I wonder what the actual split is of men who help and men who don't? VOTE

[mavismorpoth]

IABU - My husband does nothing around the house or is incompetent about it or leaves most of it to me.

IANBU - My husband is my equal housekeeper and cook etc. and equally shares chores.

Thought it would be very interesting to see a snapshot of the situation. So many threads about this! A few saying 'we are equals' but I doubt they are that common so thought, a poll.

I do almost everything but I work half the hours he does so that seems fair.

It's not helping. It's doing your share.

I can't vote because we're not 50/50 because of our circumstances - but we have similar amounts of free time, no issues with our own personal spending and the kids see us both doing parenting and stuff round the house.

We play to our strengths in this house. If we literally split each chore 50/50 then we’d have some pretty shoddy halves of each. So we each do the ones we don’t mind doing and are better at. This means I haven’t washed dishes, folded clean laundry, or collected a billion mulchy rotting pears from the back garden every day in autumn in almost three years, so I’m pretty happy.

I have more free time than he does.

Sorry to be picky OP but we also all have different ideas on what constitutes an equal share.

Taking the bins out and mowing the lawn is not 'helping' or an equal share, they are once a week jobs. Neither is 'my DH will put a wash on'. It only really works when your partner is proactively thinking about doing jobs.

So I'm not voting, frankly some of 'jobs' I do wouldn't even cross my DPs mind eg cleaning the filter on the dishwasher.

Yes that's wise. He does all his own ironing, I don't iron. He's a great parent but I clean the house daily and cook everything but I love cooking and I like listening to podcasts as I clean. I've also grown to get satisfaction from it, which is new. I have a friend who actually enjoys cleaning and now so do I.

Women will never have equality as long as they keep using the word HELPING to describe men parenting their own children and maintaining their own homes.
You see it on here all the time, it's infuriating.

Dp does more than me, his home before we bought one together was immaculate. He does most of the management of his children, cooks most meals, and is generally a very tidy person.
I do a top to bottom clean on a Sunday, he does the rest during the week inc taking my old dog out, which I know he doesn't particularly want to do.

You're right, and I will stop doing that. It is important to not convey that to people in general.

I've known a few men who were immaculately tidy, one was my dad, one was my ex. Aside from that most men I've known are filthy or have few possessions in their home so no mess to make.

My husband “helps” with housework and childcare and in return I “help” with the family finances by bringing in the same salary as he does 😂

My ex was useless so I’ve happily voted YABU!

I agree it’s not a binary situation- a full share or nothing. There are lots of shades in between.

When I married him I thought I had plenty of evidence he’d do more than his share with kids and home - boy was I wrong!

Very true! I'll add this to things I want to tell my daughter about finding a mate. I'm so focused on ensuring she has self-worth and doesn't sell herself short like I used to.

DH does more than 50%. In a bit that's rare he handles everything with school, is on the school PTA and Board (we are in the US), and does everything from Halloween costumes to birthday gifts for parties. He's also unusual in that he's the only man I know in my social circles (academics, doctors, professionals), who has made career choices to enable MY career even though he's a much higher earner. He doesn't judge my career by how much I earn (I'm an academic and he's a doctor), and that is not how we divide up housework as well (aka I work shorter hours but my extra hours at home are given to our 3 kids).

I think the 'equal' model that is more common is where both husband and wife work, but the wife works less and earns less and does more housework and certainly carries the mental load. I work shorter hours and earn less but I don't do more housework, and I don't carry the mental load. And if I leave my husband with the kids I don't need to hand him a cheat sheet.

Agree with all the comments above about it not being ‘help’. It is just what an adult does.

Also agree you would need more options really. I think my DH does a bit more than me because of circumstance, timing and level of caring. I voted YANBU though, as it is the closest option.

I agree with @Chrisinthemorning.
My DH does more than half.

I think his mum and dad are clean freaks. He's adopted that, his brother not so much. He's the same with his grooming, he even shaves the micro hair on his ears fgs.😂

Eg ex was a fantastic uncle prior to kids, made lots of time to prioritise them on family get togethers etc. Different story when we had kids - everything was too tiring and very clear he saw it all as my job, and he could dip in as he chose (of course ruling the roost at the times he did fancy dipping in).

He was always the one pre kids who wanted to spend out time doing housework, whilst I was less bothered. When kids came always, all my job again, despite the fact we were both working at very similar jobs.

Your vote also isn't fair because you haven't allowed for any working out of the home. If a couple has decided between themselves that one will bring the money, and one will do the housework, it's not really fair to include that in the 'he doesn't help'.
Would you like it if a bloke started a thread 'how many wives contribute to finances.'

What antiquated language and views. My single male friends homes, two young, one old are all neat and tidy . My daughters male friends homes are as tidy as their female counterparts. It’s not helping as it’s not my job, it is noth our home, we both work so we contribute equally noth financially and in terms of housework and when our child was younger he had more of the child care than me.

god I hate these 1950s stereotypes and language. Utterly makes my skin crawl.

My husband doesn't "help" he just does stuff (or doesn't do stuff).

It doesn't really matter who does more of the household tasks as it's completely subjective based on other factors.

If both work, both do equal childcare then both should really do equal housework.

At the opposite end, if the husband works full-time and either the kids are at school or left home, then it isn't unreasonable to expect the partner to do more of the housework (I use a man doing the full-time job in this example as I had to pick one and not because I think that's his/her job!)

My DH doesn't 'help' - we are both adults in the house with equal responsibility to keep it livable and prevent dysentery. Neither of us love housework, but we do the minimum to ensure tidiness and hygiene. I can't be bothered with elevating housework beyond the minimal chores required (eg the Mumsnet massive who change bedsheets daily and faint at an unwashed towel). With our joint slapdash approach the two of us muddle by.

I think you should be asking how many men do as much as the woman in the relationship. I’m pretty much sure everybody has a husband that helps but very very few have one that does the same or more.

I've known a few men who were immaculately tidy, one was my dad, one was my ex. Aside from that most men I've known are filthy or have few possessions in their home so no mess to make

good god what a miserable social circle you have.