Friend invited herself over to my house...aibu to say no ?

[pinkslaws]

She messages last week saying
"Child free Friday next weekend so il come over yours for the night and go home Saturday "
Didn't ask or anything
Now I'm in the middle of decorating
House upside down
So would I be in the wrong to say I can come over yours instead?
She's not having the best time right now but I just don't want anyone in mine at the minute

She messaged LAST week?! What did you reply at the time?

I am decorating all downstairs and restoring three pieces of furniture, my house has been off limits for three weeks. I just tell people. Last night as the kitchen is finished my closest mate came round for after work tea and crumpets. Just tell her!

Did you even read the post? She is in the middle of decorating, for goodness sake. Ladders, paint, dust sheets, furniture moved. It’s not about having not squirted bleach in the sink before some sort of queen arrives. It’s about not wanting someone in the bloody way at a really shit and inconvenient time!

How old are you? People navigate conversations with friends ALL THE TIME without needing the input of an entire Internet forum

Was going to say if course yanbu and she is cheeky but then picked up on the last week bit in which case it's all irrelevant until you tell us how you responded!
Or is it going to be a drip feed?

I'd happily have friends here while I'm decorating. But we're all different.

Tell her that you’re decorating but can pop over and spend some time with her. Next time be honest too, tell her that overnights aren’t your thing.

I agree. Say that you are in the middle of decorating and can you go out instead? Simple.

Wet lettuce award of the day

Nasty response! Some people are just very nice and don’t like saying no

You're not being unreasonable about not wanting her to come but you are being unreasonable about leaving it to the day before to tell her.

Why have you left this hanging for a week? She's assuming she's coming and now you're going to say no...really shotty on your part OP, she might be stuck with no plans now, and you say she's been having a hard time.

It's not nasty FGS.

Not saying no to something that you absolutely don't want to happen isn't "being nice". It's being wet and allowing people to walk all over you.

How is it "nice" of the OP to let someone come and stay (uninvited!), have their plans disrupted and have to endure someone staying in their home when they actually don't want them there?

Erm why have you left it until now before responding if she messaged last week or is it you’ve already agreed and now having second thoughts?

im going to say that Yabu to have left this so late in the day to set definite plans.

But when I’m decorating I like to go at it for anything up to 14/15 hours a day without distraction. And of course the house will look like a bomb site until it’s all been put back together. So wouldn’t have anyone over because I simply won’t have time to entertain them. So in that sense YAnbu.

Also she is being unreasonable by inviting herself without actually asking if it works for you!

No I replied last week saying
Up for a drink but place is a mess at the minute
And she replied I don't mind
So now I'm kind of stuck
I struggle with being firm etc

@pinkslaws
No I replied last week saying
Up for a drink but place is a mess at the minute
And she replied I don't mind
So now I'm kind of stuck
I struggle with being firm etc

Well, you shot yourself in the foot there didn't you?
So you'll have to entertain her.
Grow a backbone ready for next time.

Message her today asking where you're meeting up for that drink.
If she still insists on coming to yours put you foor down and say there's no way you can have anyone staying.
It's not like she has nowhere to go. She could always stay home

"sorry, I should have been more clear, it's a mess because I am busy decorating at the moment. Would love to see you when I have finished, maybe next weekend (or whatever suits you)..." Not very difficult to sort this out

’Appreciate you don’t mind but I do - it’s chaos with paint and decorating stuff everywhere. Strong fumes too. Another time, not a bother but let’s decide on a restaurant / pub at which to meet. What do you fancy?’

You should have told her sooner, why leave it so late? Shes prob looking forward to it now.

I'm with you!

"I do though! I wouldn't feel comfortable, we'll do it when I'm finished with the renovations. Do you want to meet half way for dinner/drinks instead?"

I guess an alternative response could have been something like "Great! Bring old clothes and come ready to help paint!"

Is this a poem?