Living with other families to reduce costs of living

[Ohnoohdear]

Does anyone with kids here live with another family with kids (or more than one) like friends/family members? I’ve always liked the thought of doing this as I love a busy household and that way rent etc would be cheaper and also could help eachother with child care and be better off financially due to be able to work more.

I come from a large family and grew up with a lot of people. Big dinners, lots of activities and buzz, never really alone. I’ve lived with family members as an adult and it has worked well. I’m now living with my DP and toddler son and feel lonely. I miss being part of a bigger community.

AIBU to think that this may be the way forward as the economy is making it difficult for families to manage? At least temporarily when the kids are in school.

Does anyone have experience with this scenario?

Couldn’t imagine anything worse. I actually lived in my car last year as the only other option was to share accommodation. Not for me.

Your suggestion- to me- sounds like a refugee camp. I’m sorry if that’s offensive but that’s what it makes me think of (my mother was a refugee).

No way. UK houses aren't made for this unless they have an annexe and even then they normally only have 1 bedroom.

I'd have my brother and his family move in to my house. There's lots of room and he rents already whereas I own. We live in different towns though so it's not going to happen unless he's completely priced out by the increase in the cost of living.

We never argue, never have. There's no way we'd argue over someone having a bath or putting the heating on!

My friend who I see like a sister would move in to mine with her kids tomorrow if I let her. But I've said no. We're very close and have been for 25 years but it's not a real sibling relationship and I'd be scared to risk our friendship.

It's quite popular in Germany. Several new built small estates are built as communal properties, so homeowners have their seperate bedrooms/baths and a moderate private living area, but then share a large communak kitchen living area, and other facilities, like utility room, garden, bike shed. It's usually also all very eco passivhouse/solar, and the lifestyle very organic/vegetarian.

"UK houses aren't made for this unless they have an annexe and even then they normally only have 1 bedroom."

Uk houses normally have 1 bedroom? No they don't!

I had a friend who did this. Both families wanted an enormous house and garden for the kids. I think it worked for them because the house was so big they had separate sitting rooms and the bedrooms weren't close. They just loved what they could afford on average salaries and shared childcare. Not sure how it worked on a day to day level.

I also know two sister whose families live together. I'm fairly certain one family owns the (again, very big) house. I'm not sure whether the second family are staying long term or just for now. The sisters run a business together from the house.

It's an interesting idea but I think you would need to go large for the privacy!

Yes they do. Literally the first result in my town with one - floorplan below.

Sorry, I mean annexes have 1 bed, clearly. You wouldn't be able to comfortably have one family in the nice 3 bed bit and the other in one bedroom, long term.

A family at my childrens school does this. Two sons, their families and two sets of grandparents with an aunty living in two semi-detached (so one double sized) houses. The children call their cousins siblings and they all seem very happy. I think it is very common in middle class families in India and Bangladesh.

I barely tolerate my own family 😬

A friend of mine lives in tiny hamlet that consists of 10 cottages/barns that go off one piece of land at the front, so shared front space/parking area (large, beautiful, two spaces each plus guest parking) and their own private outside space on the back/sides.

I could live like that with friends. So there would be no bill sharing, everyone has their own home/garden but they’re on the doorstep for emergencies/kids can play together/etc.

But I’ve been a lone parent far longer than I was married and very, very occasionally I will find myself wishing for an extra pair of hands nearby.

This was my dream when I was a single mother, and lonely. I didn't want a husband but I just wanted to live with another young single mum with 1 kid like me.

No I'm married and have my more children and wouldn't like it, but at the time it seemed like the solution

I love the idea of it in theory and definitely see where you're coming from, but I think in practice, I'd hate it 😂

I grew up in a huge family.

And now my family is small.

I'd love to do it, and have even suggested it to my siblings but they didnt want to.

I'm not too worried about privacy for it to work, you would need a big house with enough space for your privacy. And problems with cleaning etc- there will be a cleaner etc housekeeper. The money saved will be able to pay for it.

The kids would love it.

Instead I spend a lot of time over in my siblings house instead.

I totally get where you are coming from @Ohnoohdear
my mum grew up like that, two large families in a 3-bed top floor tenement flat in Glasgow. She now spends most of her time alone and prefers it that way. I grew up an only child rattling around in an old Victorian 3-bed house and would love to have a noisy household with people coming and going. We kinda do… work keeps us a bit busy and out of the house for it to really materialise the way it does in my mind though.

Isn’t there a saying something along the lines of “It takes a village to raise a child”? - I do very much believe humans weren’t really designed to live all shut away from each other and to tuck their old people away in homes. Some countries, I think e.g. the Netherlands and Sweden, have projects where students get cheap rent to live in old folks accommodation and provide a few hours socialising and support a week. Apparently a roaring success. I have moved so far away from my parents I wonder how my kids will genuinely cope with old people in their future years as they have no exposure to old folks now as we don’t know any old people!! (DP’s parents have long since passed away). Plus wouldn’t my kids potentially keep my parents younger at heart for a bit longer if we spent more time together? Also, just the childcare issue thing… three families together…. There’s pretty much always someone around, surely? Plus we all saw how depression and anxiety skyrocketed when we were all locked in for what felt like forever. Some coped, many others didn’t. Many reasons as to why I truly think the human race is meant to live in more of a community and not behind closed doors. Or is it just evolution? I’d be happy with a compromise somewhere in the middle….

I feel lonely with just me, DH and the 4, mainly teen kids.

I would love to live in a multi family community. I would have tried to join a Christian lay community, in another life, but its DPs idea of hell! But then I am an extreme extrovert and he is an introvert!

Just realised about council tax. They could easily double since the house needed will be large and have higher value.
Like mine is for example £1500, but if Io e to band F, which isn't even mansion, just 2 extra bedrooms and better postcode where bog houses are, it would be £3500.

In theory I like the idea.

Like a small hotel, each family has their own personal space - bedrooms, bathrooms and maybe a small living area - but then there's a communal dining area and maybe lounge as well.

In practice, it would have to be with people I know very well, because imagine there's always that one person that shirks their turn, or doesn't pay into the kitty, or doesn't discipline their kids...

I’ve toyed with the idea of buying a massive house with friends, having a section each, with shared staff and communal areas but the legalities are too complex

Well, there are a lot of co housing projects and housing co ops out there. They usually work along the lines of each family having their own space and kitchen, but meeting up in a communal space maybe once a week for a meal, having communal facilities such as a laundry room and gardens etc. Have a look at the Diggers and Dreamers website.

This was when I was adult and we both had kids! It was only for a month mind you.. potentially stayed in rosy honeymoon faze haha. This sort of arrangement would work short term too though depending on circumstances. If someone owned a big enough house that the other family could just move into temporarily (to save some money/companionship/in between houses etc etc).

@Ohnoohdear also just came to mind was the family in home alone. They all lived together in a huge house and as a child I always thought they must have so much fun

Sort of done multi-gen family living but not 2 separate families. I’ve spent various periods of a few months at a time of living with in-laws and my parents. When I was growing up my auntie lived with us for a few years - she was single and didn’t have children - and my parents had 5. It was really nice. We moved country though, so she stayed behind - but visited us a lot and we were really close right up to when she passed away.

I’d be happy to live with in-laws or my parents if they need more help as they get older. They do loads of childcare for us. Living with other people is a mindset thing rather than a space thing I think. People live in multi gen households in flats where I come from. I think it is easier to live with grandparents/kids than siblings and their families though - and friends I think might also be hard (as you might have different expectations etc).

Now this i can absolutely imagine working quite well