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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is the worst advice ever...

84 replies

queen957 · 19/10/2022 20:33

"Sleep when the baby sleeps"

When the baby is asleep, it's the only time I get to actually get stuff done e.g. cooking, cleaning, having a shower! Or sometimes, I just want to sit and catch up on my favourite shows or have a scroll on my phone.

Anyone else agree?

OP posts:
Cinders88 · 19/10/2022 20:35

Agreed! And, if only it was so easy to nap on command anyway 🤷‍♀️

luxxlisbon · 19/10/2022 20:36

I mean it’s hardly the worst advise ever. I only had a shower in the evening so DH had baby. It took months for longer naps and I couldn’t fall asleep easily but I made sure to rest while the baby slept.
To me, my ‘job’ on maternity leave was to care for our child, not to kill myself cooking and cleaning while they slept even though I had been up most of the night.

HousePlantNeglect · 19/10/2022 20:37

I hated this advice too. Particularly since my babies didn’t sleep for more than 45 mins at a time for months!

midgetastic · 19/10/2022 20:37

If you are exhausted it's great advice

Skip the cooking and cleaning ( house or you ) and tv watching , get your sleep and everything is better

Sexnotgender · 19/10/2022 20:38

It’s not so much the worst advise ever, more irritating as fuck. When the baby was sleeping I’d be doing laundry and trying to eat some food and shower at the same time. If I just slept I’d have starved to death, unwashed and in a filthy home.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 19/10/2022 20:38

Agree; it's only good for people who feel refreshed after 20-40 mins of sleep, who don't need to eat, drink, go to the toilet or put the bin out!

HighlandPony · 19/10/2022 20:39

Half and half. Totally have a shower and have your own time but don’t overdo it in the cooking and cleaning either. Find a happy medium that allows you rest too

NameChangeLifeChange · 19/10/2022 20:40

I followed sleep while your baby sleeps until DC were 2.5 😅 DH and I would clean, do washing etc before he left for work or when he got in in the evening. I’d make a sandwich then sit and feed the baby while I ate it then sleep when they napped. Appreciate DC were fairly easy but I love a day time nap!

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 19/10/2022 20:40

Ooooh I thought it was just me. It IS a stupid thing to say. As you say, most people can't just drop off to sleep on command anyway, AND (as you say,) when the baby is asleep is the only time you get to do certain things!

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 20:40

I managed to sleep at the same time as my dd when she was a baby but I needed longer than she did , so I always felt groggy when she woke me up.

Topgub · 19/10/2022 20:40

I totally slept when ds slept.

Obviously couldn't when dd was a baby as ds was a toddler.

But, yeah, 1 baby. 100%

Everything else could wait

ThingsIhavelearnt · 19/10/2022 20:41

Husband or partner should do all the other stuff and you should sleep

sadly not many partners step up

Sapphire387 · 19/10/2022 20:41

I think it's just a nice way of saying 'try to rest and not overdo it when you have a baby'. It doesn't bother me.

Willbe2under2 · 19/10/2022 20:41

God yes. I can't nap so unless baby sleeps at night I'm not sleeping! Collapse in front of the TV yes, but not nap!

DoodlePug · 19/10/2022 20:42

Yes yes yes.

My baby slept for 90 minutes at a time, mw said that would be around 12 hours a day so plenty of time for me to catch up on sleep. Ffs.

Also as you say it's really just enough time for you to eat, shower, go to the loo, etc. And what exactly do you do with your 2 year old??

Vapeyvapevape · 19/10/2022 20:42

I also did a bit of cleaning, washing etc when she was in her bouncy chair,

Kakiweewee · 19/10/2022 20:45

It just depends on the situation. My youngest's dad left me when I was 7 weeks pregnant, so I had a toddler, a baby and health issues.

I didn't nap every time the baby did, but bedtime for all of us was about 5pm. Couple of shorter naps through the day. Shut myself and the baby and the toddler in the bathroom for a bath all together as it's the only way to wash. Baby bouncer, highchair in the kitchen while I cooked.

I didn't do very much beyond the basics for about six months.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 19/10/2022 20:45

I didn't always, but I think it's good as a new mum to feel you're allowed to rest, and that you don't have to start doing cleaning or other stuff as soon as the baby drops off. Stuff can wait.

DuesToTheDirt · 19/10/2022 20:53

Thing is, if you manage to drop off, they wake up after 5 minutes anyway. If you stay awake, you find they're out for 2 hours...

F4chrissakes · 19/10/2022 20:54

Once upon a time, health visitors called round frequently (no appointment, they just turned up) when you had a new baby. My health visitor gave me the predictable "get your head down when baby goes to sleep". One day she turned up out of the blue (again) and repeated the advice......Yeah, I said, I've resigned myself to never getting out of a dressing gown and living in a tip. And baby and I were asleep just now. I've had to get out of bed to let you in.......and you've woken baby up too!

lovelypidgeon · 19/10/2022 21:02

My DC1 was a terrible sleeper and I got to the stage where I was ready to explode if one more person told me this 'advice', especially of they added 'just...'. I don't think anyone who actually has any idea of how hard it is to have a baby who just doesn't sleep well.

My reality was that if I tried to 'sleep when baby sleeps' I would have just started to fall asleep when baby woke up again. If repeated every time baby tried to sleep this was like a form of torture. I found it better to make a meal/do the washing etc when baby slept in the daytime so that when DH came home from work we could eat before he took over for the evening shift and I had a sleep. 'Sleep whenever there's someone else in the house to watch baby' would have been better advice (provided that everyone else in the house would stfu and let me)

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 19/10/2022 21:02

I never did it, I couldn't nap when they did. But I did use that time to 'rest', whether that was watching tv or reading for a bit.

But also - you can put the baby down and shower while they're awake. You can put them down and make a cup of tea! Don't martyr yourself to the altar of motherhood by never prioritising yourself. You deserve to eat, be clean, and enjoy things other than cooing over your baby!

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 19/10/2022 21:05

I agree with pp, it's just a way of saying "don't forget to look after yourself, take breaks when you can". Which is nice advice IMO.

Picklewicklepickle · 19/10/2022 21:05

God I hated this, um yes but then when do I have a shower or eat some lunch?!

I could never nap when when they were babies as I couldn’t relax constantly thinking I could hear crying 🙈

MargaretThursday · 19/10/2022 21:07

It sounds great when #1 is first born and if they sleep a good few hours during the day.

No good when #2 is born who only sleeps 40 minutes at a time.
Having had 3 children, outside night time I don't think I got two children simultaneously asleep more than two or three times.

But also 40 minutes sleep is just enough time to:

  1. realise they finally have settled.
  2. give them another 5 minutes to check
  3. go to the toilet and have the drink that you made two hours ago.
  4. Start going towards the bed and freeze as you hear a whimper.
  5. Remember that you must put the dishwasher on or you'll have no plates later
  6. Just be leaning back on your bed....
  7. They wake up.

And if you're talking about night times, it sounds a great idea. they go down at 8pm, you go at 8:30pm. They sleep until 6am so that should be fine...
Except you have all the things you needed to do all day but didn't quite get round to because of the little voice saying "mummy, drink," or little hand holding your leg, or appealing eyes wanting a story... and you are also craving some time without said little voice etc, so you need to have a couple of hours to do what you need to do, followed by what you want to do.
Then at 11:30pm you crawl up to bed, realising that 6am is uncomfortably close and promising yourself (as you have done since #2 was born) that tomorrow you will ignore all those things and go as soon as they go to bed. Even as you promise yourself that, you know you won't stick to it... And then they wake at 5am for a special surprise. 🤣 They are fully wide awake.

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