Give advice to the poster above you, wrong answers only

[TerfQueen]

Inspired by so many posts here lately where the replies are utterly batshit and wildly presumptive, give the poster above your terrible advice!

Extra bonus points if you can turn their question / AIBU into a personal attack, whilst deriving totally speculative presumptions from the little they’ve wrote.

I’ll go first.

My next door neighbour would like to plant some flowers along our boundary line, AIBU to let him plant the flowers? Husband says he prefers the neat lawn without flowers along the edging

You're all wrong and there's a serpent in my bath.

@quietnightmare women are not breeding machines you know. I get that your generation never questioned anything but maybe you should educate yourself? Honestly I despair.

need help! DS (19) has moved his gf (17) in and they're expecting me to do all their washing and cook their meals. DS says if I chuck her out he'll disown me and never come back because his gf family are horrible. What should I do?

Throw him out first. Both of them. Tough love is what you need here. In my day we didn't pander to children - up the chimneys/down the mines/frost on the windows/one lump of coal each etc etc. Never did me any harm. YOU ARE A DOORMAT.

Urm do their washing and their meals and be grateful they are still speaking to you! Who do you think will look after you in your old age if you start being selfish now.

What kind of question is that? What kind of mother are you? Get an au pair to do the cooking and washing. I hear Liz Truss is looking for a job commensurate with her abilities.

Really should have a trigger warning on this thread…some people are born on leap years, insensitive.

But YANBU, she shouldn’t have had a baby if she couldn’t afford to go down the IVF route to ENSURE this didn’t happen. Honestly, some people don’t deserve to have kids; just popping them out left right and centre to claim benefits. I’m sick of my high earning DH’s taxes being wasted on stuff like keeping old people alive and raising the next generation.

YABU to celebrate your birthday as an adult though, I mean what kind of self centred narcissist does that? Birthdays are actually only milestones until 21 and everything after that is just getting closer to death. Bet you’re one of those tramps who invites everyone to a special meal and doesn’t cover the entire bill. Disgusting.

(I LOVE THIS THREAD)

how wonderful
give them your big double bed, in the main bedroom
wear an apron at all times

THIS!

Clearly a freeloader who wants a big party and a fancy meal out without paying a penny. Anyway birthdays are sexist misogynistic constructs they only serve to supply gross men an excuse to buy “sexy” lingerie for their ADULT wives. If your husband is supporting this ridiculous idea you need to ask yourself why? Check the bank statements op I guarantee he’s paying for onlyfans filth!

(I too, love this thread 🤣)

Thanks for your great and thoughtful responses. I will send DS down the coal mine and hire an au pair to do the GF washing as a compromise. We will take it in turns to cook.

(Won't be Liz Truss, my washer dryer is a bit complex.)

should i make brown rice even though i know dh doesnt want it

You don’t have a rice problem you have a husband problem
ltb

@Futuristik sorry this is happening to you
I think you should tell your DS that it's you or his GF, he can't have both. Don't be a wimp! My DS is now 47 and we're perfectly happy.

Rice? Bit racist.

Have you considered the mythical Mumsnet chicken? So basically you buy one medium sized whole chicken, you roast it (if you can afford to run the oven) then you make it last for 40 days and 40 nights, for 18 people. Someone has to say the bum end for 6 days and the seasoning in the original recipe is homophobic but other than that it’s great!

I am colour blind and it is massively insensitive of your to crow about your ability to see the different colours of food. No wonder your DH doesn't want to eat your cooking. You should be grateful he hasn't left you for someone with a bit more tact and sensitivity. Stop with the me, me, me and make him a nice meal of beige waffles and chicken nuggets. (no brightly coloured ketchup or peas because that would be just hurtful)

Honestly, no wonder people think this place if full of vipers

So basically my best friend booked an all inclusive, 2 week, five star trip to a resort in Bora Bora, she’s paid for everything and says it’s her gift to me. AIBU to think this is really cheeky? She didn’t even ask me what seat I wanted on the plane, hasn’t paid for extra luggage and has organised it during a month I have nothing to do so was planning on doing nothing? I’ve ignored her text but she’s knocked the door and left a card and flowers saying she can’t wait to spend time with her best friend. It’s not on is it?

See, I was thinking wtaf until you said she left flowers. What kind of arsehole would leave flowers outside the door? You could have fallen over them, or someone could have stolen them. Also, it looks like you are out so you could have been burgled. Your so called friend is batshit. Get rid.

Rice?! Posts like this make me despair for the health of our nation. No wonder we have an obesity crisis! I have a teaspoon of rice as a treat every Christmas but that’s it, and it keeps me full for days.

Bora Bora? Really? This is her not very subtle way of telling you she finds you boring. She is not your friend.

All inclusive? God, how tacky. If any of my friends tried to make me do such a thing I’d have to go No Contact. And then she actually went and left you flowers too? What if you were allergic to flowers and the flowers triggered a huge sneezing fit and you fell over and broke your neck as a result of her attention-seeking ‘gift’? I couldn’t be friends with someone so thoughtless. She’s probably a narcissist. Block her and delete her number, and work on your self esteem so that you can get yourself some better friends who don’t treat you so badly.

i might have to flounce
you are all horrible
and absolutely obsessed with this so called magic mumsnet Chicken
pah
i have never been so insulted

If you're going to flounce, you really should make sure your spelling and grammar is a bit more accurate. Other posters won't understand what you're doing if you don't use full stops and capital letters!

Wow, red flags everywhere, but you already know she's a control freak don't you?
You clearly lack boundaries if you call this person a friend! You need to do some work on yourself, perhaps at a 5* resort in Bora-Bora? Earn your own self-respect by getting hold of, and disappearing her passport whilst she's in the loo at the airport and board the plane on your own. Stand up for yourself!

Honestly I’m just despairing for the environment, selfish, wasteful, throw away holidays like this. I mean if you HAVE to go to Bora Bora you could build your own boat out of recycled materials and sail there in an eco friendly manner.

I mean I wouldn’t personally go on holiday with anyone who thought it was acceptable to murder innocent flowers and leave the carcasses on my doorstep but that’s just me. YANBU to ignore the door, I NEVER answer the door unless it’s an officially booked apt triple confirmed, can never be too safe.

OP you sound like hard work!