest of friendships anyway. It will probably signal the end but do you really care?!

Please don't do that. Really shabby and allows them no time to invite someone else in your place

Seems mean. Maybe with four weeks to go something more pressing came up. If you don't value her friendship enough to attend , cancel.

This.

Work friend has had to confirm numbers 6 weeks before her Wedding next month, I’m guessing because so many people are dropping out of things last minute these days due to covid, & B&G’s are quibbling costs, that venues are losing out when they still have to pay suppliers.

Tell her your annual leave was denied. 4 weeks is plenty of notice. Send a card.

I'd pull out tbh. If you can put the leave and the money to something better than go for it.

Disclaimer: I have personal gripes with people who expect you to prioritize their wedding but have no regard for you or your time.

4 weeks is not enough notice. I had to confirm numbers 8 weeks before.

Pulling out now is a really shitty thing to do.