I wonder what the actual split is of men who help and men who don't? VOTE

[mavismorpoth]

IABU - My husband does nothing around the house or is incompetent about it or leaves most of it to me.

IANBU - My husband is my equal housekeeper and cook etc. and equally shares chores.

Thought it would be very interesting to see a snapshot of the situation. So many threads about this! A few saying 'we are equals' but I doubt they are that common so thought, a poll.

Although tbf if you're a housewife maybe (some of it at least) is "helping".

DH helps me with my (paid) work sometimes

So many sweeping generalisations from the OP which appear to come from the 1950s:
As everyone has said, it's not "helping".
Who calls themselves a "housewife" with a straight face? It's fine if someone chooses not to do paid work in order to concentrate on the domestic, but one cannot "marry" the house. Talk about perpetuating the stereotype!
Not all men are messy, just as not all women are obsessed with housework and cleaning. I'm female and I would say that my husband notices muck more than I do and (if our cleaner is away) he will make a much better job of, say, cleaning the bathroom than I ever would or could.
It's 2022 - please let's stop with the sexist nonsense!

Amen

There's a lot of actual research and statistics collected about this issue. Not sure how useful this poll is.

Stats show that majority of men do something, but it's significantly less than their female spouse, and moreover men over estimate what they actually do by quite a lot so their own responses aren't that reliable.

Same sex couples have a far more equal distribution of unpaid labour.

We are in the middle of your YABU and YANBU. My DH does some stuff but not nearly enough and his standards are much lower than mine. He does work much longer hours than me though, but he should still be doing more.

He was recently in charge of our DC's lunch box for a bit and managed completely to miss the school guidelines on healthy eating, despite me emailing them to him. I enjoyed hearing about the telling off the teacher gave him for putting Pom Bears and chocolate brioche in there 😁. At least he'd clocked the 'no nuts' policy! I secretly enjoy it when any shoddiness on his part comes back to bite him on the arse.

I also can't find the voting buttons. But as @procrastinatingleg states, we do 50/50 but it's shared differently. He works longer hours, earns more, and has a longer commute. All money is equally shared. I earn less, work less hours, and have a shorter commute, and as such, I do most of the cooking, and nearly all school drop offs and pick ups. We share cleaning up the kitchen every night. He unloads the dishwasher before he leaves. I do the laundry. Everyone, DD included, does their own ironing. We all pitch in and clean the house on the weekend. We work out finances together, but he does most of the financial "work" as in bank transfers etc. I do all filing and paperwork etc. Neither of them (DH and DD) consider it to be "helping". DH cooks often at weekends. Groceries are done either together or separately, depending on what everyone's plans are. DH mows the lawn, I do the "gardening". We've never sat down and worked out who would do what - the general rule is that if you know something needs to be done, you should just get on and do it. That only works when everyone in the household is similarly motivated, though!

My DH doesn't help.

He actively contributes as an adult and equal partner.

My husband shares 50%. Wouldn't have it any other way. Don't be a mug and let this happen. I know lots of women who quite frankly just don't demand their oh does their share or don't let them.

Have you noticed that men's homes, on the whole, tend to be either minimalist, dirty, or both?

Ooh no, you should come to mine and DH's house. (Both men, gay couple.) Neither dirty nor minimalist. It's as if Charles and Ray Eames exploded in there. But elegantly.

Surely it depends on the circs. DH probably does more than half currently as he works from home in a job that isn’t overly challenging or stressful. Other periods in our life he’s had a massive commute, worked more than one job etc so I’ve done most of the things that need doing at home. We are a team always but doing half the housework each is a bit arbitrary to my mind. The very few men I’ve known that don’t appear to do much around the house are either incredibly busy earning stacks of money/building or running a very demanding business/working away a lot or they are just lazy entitled men whose partners I feel are taken for fools but seem to enjoy mothering their manchild. Most men I know share the load but that looks different in each family.

I don’t help my husband and he doesn’t help me, as we’re both responsible for our home, the children and our pets, they aren’t just the responsibility of one person.

He does more than me at the moment childcare wise as hes on adoption leave, household stuff is fairly 50/50, although we do have a cleaner.

My husband does 50% minimum. He often does more

My partner cooks sometimes, and does some tidying/washing/cleaning etc...but he also works full time and I'm a SAHM.

Neither of those apply for me. My dh p

Nope, sorry not my experience at all. When younger I knew men with immaculate homes and women with messy homes and vice versa. I married a man with an immaculate home which is good because I was one of the messy women, we balance each other out and it is definitely 50/50 on housework (we both work full time in similar jobs)

I voted YANBU, but it's somewhere in between tbh. I think he does a fair amount though considering our relative working hours, strengths and the amount of 'free' time we both get.

Posted too soon. My dh doesn't do 50% so it's not equal but we probably have a 40/60 split (me being the 60). Would I like 50/50? Yes, but I'm not going stress myself out by fighting it out for the extra 10%.

I've lived with two male partners.

One was much more houseproud than me, so I let him get on with it. The relationship didn't last.

Kept separate households with now DH for nearly a decade, to be sure he was competent. He did bursts of really good cleaning, whereas I am more little snd often.

The deal for moving in together was that we had a cleaner, who is brilliant and does well over and above, including fixing things like broken toilet seats and replacing spent lightbulbs.

I think she is my reward because DH has significantly impaired mobility as a side effect of surgery for cancel a while back. Struggling to walk I no longer expect him to do much more than cups & plates back in the dishwasher and his own washing. Bed clothes and ironing now outsourced.

I was adamant that it would be equal but here we are and I honestly can't complain about the path. I'm much happier with him than with original brilliant housekeep but no fun day to day. DH still makes my laugh out loud and has been there for me emotionally and even financially at times so in average, all good.

But if a long answer to your poll , which needs at least another option to cover 'does fair share but less than 50%

Looks like only 21% of men are NOT doing an equal share.

Probably 21% of women on here are SAHM or work part time, in which case of course they should do more domestically.

So the stats are saying we have equality in this respect, but the comments disagree?!

It's interesting to note that you can start off with two equal adults sharing the household load when you move in together or marry and have babies (... go off on Mat leave).. then end up in a situation where one partner (usually the man but not exclusively) stops doing his equal share

Because the "share" needs to increase for both as there's more to do and organise- but the lazy partner leaves the extra or majority of the extra to default to the SAHP or the PT worker even WHEN THEY ARE HOME or could be available (but decide instead to keep going to gym / cycling for hours each evening or go out with their friends. )

I can't vote on my app but it's what I (now divorced) and many of my mum friends (many duvorced too now) found- that the (mother partner (often male partner/ Dad) doesn't pull their weight for the increase in mental load, the increase in actual work (drudgery of child care and parenting) and skims off the good stuff! (Taking them to football club but not cooking , feeding, cleaning cutting toenails, brushing hair, washing bibs or wet bedding, getting up in the night to unsettled children...)

That’s one of the reasons why I developed a fondness for men in uniform 😍
The military trains them up on high standards of keeping quarters clean and tidy.

Sorry I meant to type the other partner (often the male partner/Dad) not mother partner (often the male partner/Dad)

Well I sit in between those 2 votes. I'm a sahm and dd is napping and I'm being lazy, flicking through mumsnet, DH works FT has just finished lunch and I've just said I'd forgotten about the laundry in the washing machine. DH got up and hung it all out whilst I wrote this.

I do do more but he does pull his weight, it's just not 50/50 but he does school runs, nappy changes, bedtime, washing up, cleans the hob when I've made a mess of it, cooks on the weekend, takes turns for lie ins at the weekends. The main bulk of the housework is down to me but I'm happy with how things are.

When he was made redundant a few years ago and I was still working, he took on much more of the housework, cooking, childcare than I did.

I just assumed those people would exclude themselves on that basis.

He sounds great. Yeah that's us too. I earn a fraction of what he does from home and take on all the housework. He pays for the bulk of our lives. I find it works much easier but then I don't enjoy going to work or having a job like many do.