Living with other families to reduce costs of living

[Ohnoohdear]

Does anyone with kids here live with another family with kids (or more than one) like friends/family members? I’ve always liked the thought of doing this as I love a busy household and that way rent etc would be cheaper and also could help eachother with child care and be better off financially due to be able to work more.

I come from a large family and grew up with a lot of people. Big dinners, lots of activities and buzz, never really alone. I’ve lived with family members as an adult and it has worked well. I’m now living with my DP and toddler son and feel lonely. I miss being part of a bigger community.

AIBU to think that this may be the way forward as the economy is making it difficult for families to manage? At least temporarily when the kids are in school.

Does anyone have experience with this scenario?

In the 70's this was called a commune... ok, it was more than 2 families living and sharing a space and came with some kind of ideology.

I can't see why not, if you find like-minded people.
Personally it wouldn't work for me. As I found out during my times of sharing, there is always someone who thinks that they do or pay more than the others. And then there is someone who basically supports the lazy ass and gets lumbered with the lion share of the workload...

If love the social side but I'd hate the logistics and politics. Even if you get on really well people must get annoyed with how others operate. I couldn't be doing with the complaining about doors being shit too loudly, leaving towels on the floor and unfairness over stacking the dishwasher or using all the cutlery. I have enough of that at work and when I was living in a house as a student (and my housemates were my best friends!)
One of my colleagues lives with his wife and baby daughter, his brother, SIL and their young son. They're from a culture where living with family is more normal so when we talk about it he just shrugs and says he can't imagine doing it any other way and paying two mortgages would be bonkers. BUT he's said they now have two sets of everything in the kitchen etc because they like different things and they were falling out over sharing stuff. He said it works well now, but the kitchen, utility and hallway is absolutely rammed with stuff which he hates.

*shut too loudly, that should be..

I can see the benefits in theory but it's so unlike how most families in the UK aspire to live and I just think many would really struggle to adapt to it. People do seem to place a lot of value in having your own space.

One thing on this thread is.

Prople who say it works, it did because the families had separate living spaces. Annexes, own living rooms etc.
But op's idea sounded more like sharedhouse with batch cooking for everyone etc. That doesn't really work even amongst relatives in most cases.

There is a big difference between 4 bed hpuse with 2 separate units of 2 beds and a normal 4 bed house when it comes to this.

I follow an influencer who bought a house with her parents (4 bed new build) and it was quite clearly a disaster. Her parents had a snug and the dining room for living space, she had the lounge. She felt like she couldn't let her kids use the garden when her dad was out there reading/napping and she plus her family ended up using the en-suite only as the parents saw the main bathroom as "theirs". I think the problem came in paying half each for the house when the influencer's family was 4 people and her parents were 2.

I could see this working with the elderly. Group of old people moving together and hiring one nurse/housekeeper/assistant and sharing the costs. I can also see other scenarios where sharing would work .

As for couples with kids permanently? Nah. I mean I can seee the appeal. It would just require so much from the people living together. Everyone doing their share of the housework, finances be on time, respect the space, so many rules about everything. Who is allowed to be when and where. Not asking where others are going. But still negotiating childcare and everything. Just boundaries all around. I wouldn't want to negotiate in my own house. Also, there is a hierarchy often in multigenerational households. But I'm not sure how it would work with friends when there are 4 adults and 4 children.

I can see the theory but not the practicalities.

In the countryside its common for siblings and parents live next door to each other. It works wonderful for some. But it has also caused divorces. But then on the other hand post-divorce she was already living next to her family so had the support.

I grew up in a multi-generational household as a child, but it was very much two separate families . My parents and us kids lived upstairs, and my grandmother and her sister lived downstairs.

There was no shared living except for the fact that my mother did some care for my grandmother , and it was nice for us kids to visit granny and auntie downstairs after school. But this is obviously not what you are talking about. If our two households had shared expenses, meals, etc, there would have been world war 3.

I really can't imagine anything worse than your scenario . You probably liked it because you presumably grew up as a child in this set-up. But for the adults I bet there was a lot of resentment under the surface that you didn't know about !

You could look into fostering. You get paid for it but it could be a way of having the busy house you'd like, while also helping someone else.

My MIL comes from a Middle Eastern background and this would be her preference, despite living in the UK for more than 40 years.

She's hinted many times but I've played dumb, I know how it would play out and she'd see herself as the 'matriarch' in that situation who controls the household. I'm way too old and comfortable to be living under someone else's roof, even just metaphorically!

Besides, I love my own place, it's my sanctuary...

"Sorry, I mean annexes have 1 bed, clearly. You wouldn't be able to comfortably have one family in the nice 3 bed bit and the other in one bedroom, long term."

It wasn't clear but no, you don't need an annexe to house share 🤣. You wouldn't put one family in the house part and one in the annexe (who has a bloody annexe these days?). The point is that you share the space you have.

It could be only temporary for as long as it works, especially during the small kids stage as I’ve always found it easier to look after 3+ kids with another adult than trying to entertain a small toddler all day by myself. And way more fun too! X

you have picked the wrong site to ask. Whilst I think many people would not like it MN is full of people who freak out if people even attempt to converse with them at the school gate.

I think I’m one of the few who could manage this but it wouldn’t be a case of anyone it would be very few people who I could tolerate.

Yes it was. I said UK houses aren't set up for it without annexes and "they" (annexes) often only have one bedroom. I have given an example earlier in the thread whereby 2 households fell out over a shared living space.

The "point" is that I don't think sharing a living space would be a pleasant way to live, as many others have said. Who wants to share a bathroom with someone else's kids when they've got a D&V bug?

Our houses are not built for multigenerational living, in general.

We're going straight back to the pre-WWI standard of living, with multiple families rammed into tiny houses, paid barely enough to live on and struggling to survive, living in conditions of intense and unbearable stress, with all the physiological and psychological ramifications this will cause.

All thanks to overpopulation.

That would be ill-advised anywhere, but in the great grey death trap that is Britain, it's literally inviting total catastrophe.

Yes folks, it's mid-14th century time again soon. You can see it coming...as if COVID wasn't enough of a warning!

But apparently we need to actually live the lesson, not just read about it. I don't know why, but there it is.

I'm guessing in societies where this at least appears to work there is a strict social hierarchy where everyone knows their place and what's expected. We don't have this in our society and it would take a long time, generation or more maybe, before we would develop our own.

"Yes it was. I said UK houses aren't set up for it without annexes and "they" (annexes) often only have one bedroom. I have given an example earlier in the thread whereby 2 households fell out over a shared living space.

The "point" is that I don't think sharing a living space would be a pleasant way to live, as many others have said. Who wants to share a bathroom with someone else's kids when they've got a D&V bug?"

🤣 calm down. Have you been hanging round here all night waiting for a response?

Why would I be sharing a bathroom in that situation? Many houses have 2 bathrooms or at least a separate toilet. And it's not very often people have D&V bugs is it? The last one in our house was in 2012 so I think the savings and other benefits would absolutely outweigh that non-issue.

No, it wasn't clear. It read like "UK houses are not made for this and that even with an annexe they usually have one bedroom." I see now what you were saying and how I misread it but it certainly wasn't "clear".

None of my in laws live with their family in one flat/sharedhouse.
They do however live in basically apartment building with 3-4 flats, each has own flat and they share garden, garage etc.
Now that can work. But having 2 gen in 1 3 bed flat for example would be quite a no.

This type of typical multigen sharing though doesn't really do what op had in mind and saves on bills because everyone has their space, they just meet up for chats and fun, sometimes dinner etc. It is buzzing, but it is still separate living

It was clear about the annexes btw

"It was clear about the annexes btw"

Wasn't 🤣

It was, wasn't it? Thanks! 😁

Nobody has a frigging annexe. It's not 1982 🙈

I think if this is the cultural norm, and you are born into this type of thing, then I guess it’s ok. Certainly useful around childcare/cooking/cleaning etc.

But I didn’t grow up with that, like quiet and some time to myself. Cannot bear noisy families, noisy kids charging around everywhere.

No thank you

Yes they do. I'm a mortgage and home insurance broker. I spend all day long looking into how to get mortgages and insurance on properties with unusual setups. There's one on the end of my road for sale with one! A lot of people convert their garage into a one-space living area with shower room.

If the house is a rented one and the families are not related it (in our area anyway) then would be an HMO - a house in multiple occupation - and there are many more regulations to be adhered to on the part of the owner of the property and a special license to be obtained before it can be rented to two families.

If this is not adhered to the landlord could be fined, insurance would be invalid and a buy to let mortgage withdrawn.