A question, mostly for men, how bad ’locker room’ talk really is?

[Sonervousimgonnathrowup]

I guess women can answer too, I’ve certainly have heard some horrible stuff, some men don’t wait to have an all male audience, but I’m guessing men know the real truth.

I'm not disputing that some men are horrific but I don't think you can extrapolate like that. I also frequent Pistonheads and other car forums and whilst they used to be terrible (full of knuckle dragging idiots), there's a notable increase in push back.

For example, there was a thread on here about Andrew Tate a while ago and coincidentally there's been one on Pistonheads recently too. Almost universally he's been condemned with perhaps one or two fighting his cause. This wouldn't have happened 10 years ago.

Other than that, I'd say you get the same BS as here. Racism and privilege being constant battles because so many still refuse to accept/acknowledge etc.

You're delusional.
Rating women out of ten is the mildest of their misogyny. I've been on building sites & witnessed men show eachother private photos/videos of their female partners. My partner informed me it's not uncommon.

Are the women in these videos and photos aware they are being taken?

I work in a uniformed service. The men - mostly under 35 are fucking horrible about women. Always talking about them in a derogatory way, awful.

Some posters in FWR will talk about 'men as a class' getting their act together. I get why they do this, but I don't know how realistic or practical it is. We're not all on a single massive WhatsApp group.

@NightmareSlashDelightful Thank you, you've made a good point, let's not tar everyone with the same brush. I think (some) women can be just as bad.

So men like to do these awful things to women for their own gratification, presumably they don’t care if men friends do this to a woman that is their daughter or granddaughter. It’s all just gross.

My DP works in the Sports Industry, I've seen some of the Whatsapp chats and it's absolutely vile.

That's not really what I'm saying tbh

I don't think women can be just as bad. (Well, I mean, they can, but it's very rare.) And for context, I'm saying this as a man who has been both raped (by a man) and sexually assaulted (by a group of women). So I do think I've got an angle on this.

What I'm saying — and I don't know the answer to this one — is that any classification of half the humans on the planet is perhaps a bit open-ended and broad for any useful action. That said, I 100% understand why the classification occurs, especially in the context of the FWR board. Why wouldn't it.

That's not the same as saying no action needs to be taken, in certain circumstances.

@NightmareSlashDelightful I'm sorry you've had such awful experiences, thank you for clarifying.

Reading threads like this is horrific and reminds me why I'm still a virgin at 36. I'd like to have someone special whom I could have safe, loving sex with, however the fact so many men are like this makes it feel almost impossible.

I remember being shocked once going out with a colleague who seemingly forget that I was a woman and starting talking drunkenly about imaginary sex acts between our female bosses. At the time I said nothing, just laughed and went along with it, but now I look back and think, how gross and disrespectful.

Porn has become so much rougher, too, and I think that really separates men who don't watch it from those who do, to the point that those who do are disinhibited and often inappropriate as they have developed - not sure if brain damage is quite the word, but they've rewired their brains to view women as objects of violence. I feel like I can spot a porn addict quite easily (My ex brother in law springs to mind) and they are revolting to be around.

Having said that I also know of men who find it horrific and one who developed quite bad anxiety/depression from constantly listening to two-way radio discussions about women at work that were misogynistic. If you live or work in that environment as a bloke and don't view women in that way you can feel quite alienated, I imagine.

I worry about my sons. I wish more men would speak up.

Is this the only reason you're still a virgin at 36? Sounds quite odd to avoid relations with every man on earth because of the actions of a few.

A few?! Why is such aggressive porn so popular then?

Well, it’s clearly not just few. At all.

I don’t think it’s odd actually.
Takes a long time to even meet ok looking, relatively nice man in the first place.
And then to get to actually know him and see what his about.

The level of sexual violence? It's just talk, the blokes saying this stuff don't act it out. It's cringeworthy and immature, but how is a private conversation violent?

Most of the stuff I've heard men say has been more male stuff, directed at other men - workplace banter (bullying if you're sensitive to it) between each other.

And what I've found is that blokes don't talk seriously/genuinely with each other about sexual stuff in any depth at all - it goes no further than a bit of jokey banter. Women on the other hand, tend to talk to each other far more openly, honestly and frankly about sexual stuff than men tend to. Discussing intimate details of their sex lives in graphic detail - comparing partners, ex partners etc.

I’ve heard men talking about women in a derogatory way but I’ve also heard groups of women doing the same.

So there’s no problem with the Strugglefuck subreddit for example? Are you for real? Or maybe the Jailbait one that was closed down, but not before being rated the best subreddit in 2008?

I didn’t say words were violence by the way, but nice try in your defence of these scumbag men.

My boys 8 and 5 are so sweet and innocent, their dad is genuinely one of the good ones, and I'm scared to send them out into the world to potentially be like this through no fault of my own and with all the good teachings I can possibly give them..

I think you're making excuses.

I think it's obvious that women can be pretty foul mouthed.

This doesn't tend to lead to the murder of two men per week in the uk at the hands of women.

The other way round however ...

Perhaps although I'd bet most do it with the intention of no one viewing it but their partner

I think a very high percentage of men (even ones I’m friends with or related to) can be utter pigs when it comes to this kind of stuff.

Working in a male-dominated industry I’ve seen and heard all sorts - one particularly memorable evening in the pub after work I heard a colleague (educated, relatively senior) talk about having sex with his lovely and heavily pregnant wife (who also worked at the company, so these were her colleagues too). He said when he fucked her he wasn’t far off being able to get his dick sucked by his unborn baby at the same time.

He had the sense to look embarrassed when he realised I’d heard him, but I’ll never forget his face or the circle of fucking morons guffawing with him. I regarded every one of them as ocean-going pieces of shit thereafter, and felt such pity for his wife that he had so little love or respect for her. She’d have been devastated if she knew.

I think it’s the usual male bullshit of establishing hierarchy and bonding at the same time, backslaps for the ones who can be the grossest and most macho, no tolerance for anyone showing ‘weakness’ or sensitivity. Which is also why there’s a general reluctance amongst their peers to call it out.

At least I pray and hope it’s that, because the alternative is too frightening and horrifying to contemplate - that it’s exactly as Germaine Greer once said, “Women have very little idea of how much men hate them”, and that to many of them we’re all just meat with holes.

I've had very graphic chats about sex with female friends but never ever have I heard anything like the violence and disregard and quite frankly hatred that comes out of men' mouths.
I have never heard a woman say anything like:
'Yeah if my boyfriend cheated I'd bite his dick off and fuck him in the arse with it and then force it in his mouth til he choked to death'
But I've heard the equivalent and worse from men.

Isn't this where @VoiceOfCommonSense comes in and calls you a precious snowflake?

What a bizarre view you have if you think women need a ‘valid’ excuse to choose to be a virgin.