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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A question, mostly for men, how bad ’locker room’ talk really is?

154 replies

Sonervousimgonnathrowup · 19/10/2022 13:21

I guess women can answer too, I’ve certainly have heard some horrible stuff, some men don’t wait to have an all male audience, but I’m guessing men know the real truth.

OP posts:
Onlyforcake · 20/10/2022 15:28

Starts at school, but they learn it from shit men in their lives. Some of the way teen boys discuss women is very disturbing. Those same kids leave school and find like minded arseholes quick enough.

Unfortunately I dont think they want to stop. They think they'll never get hurt for it . Unfortunately women who go about just ignoring men and not wanting to listen to their vile ramblings know full well they will get hurt, usually starting at school for calling it out.

2boysDad · 20/10/2022 16:27

Well since you ask...

When I get together with friends we talk about all sorts of stuff, it's a load of crap to think that all men do when they get together is talk about women.

I think men discuss things in more direct and crude terms than women, nothing wrong with that just a difference in approach. What a group of blokes talk about in private is up to them, no-one else's business. I think it's a big mistake to start poking into people's private whats app groups and conversations. Lots of people have a filthy/edgy sense of humour - women just as much as men and what can be funny in one context sounds terrible when taken out of that context.

I doubt there's a single (straight) man alive who hasn't had a conversation ranking women by their looks. It's not a big-deal and it's certainly isn't "misogyny". It's just human nature. It'll never change.

So that's my opinion on "locker-talk".

Hope this is useful although I am of course only one man and not necessarily representative of the other 4 billion.

waterlego · 20/10/2022 16:33

I think men discuss things in more direct and crude terms than women, nothing wrong with that just a difference in approach. What a group of blokes talk about in private is up to them, no-one else's business.

Yeah, like those Met Police colleagues and pals of Wayne Couzens who joked about ‘struggle snuggles’ and gave their colleague the nickname ‘The Rapist’. All just lolsome banter. No one else’s business.

Eunoia · 20/10/2022 16:40

2boysDad · 20/10/2022 16:27

Well since you ask...

When I get together with friends we talk about all sorts of stuff, it's a load of crap to think that all men do when they get together is talk about women.

I think men discuss things in more direct and crude terms than women, nothing wrong with that just a difference in approach. What a group of blokes talk about in private is up to them, no-one else's business. I think it's a big mistake to start poking into people's private whats app groups and conversations. Lots of people have a filthy/edgy sense of humour - women just as much as men and what can be funny in one context sounds terrible when taken out of that context.

I doubt there's a single (straight) man alive who hasn't had a conversation ranking women by their looks. It's not a big-deal and it's certainly isn't "misogyny". It's just human nature. It'll never change.

So that's my opinion on "locker-talk".

Hope this is useful although I am of course only one man and not necessarily representative of the other 4 billion.

I don't know if you're looking for a reaction here but it IS misogyny to degrade, demoralize and dehumanize women - even when "joking".

Despite 5 pages of women stating how disgusting and inappropriate they find this kind of talk towards their own gender, you have still come on to post about how it's 'not a big deal'.

What kind of response were you looking for, exactly?

2boysDad · 20/10/2022 16:44

Eunoia · 20/10/2022 16:40

I don't know if you're looking for a reaction here but it IS misogyny to degrade, demoralize and dehumanize women - even when "joking".

Despite 5 pages of women stating how disgusting and inappropriate they find this kind of talk towards their own gender, you have still come on to post about how it's 'not a big deal'.

What kind of response were you looking for, exactly?

Show quote history

OP asked for mens opinions, I provided mine. That's it.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 20/10/2022 16:47

That Kind of talk has started at DC school year 5.
I reported it and didn't get any response and yet safeguarding elsewhere says do not accept such talk as " boys banter".

Replace females with race....would be a powder keg.

Eunoia · 20/10/2022 16:49

2boysDad · 20/10/2022 16:44

OP asked for mens opinions, I provided mine. That's it.

Show quote history

OP didn't ask for your opinion on whether or not it's misogynistic - she asked just how bad the conversations get.

Read the room. That's it.

Benjispruce4 · 20/10/2022 16:53

@TheHouseonHauntedHill it happened at my school in year 6. Some foul ‘banter’ from boys towards a girl and what they were going to do to her. It was taken very seriously, suspension, parents involved etc.

Oblomov22 · 20/10/2022 16:54

I can't say I've ever heard any bad stuff like ThatsTooFantastic posted.

Naunet · 20/10/2022 16:56

2boysDad · 20/10/2022 16:27

Well since you ask...

When I get together with friends we talk about all sorts of stuff, it's a load of crap to think that all men do when they get together is talk about women.

I think men discuss things in more direct and crude terms than women, nothing wrong with that just a difference in approach. What a group of blokes talk about in private is up to them, no-one else's business. I think it's a big mistake to start poking into people's private whats app groups and conversations. Lots of people have a filthy/edgy sense of humour - women just as much as men and what can be funny in one context sounds terrible when taken out of that context.

I doubt there's a single (straight) man alive who hasn't had a conversation ranking women by their looks. It's not a big-deal and it's certainly isn't "misogyny". It's just human nature. It'll never change.

So that's my opinion on "locker-talk".

Hope this is useful although I am of course only one man and not necessarily representative of the other 4 billion.

Well thank you male, for letting us silly women know that when men talk about raping us, choking us, having sex with minors and ‘destroying’ us, it’s not misogyny, and actually it’s perfectly fine to dehumanise women. 🙄

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 20/10/2022 16:57

@Benjispruce4

As it should but people/parent's/school don't always understand/agree/have the will to say

No.

Naunet · 20/10/2022 16:58

waterlego · 20/10/2022 16:33

I think men discuss things in more direct and crude terms than women, nothing wrong with that just a difference in approach. What a group of blokes talk about in private is up to them, no-one else's business.

Yeah, like those Met Police colleagues and pals of Wayne Couzens who joked about ‘struggle snuggles’ and gave their colleague the nickname ‘The Rapist’. All just lolsome banter. No one else’s business.

Yeah total bantz for the lads. Us silly women are just being over emotional about it, and don’t forget, we’re just as bad of course…

Benjispruce4 · 20/10/2022 17:09

@TheHouseonHauntedHill schools have very clear guidelines around safeguarding these day and that would be classed as child on child sexual abuse.

LexMitior · 20/10/2022 17:09

@EnjoythemoneyJane - yes men at work can be unbelievably crude and unpleasant about their wives. Whenever someone on here talks about their nice husband, I recall these conversations that you overhear in the pub. Apparently they love their wives, but it doesn't sound like it.

TheHouseonHauntedHill · 20/10/2022 17:15

Well.... only if someone wants to pick it up. Your example is stronger than what I'm thinking about.
However I would certainly speak about it if it was raised , not so DC school.
I wonder if everyone does same safe guarding training?

mycatisannoying · 20/10/2022 17:19

I'm sorry, but no way are women as bad.

mycatisannoying · 20/10/2022 17:23

@Naunet

And I think it's a bizarre world view to blame men for being a virgin at 36.
Be a virgin, own it, that's your choice. But not all men out there are assholes!

Benjispruce4 · 20/10/2022 17:27

@TheHouseonHauntedHill yes it’s mandatory training and awareness for ALL school staff.

MidnightMeltdown · 20/10/2022 17:35

I once stumbled across a male dominated forum on a fitness website

One guy was having casual sex with a women, but could tell that she really wanted a relationship.

The advice from all the other men?

Keep fucking the silly bitch for as long as you can get away with

LadyLothbrook · 20/10/2022 17:43

All of the above and more. Squaddies were the worst (ex was serving) Heard of some of the horrific practices they get up to on tour in Belize, Iraq, Canada etc. Mainly using and abusing women. One year they had fun telling women mid sex they had aids and gripping onto their hips when they tried to wriggle free. 'Ride of your life' apparently. Heard one guy talking about 'smashing his birds arse with a vibrator and sent her limping to SCHOOL! It was seriously vilest stuff and I couldn't keep my mouth shut around them. Looking back I was often in a vulnerable position sat their listening to them but my partner was 'well respected' so I was never touched. Not all men...but a fucking lot. Current DH in a WhatsApp group chat about lads trip to Ibiza, the misogyny is horrific. We have daughters. After trying hard to ignore he finally left the whatsapp group when of the men sent a gif of a woman being fisted resulting in a rectal prolapse. He was horrified and had intrusive thoughts about it afterwards. He's not spoken to any of them since. These are men in their forties and fifties !

LadyLothbrook · 20/10/2022 17:44

Sat there* sorry.

Benjispruce4 · 20/10/2022 17:48

I actual think this thread needs to stop. The details given by some are vile and I’m sure are fuelling the depraved desires of some.

Eunoia · 20/10/2022 17:51

Benjispruce4 · 20/10/2022 17:48

I actual think this thread needs to stop. The details given by some are vile and I’m sure are fuelling the depraved desires of some.

I think it's informative. A famous quote by Germaine Greer is “Women have very little idea of how much men hate them". It's important that women know the depths of how men speak about us.

LexMitior · 20/10/2022 17:51

@LadyLothbrook - yes the idea that men have daughters and this makes for empathy for women is not necessarily true either. I had a revealing conversation with a member of the RMP once, who said both his wife and his daughter was pig ugly. He doubted anyone would fuck his daughter. Drunk but seriously, I just left the bar. What can you say to a man like that?

Very responsible job and senior man.

Benjispruce4 · 20/10/2022 17:52

It’s the details though. We all know there are trolls out there that prime posters to share intimate details and stories.

Swipe left for the next trending thread