I wonder what the actual split is of men who help and men who don't? VOTE

[mavismorpoth]

IABU - My husband does nothing around the house or is incompetent about it or leaves most of it to me.

IANBU - My husband is my equal housekeeper and cook etc. and equally shares chores.

Thought it would be very interesting to see a snapshot of the situation. So many threads about this! A few saying 'we are equals' but I doubt they are that common so thought, a poll.

You need a third option where DH does more than 50%?

It’s not ‘helping’, it’s sharing the load.

We each do our bit, and I’m certainly not the household maid/skivvy/doer-of-shitty-jobs.

I was initially going to refuse go vote, because it's not called helping in our house, it's called doing your fair share.

But this is the whole problem, isn't it?! It shouldn't be seen as helping, because it's not a woman's job. It's an adult's job.

Same, I wouldn't stick around a useless and pathetic man. It would make me as bad as him.

Crap, of course. I'm biased, I'm a housewife. I do everything. You get what I mean though, just looking for a general idea.

Have you noticed that men's homes, on the whole, tend to be either minimalist, dirty, or both?

I have. All the guys I knew in uni, no housekeeping skills. All the guys I met through the years, no housekeeping skills.

Why? The housewife model is not as common as it was, in fact is it rare now? Where are they getting this from? Why are they inept at caring for a home when necessary?

Why do you do everything @mavismorpoth? You should each have equal amounts of free time

Out of all the people I know, I only know two equal couples.
I'm a lone parent so I can't vote.

My DH does more than his fair share, I've had to learn not to take advantage! But he is very unusual. Always amazes me what most men get away with.

Please can we stop saying help.

You know what men hear when we say "help"?

They hear us telling them it's our job and we're asking them for a favour.

My own home is quite minimalist to be fair. I do quite like the Patrick Bateman asthetic. Mainly because I hate clutter and housework. And I am female.

And a 4th option where he does some but it isn’t as much as 50% but that’s fine because it’s for legitimate reasons and/or it works for us as a couple/family.

FWIW, mine does close to 50% but over the years has done less and that was fine too at the time (he worked more hours and worked away, so made sense for more of the domestic load to fall on me).

I wish women would stop referring to it as helping!!
Helping implies it's women's job to do it and they can get help.

STOP IT

I help my husband with the housework.

Actually we do 50:50. Absolutely.
I would leave him if I didn't think it was equal.

Both cook. He does all washing. I do lawn mowing and hoovering. I do bathroom. He does sweeping and mopping and on...

I do more, but DH does mental load plus the stuff I hate - so probably closer to 50% than 20%. So I guess YANBU.

Also how do you vote if you are on the app? I don't suppose you can

To answer the question, my husband and elder son now do about 90% of all things domestic between them. My younger son does the rest and I do all the non physical elements such as online shopping, paying bills, organising appts, balancing the books, etc.

I’m sure you used to be able to view results of a poll without voting, or am I misremembering?

Anyway, I’m a single parent, but my ex definitely did NOT do his fair share. I think a lot of men are far too comfortable to let their partners do everything. It’s pretty shitty when you think about it.

This is why I plan to stay single. Other than the fact I’m not lonely, I’m not wanting to pick up after another adult ever again.

I winced at "help" as well.

This is impossible to answer because "equally sharing chores" is only a sensible thing to do if you equally share everything else. If one of you is a SAHP/works part time, then they should probably be doing more of the chores (unless they have a child with complex SEN, for example, which might be expected to take up a huge amount of time). Plus, if you have older children they might be reasonably expected to do some chores as well

You would be better phrasing it as "does your DH/DP do his fair share of chores" ?

Have you noticed that men's homes, on the whole, tend to be either minimalist, dirty, or both?

A good lesson to be teaching young women (or all women!) If you begin dating a man and, when he takes you home to his house, it’s unclean or he doesn’t show any pride in his surroundings then he is not suddenly going to change this attitude towards cleanliness and chores when he lives with you.

Why some women end up in long term relationships with lazy men when all the obvious warning signs were there at the start I’ve no idea.

We split everything. No one has a specific job as such, it's just whoever happens to do things. The only time this changes is if one of us is working more hours, so the other picks up the slack. This works both ways.

We do roughly 50:50 of most things but he definitely carries the mental load. I have ADHD and struggle with it so he has gradually taken over most things.

I think the OP has got the point re “help” now.

Not everyone's experience will fall into your binary vote.

Not sure what you'll achieve from that.

The discussion is interesting though.

My DH does plenty, not half. And a few things he just doesn't 'see' needs doing but he's happy to be directed. I'm less happy to direct though as it reinforces the fact I'm overseer of chores.

Even better would be encouraging women to stear clear of men who are still living with their parents when they could afford to live alone.

You're really generalising here OP. This is definitely not my experience of men and not fair on men.
My DH does more than me around the house and does all the cooking.
In fact in most relationships I know, the man cooks and does just as much housework, if not more. It's not the 1950s any more!
I wonder if it depends on generation and where you are geographically. For example, I'm in the south west and in my 40s. I can imagine that for many older couples, the workload may not be as evenly split..?
Oh and it is not "helping"!!!