A question, mostly for men, how bad ’locker room’ talk really is?

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I guess women can answer too, I’ve certainly have heard some horrible stuff, some men don’t wait to have an all male audience, but I’m guessing men know the real truth.

@Naunet absolutely, the attempted comparison is just LUDICROUS

Exactly, women are just as filthy , especially when the wine gets flowing.

Think it's still awful, I have a few 'blokey' friends who say all sorts of kind-of-joking stuff at the pub so hate to think what they say when they're alone. However, they are all decent guys and respectful to women (if not about them) so I think they just haven't grown up.

Was out a few years ago with 2 close female friends and their DH. All DH went to the bar together then later that night my DH tells me how shocked he was about the comments the other 2 made about the barmaid. I would never have believed it of either of them.

Careful, you didn’t say Not All Women - or is that reserved only for men?

Its not about being “filthy” it’s about the level of sexual violence.

I’m a woman but one time in the weights section of the gym I heard a guy who looked at least 30 bragging about how he’d slept with a 15 year old. I never went back to the weights section of that gym.

I agree. All that talk of sexually explicit and borderline violent acts we'd like to do to men coupled with the real actual violence we do to men every day, often killing them in the process.

Yes it's absolutely comparable

My brother is in a group chat with tradesmen from the same site they all work on. It is awful. Racism, that is rarely called out, and when it is is justified as banter and how unreasonable ypu are considered for being offended. The sexist comments are truly vile. Along the lines of, whenever a high profile rape case is on the media ' yeah, but how many women do we know who have lied ? Probably loved it then regretted it'. Jokes about killing their girlfriends, gleefully listing how many times they've cheated on their wives etc. And this isn't rare, it's a few times a week in passing. Sharing nudes is another. Naked photos of women being passed around.

My brother had to leave the chat because he was constantly arguing against these morons, and it was impacting him mentally.

It's sad when you realise just how many men it is... #notallmenbutalot

My closest girlfriends and I were pretty filthy mouthed when we were younger. We once had an older gentleman tell us in a shocked voice 'you girls are filth' as he was leaving.

We used to talk about how much we fancied men and exactly what we'd like them to do to us. It was graphic but never violent. More 'I'd let him fuck me until I couldn't walk' kind of stuff. And we used the word cunt frequently.

We never never had any discussion of humiliating men, hurting them, or anything remotely dangerous.

Amongst my wider friendship group we were known for being pretty extreme in our sexyally explicit language.

Women just do not talk about men in the same way. We don't fantasise about damaging their bodies to breaking point through overuse. We don't get turned on thinking about shagging their corpses. We just don't.

The very occasional woman will, obviously some people are tbh broken and their words show it.

But as a class our sexually crude talk is much more geared towards wanting men to do extreme things to us.

Those who think women are just as bad... how many times have you heard women saying things akin to 'I'd like to chopped his head off and squirt down his throat'? Never? No. Didn't think so.

My son goes to the local gym and tells me that often the men in the hot tub rate the women around the pool out of 10 and laugh at those who don’t have the right body shape. I think men mostly talk about sport or other women when they are together whereas women tend to talk about other women or their husbands/boyfriends.

My DP is a firefighter and some of the comments he's heard are disgusting. It seem to be far worse when one dickhead starts it and one or two others then follow suit and it descends from there.

The first watch he joined were the worst and it got to the point he hated going to work as he had to listen to the 'banter' for 13hr shifts. The comments made about young schoolgirls got to him in particular and the way the driver would aim to splash their uniforms then the obvious comments would start.
There was a lad who had a one night stand (cheated on his gf) with someone who turned out to be no older than 15, quite probably younger. Cue hilarious laughter about it and what a massive slag she must be. If she's already shagging around then it makes no difference she's under age and it's not like he's a paedo 🙄.
Many many affairs going on including at the station itself. Most men he works with cheat regularly and it's discussed in great detail including what STDs they've picked up and hopefully not passed to their wives.

Complaining about their banter got him disciplined for not declaring his 'disability'. He has Aspergers but I wouldn't say it's particularly noticeable other than he's not 'blokey'. He was reported for not knowing how to take a joke so he obviously must have something wrong with him.
He tried to transfer and had it blocked. Ended up having to raise a grievance to get a transfer. He's so much happier now he's working with less twats but there's still some. His new manager is a lot more on the ball with complaints and keeping behaviour in check. Most of the managers are friends with these wankers though so tackling the issues means they lose face and they'd rather act like they're still one of the lads.

I have one or each and feel a sense of despair for my daughter but also for my son. He is 7 and a delight but I find myself worrying about the kind of man he will become despite my best efforts. I think about this every time I encounter awful men. They were once sweet 7 year olds. How and why does it go so wrong along the way? I know it’s societal and I don’t know how we can change it.

Not all 7 year olds are sweet(I work with that age group) and it starts in the home. They need a good male role model.

I've probably led a sheltered existence, but have genuinely never heard anything more than "wow, she's fit" in locker rooms or elsewhere. I've spent quite a lot of time in locker rooms too - rowing, running, cycling, swimming, triathlon. Men there mostly talk about their next competition, previous events, injuries, diets, kit, pro sport.

Granted but I don’t think many 7 year old boys are violent, misogynistic and capable of using the most appalling language about women. However some grow up to become this. I know several awful men who grew up in homes with decent male role models in the shape of their dad or other male relatives. So while I agree home life is a factor there is a wider issue.

I frequent a male dominated forum for fitness & body building.

Yes, it is disturbing.

I'm glad I read it so I know what the worst of men think, how they think etc.

I'd encourage any woman to read stuff like that. Because a good percentage of the male population thinks like that, abdcwgebbyou know you can see it in their actions and behaviour too.

Exactly. You only have to look as far as Reddit and see some of the subs on there (either still there or now banned) like Strugglefuck and Beatingwomen. You won’t find the equivalent set up by women, talking about raping and beating men.

I played sport at medical. The men's teams were horrifying as a pack but I didn't realise it at the time...so naive... They would threaten to rape us, they would chant and sing about it on nights out, they had t-shirts made up "theRAPISTS of the future". All in plain sight. I don't know what they needed to do in private when they got away with that in public. I remember one guy, when they were away on tour, said he was going to rape a girl (not part of our group), she told the police they took it very seriously. It made me think, maybe it's not normal for someone to say that to you, and also at the same time, why is she making such a big deal about it? I had some growing up to do myself.

I'd rather not know🤣

@Eastie77Returns i wasn’t saying they would say things like that but you see aggressive tendencies and disrespect towards female teachers even at that age.

I have been in badminton, running and indoor 5-a-side football teams for decades - shared saunas and showers with team mates and I really never heard very much that was objectionable - it's all down to the company you keep. I heard far worst things teaching teenage lads when I taught 11-18 - mainly 11-16 - the language used points to exposure to hard core porn.

Only imho but I think it’s worse now than ever. The 1970’s weren’t the most PC times ever but you never even heard about things that are commonplace now.

My first husband was in a mediumly successful rock band in the mid 70’s and you used to hear a few unpleasant comments about blowjobs, groupies etc but nobody ever talked about ‘destroying’ women or choking them.

I guess things just have to keep getting more extreme but there seems to be less focus on actual sex and more on degrading, hurting and humiliating women. I’m glad I’m old!

Women can be pretty ribald, but I've never heard any light-hearted banter about sexual violence

Yes women are angels.

As a transman
I have had the misfortune of witnessing both sides of this.

Growing up I saw men catcall and hear stories of mend misogyny

But nothing prepared me for the reality, The open bragging way many men will share intimate photos and details of their sex lives
The double standard that the woman they took home was a ‘slur’ but the fact that they’ve slept with hundreds makes them a god.

The rating of women, or their specific features, any holes a goal,

I was once stranded at a bus depot after my bus failed to show up and they agreed to bring me home along with a woman who was also waiting for my bus.
So two male drivers boarded the bus with us,
Very pleasant, until the woman got off at her stop at which point one commented on the ‘state’ of her
And the other replied that ‘you don’t have to look at the face when you’re poking the fire’
They then proceeded to ask if I had a girlfriend and whether I had any pictures/videos

Having said that.
Having also been in female only spaces, there’s a lot more two faced bitching among friends. And sex is still a hot topic
Plenty of women will complain their men don’t satisfy them or are ‘tiny’
And you can bet these same women tell their men they’re wonderful and size doesn’t matter.

Society is the issue
The pressure to brag, sound impressive, be liked.
To appear masculine for fear of rejection.

I’m gay and often get treated as one of the ‘lads’ so often hear stuff that no straight bloke would usually say in front of women they know.
Put it this way, I’m glad I’m gay and glad I don’t have to put up with half the bullshit guys get up to! Esp when they had girlfriends but weren’t actually married.

My husband is a coach driver, private hire type stuff. School trips, holidays etc. the average age of his work mates is probably 44-47 ish. I asked him what the staff room is like in his place, is 99% male and the only female staff work in the office so don't mix with the drivers. He said that no men are inappropriate about women when they are all mixed in on their break. Nobody brags about sex. Nobody demeans women, most of the men their are married. It may also help that the owners are religious and older than Methuselahs donkey. I don't doubt that it DOES happen but maybe between younger members of the staff in smaller groups. The older men do 100% police the "tone" and my haha would for sure pull somebody up for showing pictures of his sex partners jizz covered face.