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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Checkmate For DD

294 replies

TheShellBeach · 20/10/2022 00:22

Reminiscing...........,,,twenty years on:

I recall when DD was thirteen she told me once that she was ill, so I let her have the day off school. Despite having had a "terrible headache and awful period pains" she recovered remarkably quickly and I realised by mid-morning that she'd been having me on.

The next day she asked me for a note to give her teacher, so I wrote the following:

"Dear Mrs. X,

DD was absent from school yesterday because she was pretending to be ill. My investigations suggest that this was very likely because she had failed to do her homework the night before.

Yours sincerely,

The Shell Beach"

Mrs. X was delighted with this missive and apparently pinned it on to the wall in the staff room. DD was less delighted when she discovered what I'd written, but she never tried that one on again.

OP posts:
Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:07

TerfQueen · 20/10/2022 10:06

It’s Mumsnet as a whole now! You can’t post anything without absolute morons reading in to every word and coming up with ridiculous scenarios that don’t exist, it’s all fantasist bollocks.

“I’m thinking of buying my first kitten, any advice”

”Obviously you’re going to start breeding cats, I think it’s disgusting. You say you’ll be “buying” the kitten, you’re giving money to the cat farming trade. And when you start breeding you’ll be making money you won’t declare, benefits cheat much? You don’t mention your husband in all of this, that speaks volumes he’s obviously neglecting you and doesn’t care what’s happening in your life, LTB”

literally every thread! The concentration of nutters on here is staggering, all holier than thou armchair psychologists it’s gross.

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I couldn't agree more.

Wombat100 · 20/10/2022 10:08

Peashoots · 20/10/2022 00:50

Oh FGS lighten up everyone. Sometimes kids are arseholes and are given a taste of their own medicine. There’s nothing wrong with this approach, the op didn’t “humiliate” her, if her daughter was embarrassed it was due to her own behaviour. Soft arsed parenting today is why kids are so bloody emotionally fragile and can’t take any criticism.

This.

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:09

Wombat100 · 20/10/2022 10:08

This.

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This with bells on.

ancientgran · 20/10/2022 10:10

EmmaH2022 · 20/10/2022 00:45

Dear TheShellBeach,

Everyone needs to skive occasionally.

I hope your DD found ways to do it that were more fun than being at home woth mum e.g. shagging behind the bike sheds and enjoying a cigarette after.

Yours sincerely

Emma (who enjoyed school but still skived because life is long and tedious and skiving is fun).

So true, as an old lady I'm so glad I enjoyed being a teenager even if I was a bit naughty at times.

Wombat100 · 20/10/2022 10:11

TerfQueen · 20/10/2022 10:06

It’s Mumsnet as a whole now! You can’t post anything without absolute morons reading in to every word and coming up with ridiculous scenarios that don’t exist, it’s all fantasist bollocks.

“I’m thinking of buying my first kitten, any advice”

”Obviously you’re going to start breeding cats, I think it’s disgusting. You say you’ll be “buying” the kitten, you’re giving money to the cat farming trade. And when you start breeding you’ll be making money you won’t declare, benefits cheat much? You don’t mention your husband in all of this, that speaks volumes he’s obviously neglecting you and doesn’t care what’s happening in your life, LTB”

literally every thread! The concentration of nutters on here is staggering, all holier than thou armchair psychologists it’s gross.

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🤣🤣🤣 you’re spot on

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:13

Wombat100 · 20/10/2022 10:11

🤣🤣🤣 you’re spot on

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The only sensible true to life post on MN for a long time.

TerfQueen · 20/10/2022 10:14

Wombat100 · 20/10/2022 10:11

🤣🤣🤣 you’re spot on

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It’s driving me mad 🤣 seems like every AIBU thread has endless replies of nonsense, I don’t understand what’s happened but it’s demented.

BertieQueen · 20/10/2022 10:15

20 years ago?

cool story🙄

ReneBumsWombats · 20/10/2022 10:16

I see more people offended and complaining about the joke not finding universal approval than I see people complaining about the joke.

If everyone around you is a snowflake...who is the snowflake?

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:18

ReneBumsWombats · 20/10/2022 10:16

I see more people offended and complaining about the joke not finding universal approval than I see people complaining about the joke.

If everyone around you is a snowflake...who is the snowflake?

👇

Twillow · 20/10/2022 10:18

I think you did the right thing! Why should we teach our children it's ok to lie?
I generally dislike the term but there are some right snowflake-raising parents on here today...

ancientgran · 20/10/2022 10:18

donttellmehesalive · 20/10/2022 03:42

There's nothing humiliating about catching your dc out in a lie and calling them on it. I'm a teacher and the best kids have parents who aren't afraid to pull them up when they misbehave, demonstrate that they're working with the school and not against it and don't make excuses for poor behaviour.

Unless there's a massive drip feed in which op reveals that that was the beginning of the end of their relationship, or that she's now nc with her dd, I think it's safe to assume that it had the desired affect and is nothing more than a funny story.

If you catch your child out in a lie deal with it at home. The OP actually opted out of parenting. She could have sent her DD in late when she realised she was OK. She could have had a talk with her about crying wolf but no she sent a note to another adult.

I can't see what she did as great parenting.

PurpleWisteria1 · 20/10/2022 10:19

Hercisback · 20/10/2022 06:52

Parenting in the past is why my generation is so affected by mental health crisis.

Have you seen the stats for MH in teenagers now?

Because now you can talk about it. Then you couldn’t! Surely that’s obvious!

Endlesslysurprised84 · 20/10/2022 10:19

Who needs enemies when you have a mother like this

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:20

Endlesslysurprised84 · 20/10/2022 10:19

Who needs enemies when you have a mother like this

Don't be so ridiculous!

ReneBumsWombats · 20/10/2022 10:20

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:18

👇

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What?

Endlesslysurprised84 · 20/10/2022 10:20

DD was less delighted when she discovered what I'd written, but she never tried that one on again.

you are shockingly naive op

your DD now knows her mother has the knives out for her. She will just be more careful in the future. And I wish her well

ReneBumsWombats · 20/10/2022 10:21

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:20

Don't be so ridiculous!

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Why are you so offended at the fact that not everyone shares your view on this?

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:22

ReneBumsWombats · 20/10/2022 10:21

Why are you so offended at the fact that not everyone shares your view on this?

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I am not offended at all. I just think your comment was stupid

cheninblanc · 20/10/2022 10:22

My dad did something similar to me. I'm a very well rounded adult who never once thought it was humiliation, I laugh now and tell the story. Even at the time I wasn't humiliated nor was any trust broken. Teenagers feelings do not have to be spared at all expense and better to learn being caught out in the safety of a parent and school

Weirdlynormal · 20/10/2022 10:22

Crickey, some people need to lighten up.

ReneBumsWombats · 20/10/2022 10:23

Stangerthings · 20/10/2022 10:22

I am not offended at all. I just think your comment was stupid

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You were responding to someone else.

Stupid, you say....

Whoputtheramintheramalamadingdong · 20/10/2022 10:25

Wombat100 · 20/10/2022 10:11

🤣🤣🤣 you’re spot on

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So true. On a thread the other day a poor woman was accused of stealing when asking if it'd be ok to take unwanted items left outside a clothes bank as she was struggling to clothe her dc's. I said I sometimes leave unwanted clothes outside charity shops when I can't get there during the day and would be happy for someone in need to take the stuff. Within 2 seconds I was then (as I expected) accused of "fly-tipping" and warned I will probably be arrested soon as it will have been caught in camera! 😂

cheninblanc · 20/10/2022 10:26

Endlesslysurprised84

Knives out for her? Really! I think that's way over the top

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/10/2022 10:26

Oh lighten up everyone. Her DD was on the skive and she called her out on it. Hardly 'humiliating' her in public.

I skived off a couple of days fn New Year term (doing A levels) in 1990 by telling my Mum college didn't start back until a couple of days after it did. Couldn't do it the following year though as she was working at the college by then.

I did admit it to her about 5 years ago (I'm 48 now) and I think it's one of the few times she's been lost for words....