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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that gay footballers ARE still role models

92 replies

Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 11:41

I help coach a girls football team for 9-11 year olds. Fab bunch of kids who, unsurprisingly, LOVE the Lionnesses football team and have their individual heroes - Lucy Bronze, Alessia Russo, Leah Williamson etc - who they view as role models.
one day I could be like…

we use these women as examples to the kids of what hard work, practice, good team work etc can achieve -

one of the dads who helps out has somehow only now found out how many of the Lionesses are gay, and had a convo with me about how he thinks they maybe aren’t good role models ‘ given the circumstances’. He seems particularly pissed off that Leah Williamson has a girlfriend. His daughter worships her, and I think he actually had a bit of a crush himself.

have told him to stop being so ridiculous, the kids don’t care, no-one cares. I doubt the kids even think about it and even if they did suss that Lucy Bronze has a female partner, they are not going to give a stuff!

AIBU to say he’s being a twat!? We left it a bit frosty but I won’t put up with this nonsense. He thinks it ‘unprofessional’ for them to date England teammates. But it certainly hasn’t done the team any harm so far…

thisnisnt the first time I’ve had to shut blokes or male coaches down about the sexuality of women players, which they seem to seem as some kind of joke.

OP posts:
Clymene · 20/10/2022 11:43

Tell him he's a homophobic wanker and you have zero tolerance for homophobia in the club

VimFuego101 · 20/10/2022 11:44

Clymene · 20/10/2022 11:43

Tell him he's a homophobic wanker and you have zero tolerance for homophobia in the club

This.

Original poster
Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 11:46

He also reckons there are NO gay male professional footballers. I explained how that is statistically impossible and that a handful are now coming out but that it’s the machismo culture around male football that makes it so difficult for male athletes to be open.

OP posts:
Original poster
Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 11:47

I’d genuinely love to hear the rationale from the people who voted IABU. Not to be goady but to be prepared to hear what people think, as we may have some parents who feel similarly…

OP posts:
Parmesam · 20/10/2022 11:48

YANBU. He's a homophobe. You are setting a good example, he isn't.

caramac04 · 20/10/2022 11:49

Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 11:46

He also reckons there are NO gay male professional footballers. I explained how that is statistically impossible and that a handful are now coming out but that it’s the machismo culture around male football that makes it so difficult for male athletes to be open.

I nearly fell off my chair laughing at that little gem 😂. He really is a twat.
Feel a bit sorry for his daughter but at least she’s got her football coach

Fireballxl5 · 20/10/2022 11:51

Ask him why they are not good role models.
Make him be specific.

He's hardly a good role model for his dc is he?
He's homophobic and probably an insecure little man.

Original poster
Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 12:12

‘Ask him why they are not good role models.
Make him be specific.’

he was. He said he didn’t want the girls thinking only gay women played football. He then said he didn’t want them thinking they had to be the ‘same’ as the England players to be successful- only one or 2 married, no kids… male footballers often marry and have kids. I told him Demo Stokes had a baby - as her partner just gave birth - and I thought he was going to have a stroke!
Not to mention most of the team are YOUNG - it’s not unusual for professional sportswomen in their teens and 20s NOT to have children… FFS

OP posts:
Original poster
Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 12:14

And of course there’s the obvious - our team are children of 9,10 mostly. They having fun with mates, staying healthy. Playing a sport they love but it’s highly unlikely that any of them will actually become pro soccer players!

OP posts:
Seeline · 20/10/2022 12:19

Male players can have babies young - because it is their partners that give birth! For a professional sports woman, having a baby has a major impact on their training and playing for months! Does he think they can just take the day off to give birth and not have to worry about the 9 months running up to it, or the months after it?!

It's not just football either where women are out - loud and proud. Hockey, rugby, cricket etc all have couples playing. It's fab! It's awful that gay men can't be themselves in professional sport.

He really is a prize pillock!!

PuttingDownRoots · 20/10/2022 12:24

Don't engage beyond pointing the FA is anti-homophobia and the relationship status of any player is irrelevant to their football skill.

ThereIsNoSuchThingAsRoadTax · 20/10/2022 12:43

Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 11:46

He also reckons there are NO gay male professional footballers. I explained how that is statistically impossible and that a handful are now coming out but that it’s the machismo culture around male football that makes it so difficult for male athletes to be open.

It is a sad indictment of fans of male football that professional player feel they cannot come out. It seems that this man's problem is that fans of the women's game are less homophobic than fans of the man's game. Utter twat.

mycatisannoying · 20/10/2022 12:45

What an absolute tit.

Deluded fool probably thought he was in with a chance Hmm

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 20/10/2022 12:52

People aren't role models because they are; Gay, straight, white, black, tall, short,.....

They are role models because of their behaviours and actions.

A gay footballer could be a total wanker, or could be a strong, determined, hard working, considerate, philanthropic, paragon of virtue.

ChagSameachDoreen · 20/10/2022 12:53

If there were more decent gay female role models, fewer young girls would be identifying as men because of their same-sex attraction.

EeeByeGummieBear · 20/10/2022 12:56

Well done OP. He's being an idiot. It's people like him that prevent male gay footballers coming out.

gogohmm · 20/10/2022 12:57

He's homophobic plain and simple - he seems to think his dd can "catch being gay" from knowing that some professional female footballers are gay. Bet he's actually insecure about his own sexuality.!

My dd plays football and rugby, she has a boyfriend of many years (she's an adult)

Brogues · 20/10/2022 12:57

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 20/10/2022 12:52

People aren't role models because they are; Gay, straight, white, black, tall, short,.....

They are role models because of their behaviours and actions.

A gay footballer could be a total wanker, or could be a strong, determined, hard working, considerate, philanthropic, paragon of virtue.

This is true but that’s not what the OP is on about! The OP is describing someone who says they CAN’T be role models if they are gay.

Brogues · 20/10/2022 12:59

There are a few Worlds Strongest Man competitors who have come out as being gay and the sport is being really supportive of them.

Mardyface · 20/10/2022 12:59

It's not even homophobia. It's about women being allowed to do things that have literally nothing to do with their sexuality (and more specifically how fuckable men find them).

ForgottenWhyImHere · 20/10/2022 13:03

When I saw the thread title, I thought it was going to be about gay male footballers. We need more of them out in the open.

This man is an idiot.

My XH left me to come out as gay. I think a big part of his denial was that when he was young there were no gay men in the public eye (or that he knew personally) who reflected the kind of person he was. I came here to say how important it is for young people to see all kinds of people doing all kinds of things. Nobody should think they can't do something because they don't fit some ridiculous stereotype or that they're limited to something else because they do fit that particular stereotype.

Anyway, of course these young female sports people are good role models! For all the reasons you cite.

It's attitudes like this man's that mean that, even in this day and age, some people still don't feel able to be open about who they are. His poor daughter.

Original poster
Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 13:16

‘Deluded fool probably thought he was in with a chance Hmm’

you know, i do think that’s part of it, the fact that the 25 year old super-fit captain of her national team won’t now be considering a 50ish, married, dad of 4, financial advisor as a potential partner —- whereas if she was straight I’m sure she’d be all over him😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Livetoplay · 20/10/2022 13:20

‘It's about women being allowed to do things that have literally nothing to do with their sexuality (and more specifically how fuckable men find them).’

You’re bang on there… the ‘amusement’ some blokes have with how inclusive and accepting women’s football is in the sporting world when it comes to sexuality is more to do with some kind of peevishness that they’re cracking on in the world without needing to feel sexually available to men in some way.

OP posts:
OttersMayHaveShiftedInTransit · 20/10/2022 13:26

Because all male professional footballers are such fantastic role models. He should be more worried about kids looking up to rapists, wife beaters, cheats (in the football and the marriage sense) and drunk drivers.
There are load of fantastic role models in the male game but plenty are not.

BIWI · 20/10/2022 13:30

So the 7 people who think the OP is being unreasonable.

Care to be brave and tell us why?

... beyond the fact that you're obviously homophobic too