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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is the worst advice ever...

84 replies

queen957 · 19/10/2022 20:33

"Sleep when the baby sleeps"

When the baby is asleep, it's the only time I get to actually get stuff done e.g. cooking, cleaning, having a shower! Or sometimes, I just want to sit and catch up on my favourite shows or have a scroll on my phone.

Anyone else agree?

OP posts:
HideousKinky · 19/10/2022 21:07

I think "sleep when the baby sleeps" is a way of saying prioritise getting sleep over rushing round tidying up

ChicagoBears · 19/10/2022 21:09

I never slept when the babies were sleeping as I was constantly on the go. Washing nappies, cooking dinner, laundry, enjoying the dishwasher, cleaning etc. I whizzed around the place when they slept to get shit done and we were out every single day at classes so no time for sleeping really.

Twokidsanddone · 19/10/2022 21:09

I understood it with DS1. However most of the time it wasn't an option. He was a contact cat napper. Only on me on the sofa and only for 20-30 mins at a time. Wasn't until he was maybe 10 months and started taking longer naps in his bed that I really took advantage of the afternoon naps. DS2 though people still kept saying well you're on maternity leave so at least you can nap when the baby naps. I had a 2 year old with a borderline deathwish and a flair for climbing furniture so there was zero chance of that happening!

doittwice · 19/10/2022 21:09

I followed this advice and it actually helped me function when baby was awake. Our bf Seance would take ages and after that I would have him in one arm and the free arm would collect stuff off the floor or tidy. I would use the sling, get cooking done, sort washing. Dh did help around too and we also had take aways a few days a week which helped. As baby was out the newborn stage, I used the bouncer, travel cot and the play pen. But, if I had a second baby now, the saying wouldn't apply then.

Pl242 · 19/10/2022 21:18

Mine only ever napped whilst strapped on me in a sling and only if I kept walking, so frankly this advice would have been rather dangerous for us all…

Darbs76 · 19/10/2022 21:25

It’s advice I ignored at the time, for same reasons as you state OP. But now I’m older and wiser and my kids are 29, 18 and 14 I do wish I’d have listened and just rested more. My life was pretty stressful back then and I think if I’d have had more sleep it would have helped. I remember thinking when they are teens I’ll be sleeping in all the time. Only now I get up at 5.30 daily as I want to! Lol!

RoachTheHorse · 19/10/2022 21:26

I think I may have had a nervous breakdown if I hadn't done that. My first just hated sleep. So if she did settle I slept when she did. I could do jobs with her strapped to me and awake

HarriwithanI · 19/10/2022 21:28

With my first DS I felt the same, it was the only time to catch up on things but I did have to nap sometimes with him as he was up all night with colic.

when I had DS2 the advice I completely disregarded, there was no chance I was getting a sleep in with a toddler and newborn

Whizzi24 · 19/10/2022 21:29

With my first I did sleep as much as possible when she did, which wasn't very much. She had terrible reflux and sleep was awful until she started on medication. It was the only way to survive. Housework was done by DH.

DC2 I couldn't always nap when she did as had a toddler but I co-slept with her as it was the only way to get any sleep and was actually more rested so didn't need to sleep during the day.

NeverHadANickname · 19/10/2022 21:32

I suppose it depends on what you prioritize. I only napped occasionally but I always put sleep before anything else, without sleep I couldn't function properly but the house would be fine in a mess and DH did more than his fair share of cleaning and cooking.

appleyoudontevenknow · 19/10/2022 21:35

This is actually superb advice. Why can't a load of washing be put on or dinner made while baby is awake? Why must it be reserved for when they're sleeping.

My maternity leave fave thing to do was feed baby to sleep, stare at them for a good 15 mins or so then conk out myself.

HorribleHerstory · 19/10/2022 21:36

I haven’t had a nap in the day since I was a child.

I was usually either out of the house at work, or working in the house when the baby slept, maternity leave never happened for me but that doesn’t mean babies magically slept better or needed less looking after.

as advice it’s not awful but it does assume a very privileged position.

Confusion101 · 19/10/2022 21:36

Total agree. The most impractical irritating piece of "advice"

Spicycurry · 19/10/2022 21:38

The problem with it during the day is that a lot of babies won’t go down for a nap. Mine contact napped only for the first six months or so. Or pram, car seat and so on!

The one time I tried to sleep when baby slept after an early night my wfh husband decided to drill a shelf. I wanted to kill him.

Catflapping · 19/10/2022 21:38

First baby it worked well for me, house didn’t get messy because we didn’t leave the living room in the day, I had lots of preprepared meals and lunches from friends and family. I was breast feeding so no bottles to wash, small changing station next to bed and sofa. So I found it quite easy to sleep when the baby slept. Second baby, no way, too much going on, had to do a school run and care for older child, I couldn’t breast feed because I just didn’t have the time to drop everything and feed on demand so my supply just dried up!

Waitingfordecember · 19/10/2022 21:40

With my first baby it was fantastic advice. DH is more than capable of doing his share of housework so I could catch up on sleep without the house falling apart (and tbh, I’d rather sleep and have a messy house than be sleep deprived 😴).

I’m not sure my toddler will let me nap when his little sibling naps this time around though!

RefuseTheLies · 19/10/2022 21:41

DD1 only napped for 30 mins at a time. It was fucking horrendous. Dd2 is a unicorn - she loves her sleep and has a reliable 3 hour nap every day. She’s 16 months now - I sneak a wee nap in when she’s sleeping too and I love it, but I will literally choose sleep over absolutely any and all other activities including housework and showers.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/10/2022 21:44

I think in the first week or so while you are still recovering from childbirth it's really sound advice. Advice I didn't heed after being awake all night giving birth to DC1. With broken nights feeding after that and refusing to be parted from my baby to nap, I could barely function after a week. My Mum took the baby off me and commanded me to go to bed, on the understanding she'd wake me if he needed me. Which of course he didn't and I felt so much better afterwards. Housework can wait.

Kaliflower · 19/10/2022 21:46

DuesToTheDirt · 19/10/2022 20:53

Thing is, if you manage to drop off, they wake up after 5 minutes anyway. If you stay awake, you find they're out for 2 hours...

THIS!!!

i could not fall asleep easily no matter how tired i was, took ages. By time i was dozing off, BAM! Baby was awake again!!!

Plus i always felt on edge, waiting for them to wake me and me feel all groggy which was worse than not napping at all.

And gaureentee, the times i did try amd nap they would wake.

Wish i could nap as soon as i close my eyes...

Roseinbloom20 · 19/10/2022 21:46

I think it depends on how old the baby is, so if it's a literal newborn then yes I'd sleep when they sleep as I could always get all of my chores done when they were awake as they literally couldn't move so they'd be in their Moses basket or bouncy chair while I did a load of washing or cooked dinner etc. if you're taking 6 months plus then still similar so I'd have a cheeky nap with them but put them in their bouncer and leg then watch me hoover or cook etc. 12m + you can't do much housework solo so yes you'd have to crack on while they sleep but sometimes you could get away with napping with them depending on what you have to do that day. I've always managed to have a nap with mine, especially weekend when dad is home so I wouldn't write off the advice...

EmJay19 · 19/10/2022 21:48

Terrible advice

the amount of time and energy it takes to coordinate is pointless. 20 min nap makes me feel worse.

up and out and fresh air for me

this did work for me from about ) months though when I started to nap with DS

EmJay19 · 19/10/2022 21:48

6 months

BogRollBOGOF · 19/10/2022 21:56

If I was knackered, I'd put on a post-natal hypnotherapy guided meditation CD.
Godsend when heavily pregnant with DS2.

If I fancy a random nap, I'll use guided meditations on youtube and they're great for slipping off for a short, light nap.
I struggle to doze off of my own accord.

Runnerduck34 · 19/10/2022 22:00

Agreed, I could never sleep on demand during the day! Plus there was always too much to do.

Comedycook · 19/10/2022 22:01

I used to sleep when my baby slept. I knew despite how much housework I had to do, that actually the best thing I could do was to sleep. I'm very lucky in that I find it easy to fall asleep