Checkmate For DD

[TheShellBeach]

Reminiscing...........,,,twenty years on:

I recall when DD was thirteen she told me once that she was ill, so I let her have the day off school. Despite having had a "terrible headache and awful period pains" she recovered remarkably quickly and I realised by mid-morning that she'd been having me on.

The next day she asked me for a note to give her teacher, so I wrote the following:

"Dear Mrs. X,

DD was absent from school yesterday because she was pretending to be ill. My investigations suggest that this was very likely because she had failed to do her homework the night before.

Yours sincerely,

The Shell Beach"

Mrs. X was delighted with this missive and apparently pinned it on to the wall in the staff room. DD was less delighted when she discovered what I'd written, but she never tried that one on again.

Its definitely not. These days they are asking for rabbit holes to be blocked up in the school field to prevent the little snowflakes falling over I wonder which method is best

As this thread shows standards have gone to pot, this country once frequented by upstanding citizens who valued an education is now full of shirkers and skivers. No wonder we are being caught up by China and India where education is valued rules obeyed and discipline supported by the parents. Your letter was excellent op but expected that the Mumsnet wokerati would be up in arms complaining about actually enforcing discipline.

Not everyone is parenting in the same way now, far from it. Gentle parenting is not that common.
But if someone is saying that gentle parenting is causing for children to be "so bloody emotionally fragile" that's simply not true. Gentle parenting doesn't mean permissive parenting. In essence it means that all feelings are good, but not all behaviours are. In OP's example humiliation is not a right response to her daughter's behaviour and can cause a lot of resentment. Maybe she was lucky and it didn't. Bit it's a risky game.

What would 'having her back' look like in this situation?

Pretending you didn't notice the lie?

Refusing to believe that she lied and convincing yourself she made a quick recovery?

Accepting that she lied but dealing with it privately and telling the school that she was ill?

Some parents tie themselves in knots to cover up for their children. I don't remember the last time I told a parent their child had done something wrong and had them agree. It is almost always the fault of the school, the other child or something else. I am sure they think they've got their child's back but really they create children who can't accept criticism, can't accept that anything is their fault and are emotionally fragile. Talk to secondary school staff to find out whether children today are more or less resilient than they used to be.

This is great for 7am

Blimey. Time for me to well and truly flounce off mumsnet. OP I hope you feel terrible about the deep psychological damage you’ve caused your daughter. I hope she’s having intensive therapy for all you’ve done. You know it’s truly terrible. You HUMILIATED her. You, AN ADULT.

you definitely didn’t teach her that fibbing sometimes has embarrassing consequences. You traumatised her.

”you do you then”
”flouncers corner dear”
*inserts all the predictable emojis that accompany these

I don't know what the point was of this OP. Were you just looking for applause?

Pinned on staff room noticeboard?
I'm guessing 30+ years ago?

I’m guessing that pinning on a staff notice board was the 2002 equivalent of, “and then they all clapped”.

I’m giving this one a duck-in-a-tree score of 3.

Urgh. I used to have appalling stomach pains regularly through school. Looking back, I suspect they were abdominal migraines and stress related. Mum never believed me. It was one of the many things that contributed to the crap relationship I now have with her.

Indeed. Although even in 2002 staff would not have been allowed to do this, so maybe the anecdote is from the 80s?

Also, there are no notes nowadays.
Absences are notified and recorded in a completely different way.

I meant to add, even 20 years ago..,.

I think that was brilliant.

Lol I thought it was funny. In the 80s we were sent to school if our heads were hanging off. No days off for periods etc, mind you I think that's why I used to bunk off instead haha

Doesn't this happen in Adrian Mole? He stays in bed until lunchtime then asks his mother to write him a note for school. She does and it says "Adrian is late for school because he didn't get out of bed until lunchtime."

Hahahah yes! Love AM!

Adrian Mole was funny.

Good lord, the po faced brigade are out in force today 🙄

I think it's brilliant!

Jesus christ some people got out of bed the wrong way today.

Yes there are a lot of mental health problems in teenagers and young adults nowadays but I suspect it's more to do with social media as opposed to a note written by their mothers years ago.

I thought it was funny op and I bet she thought twice about doing it again!

Exactly what I was thinking! Kids now are far more damaged than we ever were…

TheShellBeach That’s a fab sick note, try to ignore all the hand wringing responses on here. I imagine you have a great relationship with your dd now.

Wow, just wow! Some of the responses are just beyond belief. Child lies, child gets caught out, child faces consequences. Life lesson learnt. Rules enforced, child knows the boundaries. No lasting damage.

Also a 13 year old is definitely responsible for their own homework.

I also think the note is genius and funny and I'm now hoping one of my dc tries a stunt like this so I can write something similar!

MH is something that we talk about much more these days, though.

I don't think you can compare statistics because even when I was at school twenty years ago, it was really taboo to struggle with your mental health.

I'm glad it's much easier for kids to open up these days 🤷🏻‍♀️