Living with other families to reduce costs of living

[Ohnoohdear]

Does anyone with kids here live with another family with kids (or more than one) like friends/family members? I’ve always liked the thought of doing this as I love a busy household and that way rent etc would be cheaper and also could help eachother with child care and be better off financially due to be able to work more.

I come from a large family and grew up with a lot of people. Big dinners, lots of activities and buzz, never really alone. I’ve lived with family members as an adult and it has worked well. I’m now living with my DP and toddler son and feel lonely. I miss being part of a bigger community.

AIBU to think that this may be the way forward as the economy is making it difficult for families to manage? At least temporarily when the kids are in school.

Does anyone have experience with this scenario?

God no and the arguments, about who was making the mess in the loo , wanting private time with your partner snuggled on the sofa , no privacy ever

you just seem to want it for childcare, are you struggling with that?

A commune. I stayed in one once. Wouldn't do it forever, I like mod cons and modern society and am not a communist.

No thanks, I like peace and quiet and not having to queue for the bathroom.

Hell no. I like my own family better when they're not around all day. When we are all home, we tend to spend most of the day in separate rooms.

Op is there an issue you can’t afford child care or a second child and you’re thinking if you lived with others you can get them to look after your kid and you could have another?

Not ransoms but certainly could envisage dc staying with us and bringing in their families. We are lucky in that the house is large enough that we could do it and in theory all still have space

randoms

It depends how agreeable you are and how easily you can not sweat the small stuff. Personally while I'd like the idea of having company , a part of me would also hate it. There would need to be very strict boundaries and rules that everyone will follow . I think with modern day life it would be very difficult to make it work

Not really, my DP works full time and I work part time and we share child care. We’re also lucky to have his grandmother that occasionally helps (DS adores her, it’s lovely to see). I just know how many people that spends sometimes £1000+ on childcare struggle financially.

The thing in multigenerational living is that everyone has their space otherwise it simply doesn't work. There is a reason why people started living separately.
I grew up in multigenerational house. It's not all lovely and bill sharing. We all had own space but you still have to be midnful of the others like you would be of housemates. It's can be quite tough. Frankly, uk builds are just not made for this.

Childcare cost saving only works if someone doesn't work ft. Imagine the odds of being able to have different days as NWDs to cover the week.

Plus you would simply not be multigen living. You would actually be unrelated housemates and that has totally different dynamic.

Sorry

Imagine arguments about having heating on / off and different standards of housework etc I can’t see it working. I’d hate it but I’m not very good at biting my tongue when things irritate me

A friend of mine grew up like this, two families living together with 6 children all growing up as siblings

it fell apart spectacularly

We all lived with my gp from when I was around 7 until 10. Thet bought a shop and my mum helped them run it for free board and food etc while they saved my dad's wage to buy a house in a better area

It worked really well , we were always very close though. They lived across the road from us before then and when my gps became old and ill my mum cared for them . My grandad lived with her for 4 years after my nana died until he passed away this year from cancer

I'm not sure my mum would want to live with me and my dc though 🤣 she did have ds1 live with her a couple of years ago for 6 months when his relationship broke down

Exactly! As long as everyone got along and that there were some clear rules about the logistics (cleaning/who does what/financial) it may work if you get on with who you live with.

It’s the lack of privacy and the different ways of living people have. From do you have a bath to a shower, the heating on, is the kitchen cleaned enough, who is eating what, to having guests round, parties, entertaining, listening to music , someone who is messy, someone who is not etc for me it would be horrendous.

as a grown up I want my own home, I want to come in and not spend time with people other than my immediate family, I don’t want to sit in my bedroom watching tv like a teen, as someone else is watching the main one, or be able to watch it on a rota, if I want my friends over to stay the night I don’t want to ask permission, if I want music throughout the house then I want to have that when I feel like it and not have to wear ear buds, I don’t want to take it in turns to use the washing machine, or to compare different parenting styles where one kid is allowe one thing and another isn’t.

there is a reason this isn’t popular. Well there are many.

My idea of hell too! Sometimes I don't even like living with my own family, never mind anyone else's 🤣🤣

(To be clear - this is obv a joke and I only feel like this on the occasions where my DH pees me off and my kids drive me nuts)

It’s interesting to see so many different views on this! Sorry I haven’t replied to everyone!

I’m a pretty easygoing person that thrive on company and being around others. I wouldn’t want to live with strangers though but perhaps family or good friends.

I wouldn’t want to do it. There’s nothing better sometimes than closing your door at the end of a shitty week and just being with my partner and children.

You’re unlikely to live with people who agree on how to bring up kids, how to share housework, what to eat etc so I think it could be very stressful constantly compromising.

I like having friends and their kids over, they sometimes stay for a holiday, but living with them full time isn’t something I’d want. My kids would hate if, they like their space.

As for other cultures having several generations under one roof, have you talked to some of the younger women about that? I have and it’s often not a happy experience for them but it’s something that’s often trotted out on these threads as a good thing.

Eacb to their own but for me, definitely not.

I’m with you on this OP. I grew up in a busy household and am now sat alone with little one in bed and partner out doing a hobby. However I have just looked at house prices and would have to pay an extra £1k than my already expensive mortgage to rent a house just with 2 extra bedrooms or pay 3 times what my house is worth to buy a big enough house. So I can’t see that it would be saving any money at all.

Yes very good points! It definitely wouldn’t be easy and not without sacrifices. The people I would consider living with (let’s be clear, I haven’t asked them, as I said previously - just daydreaming) would feel like an extension of my immediate family. I know that we get on because I have lived with them before.

But yeah, not for everyone :)

Above message for Anniefrenchfry !

We l thought that until we lived in a shared house😂

In my culture this is normal, even in the UK. Unless you go into the arrangement with very clear rules/boundaries, a natural pecking order usually forms, with MIL at the top which is often the source of misey for those below the DIL. People looking in from outside think it's lovely and 'just like the old days' but it can cause so many problems. Definitely not worth it just to save a bit of gas and electric!

But it changes op when you grow up, have kids, living with someone when you’re young and skint is very different to living with them as a grown up.

You must be an extrovert op 🤣