Friend invited herself over to my house...aibu to say no ?

[pinkslaws]

She messages last week saying
"Child free Friday next weekend so il come over yours for the night and go home Saturday "
Didn't ask or anything
Now I'm in the middle of decorating
House upside down
So would I be in the wrong to say I can come over yours instead?
She's not having the best time right now but I just don't want anyone in mine at the minute

Tell her she can’t as you’re decorating. But be prepared for her to offer to help/not be any trouble. A simple ‘not convenient this Friday/weekend’ should do it.

Just agree to an external meet up then
youre not compelled to have her stay over. If you don’t want it

Claim you are sick of the sight of decorating and need a break from your house and say you will meet her in town instead?

The more you say no the easier it gets. Start now.

Message asking if you’re still meeting up for a drink. Say I’m not having guests at mine.

I hate people who don’t take no for an answer you need to be very blunt and not worry about their feelings, as they don’t give a shit about yours.

She is a CF for inviting herself. Tell her no.

Some people are like this. Yeah, it is a bit rude but she probably has good intentions. Wants to see you and would probably like to see your house too.

If her coming over isn't convenient, suggest going out for drinks and food and back to hers. Or you just go to hers for a takeaway or something. Tell her about your house being upside down.

She's your friend and wants to spend time with you. You need to enjoy it too so suggest what you're comfortable with.

Reply with "You might not mind but I do. We can either go out and go home to our own homes or I can come to yours. Which suits you best?"

If her coming over isn't convenient, suggest going out for drinks and food and back to hers. Or you just go to hers for a takeaway or something. Tell her about your house being upside down

If OP couldn't bring herself to say that last week then she isn't very likely to say it now is she?

So now I'm kind of stuck I struggle with being firm etc

Yes OP, you are kind of stuck, but what did you think would happen?

You might not mind but I do. We can either go out and go home to our own homes or I can come to yours. Which suits you best?"

Perfect.

Or…don’t speak up and she comes anyway, despite you not wanting her to.

Your choice.

ive got a friend who can be a bit like this an a house that is literally a building site (rooms with floorboards ripped up, one room back to bare brick, only bathroom is the en suite) and every time “nope house isn’t visitor ready. Happy to come to yours or go for a meal”

Of course yanbu, just tell her in the same way you’ve put it here.

This

Never make excuses, because it gives people an in to argue about it. Just say 'sorry, that won't work for me. Let's do xxx instead'

It really is a lot simpler

I know a few people struggle with being a bit more assertive so I feel for you but you now need to message her to confirm what time and where you are meeting up.
If she comes backs and says I’m coming to yours, you just respond “No I’ve said I’m decorating and house is a mess, it’ll be better for me if we meet out somewhere”

That way you are being absolutely clear of what works for you. If she won’t accept that then you respond ok we’ll arrange another time then.

Honesty is best policy. She might be really needing you at the mo and you are not able to be there the way she needs. Best resolved by being honest

She could have asked rather than told you. Just tell her it's not a good time your decorating and suggest meeting up somewhere.

100% this. She can “not mind” all she wants but it’s not her house!

Op she’s being very cheeky and deliberately not reading between the lines so you have to be blunt with her. Tell her that you’re not up for visitors but happy to meet somewhere or go to hers. Don’t negotiate.

And if you don’t want her to stay then also don’t suggest another time.

Tell her to bring her paintbrush if she's coming!

Youre not stuck at all, just reiterate that the house isnt suitable for guests at the moment, and that youd love to go out and meet for a drink. I dont like people staying over either and hate staying at other peoples places as well, so just be firm and dont agree to it!

Why do people feel the need to post dilemmas like this on here?

Have we become so unassertive and bad at communicating that we need endorsements from a bunch of strangers on the internet to manage normal basic human friendships?

You might not mind but I do. We can either go out and go home to our own homes or I can come to yours. Which suits you best?

This is perfect.

Type it out now. Some people really need to have things spelt out to them. Firmly. In words of one syllable. No you can't come over. Happy to meet in town or at yours

I'm exactly like this 🤣🤣🙈

This one ☝️