In thinking my manager is hugely insensitive for wearing these things into work?

[Mandarinthyme]

Our department head is very young and glamorous and is fairly new to the company. We know her salary range as it was stated alongside the job advert (a six figure salary whilst the rest of the team are lucky to earn a quarter of that). Every day she swans in to the office like she’s dressed for the catwalk, different designer handbags (the very obvious types - think Gucci, LV etc), Rolex watch, Cartier bracelets, designer belts and shoes. Not to mention the perfect nails, hair and everything else that we just cannot afford these days.

Meanwhile our large team is underpaid and overworked. The recent financial climate means many of us are struggling to heat our homes, worrying about mortgage/rental price hikes and generally having to really cut back. We are all office based and this is something we talk about frequently in conversation, so she’s completely aware of this. She’s previously had the cheek to say that we are all feeling the pinch given the financial situation, which is an absolute insult when she rubs her wealth in our faces 5 days a week.

AIBU in feeling completely incensed by this and wondering how on earth she can think it’s appropriate?! The whole team are upset with this and considering raising it with HR.

They aren't the main monarchy though are they.
Love those gals you mentioned especially Zara, she's the business.

I hear you OP

Nothing wrong with designer gear, good on her for getting to where she is.

Is she actually flaunting it?? Is it a case of her drawing attention to her designer stuff, or her just walking in with it. For some people, the loud designer look is actually a fashion look in itself. If that's the case let her enjoy it. If she is using it to assert her authority and to highlight the difference in power then that's different.

I have a few colleagues at work like this who don't see the eye rolls from them staff on minimum wage.

I can't keep my mouth shut though - I'm the most well off but literally over the designer shit - 'decided to retire a month later with that bag dear?'

@declutteringmymind Well you sound lovely to work with.

YABU
This is headed for deletion or the Daily Fail

Most people I know who wear this level of designer goods have a lot of family money (or alimony). 6 figures is unlikely to be enough to pay for this level of luxury goods if its in the 100ks.

Take it to HR but think carefully about how you present your argument.
Cost of living crisis, some staff struggling financially and mentally with that makes it feels a staff morale problem.
We’re poor, she’s rich, she’s rubbing it in our faces with all her designer labels sounds like petty jealousy.

Isn't that 6 figures 🤔🤔

People always bring out accusations of jealousy about wealth disparity; actually what us have nots feel is closer to disgust.

@declutteringmymind

I can't keep my mouth shut though - I'm the most well off but literally over the designer shit - 'decided to retire a month later with that bag dear

Except you wouldn't actually say that out loud, would you?

You'd think it and retell the story as you saying it but you wouldn't actually do it, would you? At work, in a professional setting, to a colleague?

There's nothing unprofessional about a designer bag. It's incredibly unprofessional to say something like you say you would do.

And I say that as someone who has zero interest in designer bags.

I know a man who is the CEO of a charity for homeless people. He turned down an expensive company car and instead decided to have a very modest one, as he didn't feel it appropriate to turn up to meetings in something too flashy.

I can understand that but you can't ask someone to change what they wear to make you feel better about yourself!

HR won't touch this with a barge pole. It would be actively inviting a complaint against them from her.

The whole team are upset with this and considering raising it with HR.

Raising with HR the outfits she chooses to wear etc? Good luck with that. Has she broken some rule?

She’s previously had the cheek to say that we are all feeling the pinch given the financial situation, which is an absolute insult when she rubs her wealth in our faces 5 days a week.

She may well have credit cards and the surplus income it seems she has could be quite fake. A friend of mine is on an ok salary but always at risk of losing it all because of how she spends and credit card debt. She spends a lot on hair and so on.

My partner is Band 8 NHS, runs a department. A part time nurse in department has a range of accessories eg LV bags, Prada this and that, regular Facebook posts with large family in v expensive London restaurants and showing business class flights for family back to country of origin. Their penthouse flat overlooks the City.
In my first job, the HoD had an expensive BMW. The secretary had the same expensive car, just a few years younger.
Sometimes it's people 'below' you at work that have the expensive lifestyles.

She’s previously had the cheek to say that we are all feeling the pinch given the financial situation,

I'd be inclined to respond to comments like those with something like "my weekly take home wage is less than the cost of your belt / bag etc - I don't think you understand the position I'm in" If you're feeling particularly annoyed ask her to champion your team and see if she can get your levels reviewed. Managers are able to do that sort of thing - I do it for my teams.

Start making it blatantly obvious that you are aware of the cost of what she is wearing and your take home wage is significantly less than her fashion choices.

Start making it blatantly obvious that you are aware of the cost of what she is wearing and your take home wage is significantly less than her fashion choices.

Shouldn't people at work mostly just be, you know, doing their jobs?

You're all weird then.

I can't see the difference between what you are describing and the cars in the office car park. In my experience it has always been that the managers drive in with their smart Mercedes and Audis while the rest of us rattle up in our old Ford Fiestas or equivalent. The top boss might show up in an ancient battered Landrover from time to time, dented from navigating his country estate. I've never given it a second thought, it's just the way it is.

Aaaah gotcha.

So designer clothes on a woman = showy, unacceptable and worthy of a complaint to HR.

Designer clothes on a man completely different and not a problem at all.

That's not misogynistic at all, is it? 🙄

The sense of entitlement in believing that you can dictate to a woman what she wears to work when she's not breaking any company rules is staggering. Can you imagine ever saying to a man "sorry mate, no more designer suits for you - nip down to Tesco and buy yourself something cheap because you're hurting my feelings by wearing nice clothes"? He'd laugh in your face, and understandably so.

She's earned her money and actually, if she's buying high quality clothing that will last, she's making environmentally friendly choices. Cheap clothing wears out quickly and contributes to climate change.

Lots of people can't afford designer clothing - myself included - but I cannot wrap my head around the idea that you think you have the right to decide a) what type of clothes she spends her money on and b) what she wears to work. She's perfectly entitled to dress to suit her own personal taste and comfort and just because you can't afford to do the same doesn't mean that she's not allowed to either. Trying to stop someone else wearing what they want because of hurty feelings is the very definition of self-entitlement.

I understand your point OP, although I agree with many other posters that it’s not an HR matter. I’d probably look for another job in your situation if that’s possible.

There’s a difference between wearing quality, well cut clothes and ostentatious shows of wealth.

I’ve worked in community service roles for many years where our clients are not well off and our colleagues (and ourselves) are not well paid. However some of us have more household money from family or partners with well paid jobs. And we wouldn’t dream of wearing obvious designer labels or flashy jewellery to the office. It would be crass and inappropriate. One of my friends removes her engagement ring every day before work because she counsels families who are struggling and doesn’t feel comfortable flashing a big diamond in their faces.

The responses you are receiving are pretty indicative of our society at the moment, where we worship wealth and flaunt it at every opportunity.

Wow. You want HR to tell your boss what to wear?

How will your boss know what is ok and what isn’t? Are you going to set a spending cap on clothes? Are certain shops banned?

You all sound awful tbh. There will always be people better off OP. We cannot dictate what people spend their money on, and we certainly cannot dictate what they can and cannot wear.

Never heard anything so ridiculous

I know what you're saying but I think there is a world of difference between a client-facing role where you'd be making service users uncomfortable, and work colleagues disapproving of your personal style and clothing budget.

And given the OP's disproportionate sense of entitlement in thinking she's got the right to complain to HR about this woman, I'm not sure I entirely trust her description of outrageously ostentatious clothing.

I'm not defending my own principles here either btw. I don't own a single piece of designer clothing, rarely bother carrying a handbag and don't even wear make-up. But the OP is attacking this woman for having her hair and nails done, plus wearing nice clothing, while also admitting that they're office based so presumably not breaking any rules? Which I assume wouldn't be the case for those working in community service roles. I worked in a homeless shelter for a while and in that environment, it would be grossly inappropriate. In an office, I couldn't care less what others wear. I can't imagine for a second why anyone would care.

I am afraid it is pettiness, jealousy, and bitterness. No one owes you anything. You don’t have to stay in a shit job where you aren’t valued, and aren’t well compensated. That is entirely YOUR CHOICE. Go to HR for a raise.

Good money and good roles don’t typically just land in people’s hands. They work hard, and upskill etc.or are smart enough to hold those roles.

( I’m not management material, don’t want that responsibility, and am nowhere near as smart as my manager. They work bloody hard, and deserve the comp they get. I don’t begrudge what they have.Nir that if my more senior colleagues.)

Not saying this is the case for everyone, but you have a choice. I was on a really shit wage where I was struggling to make ends meet for 6 months during the pandemic and after it eased off.

Most of my spare time was spent applying for roles online, updating my cv, writing covering letters, and upskilling at my role where I could - I applied for hundreds of jobs, spoke to every agency in the area and further afield, and managed to get a few interviews. I kept at it until I got something that was right for me, and was a salary I was happy with.

Life is unfair sometimes, but you just have to persevere. Find a way if you can, start your own business, get a side job, study if you need to, change jobs.

Obviously lots of people are not well compensated for the good work they do (many nurses atm). But the fact that you and your colleagues aren’t doing anything to help your situation and would rather gossip and go to HR says all I need to know.

There will always be someone better off than you, and likewise someone that is worse off than you. People can spend their money on what they like and it’s none of your business. I’m certain you wouldn’t want to be told what you could and couldn’t spend money on, nor where you were allowed to shop for your work clothing!

Exactly this.

How does the boss know what shops are OK and which ones aren't? Is the OP suggesting they draw up a list where she's allowed to shop or give her a spending cap per item of clothing?!

The whole notion is just utterly ridiculous.

she’s dressed for the catwalk, different designer handbags (the very obvious types - think Gucci, LV etc), Rolex watch, Cartier bracelets, designer belts and shoes. Not to mention the perfect nails, hair and everything else that we just cannot afford these days

I did some work in a call centre as a lawyer. Loads of the women who worked there on comparatively lower wages dressed exactly like this. I was dressed in vintage Primark because all my money goes elsewhere (massive mortgage). They drove shiny new cars compared to my ancient Honda.

As student on the bones of my arse I wore a vintage Cartier bracelet which was left to me.

As a graduate with mounting debt I had a real Miu Miu handbag bought for £20 off EBay. I would forego food to have a good haircut. Friends would do the same with nails.

Clearly flaunting my 'wealth'

What she find important and How she chooses to spend her money is not of your concern