AIBU to think that kids birthday parties are more about the parents than the children?

[Cottonbud25]

My daughter is almost 5 and has just started attending birthday parties. We’ve been to 2 so far and have another one coming up next month. Each time we have been to one I feel like I have gone above and beyond for a child I barely even know and i can’t help but think that these parties are designed more so the children have more gifts and the parents can show off.

My reason for thinking that is because obviously it’s not the done thing to turn up to a birthday party without a gift. I am a crafter so I like to make a lot of things myself. The first party we went to was for a little girl so I made her 4 hair bows, each presented on card which I had designed, printed and cut. I made her birthday card too without so much as a thank you from the parents. It was literally “the pile for presents is over there” and that was it.

The second party we went to was a joint birthday party for a boy and a girl. Kind of last minute I had to organise a gift as I’d got my dates mixed up. I bought the boys present (thank you Amazon for your next day delivery), made separate cards for the pair of them, went to smyths for the girls present, but also bought her a necklace which wasn’t well presented so I designed a piece of card to present it on and put it in a little bag. Again, not one word from the parents afterwards. No “thank you for the lovely gift” or “thank you for the cards” … nothing.

When my children are given something, I always make sure I drop a message to that person to say thank you. It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s good manners. Now we have a 3rd party coming up and I’m seriously debating on whether or not I should even make an effort like I have done with the past 2. It isn’t fair on the girl I know, as her parents may be very different. But I’ve gone out of my way twice now and I just don’t see the point.

Other people may not agree, and that’s fine. I’m actually just looking to see whether or not anybody else has had a similar experience? And whether I should bother making the effort again or just presume that these parties are for one reason and one reason only.

I’m actually just looking to see whether or not anybody else has had a similar experience? And whether I should bother making the effort again or just presume that these parties are for one reason and one reason only.

You're conflating two things that have nothing to do with each other. Personally, I wouldn't bother going to the trouble of making a time consuming hand-made gift for a child who is too young to appreciate it, no. But that doesn't mean that you're correct in your assumption that these parties are purely intended to be grabby and an excuse for parents to show off! You've clearly decided that's the case but you're making a very sweeping judgement there. Maybe you didn't get a thank you from the parents because they told their child to thank your child at school and thought that would be enough? Maybe they just didn't know whose present was whose as

Were there party bags at the end? That's usually the point for the 'thanks for coming' and reciprocal 'thank for a great party.'

😂

9 times out of 10 the children are running around having fun and don’t even see the present. I actually don’t think I’d be too bothered if a child forgot to say thank you, but when it’s an adult who should know better that’s where I have a problem.

I think I will just put money in a card and have done with it from now on 😅 ❤️

9 out of 10 times the adults are also running around greeting everyone else, dishing out drinks, pointing out the toilets, finding parents of upset children, making sure the other parents have a drink, organising food, setting up games etc.
Just because they don't say thanks, doesn't mean the gift and attendance isn't appreciated.

Yes there were party bags, which again my children said thank you for aswell as a “thank you for the invite”.

That's not my experience at all. I've been going to parties for about two years now as DC is almost 6 and I've always felt it's just a nice opportunity for kids to get together and have a good time. I like the fact that the presents are chucked aside and opened when everyone's gone home so there won't be tears from all the other kids afterwards. 😂 If it's a class do I appreciate the opportunity to chat to some of the parents I don't get to chat to at drop off/pick up, and it's certainly helped me get to know other school mums and dads. I've not found that anyone's showing off at all, everyone just gets a little generic present, the kids run around getting hyper, they eat nibbles and cakes and it calms down a bit, and then they all have one last 20-minute mental runaround and it's done. 😃

I don't care if people say thanks afterwards. Usually the host thanks for the presents as they're chucked in the pile, or when we're leaving and I go to thank them for the party. I think you're overthinking it a little bit OP. Don't go overboard with the presents and just watch your kid have a good time.

Don't sweat it OP, by overthinking you're accidentally making it about the parents.

If you enjoy crafting, you do it and of course they will be appreciated but maybe not more than other gifts, if you know what I mean?

I don't do thank you cards I'm afraid and on 'party day' I'm probably also guilty of 'just put presents over there'. I'm not an arsehole, I don't think anyway!

Oh and btw, my favourite parties are the drop off and run ones...I love those. As long as I'm not the host that is 😂

OP, I think you sound a little jealous. How were the parents ‘showy’? If they hadn’t tried to make the party special I imagine you would have a gripe about that. The missed thank you (which can happen especially with a big chaotic party) sounds like an excuse to complain about something. I can’t see how the handmade gift is relevant but now you know it’s not worth that level of effort as most kids don’t care if something is handmade.

I do wonder- is this a genuine post?

Honestly I completely understand how hectic these types of things are, and wouldn’t expect anyone to drop everything to give me a thanks there and then.

But once everything has settled and there is time to sit and open presents, I don’t think it takes much to just drop a thank you message, that’s all ❤️

I told my child she could have 1 all class party, I wont be doing it again simply due to the amount of money and time it took. My child was in reception so hadn't formed particularly close friendships and it was nice to meet so many of the other parents. I teach my daughter not to expect gifts. However it was a lovely day, she has a fantastic time. Why do people have to be so nasty and label it grabby and a popularity contest.

Why not just attend children’s parties in the spirit that is intended- to let the kids have fun and to make the birthday boy or girl feel special. The rest doesn’t matter.

I appreciate your comment ❤️ you are entitled to your opinion.

But it does take a lot when its 30 + parents! Everyone is busy and quite honestly most people dont care. I dont expect a "thank you for a great birthday message" hours after the party is over.

Your random posts not referring who you're replying to aren't helpful!

It's all very well to say you won't be having parties for your DD, that's fine, you're the parent, but your child crying that she wants a birthday party, not a day trip to the moon. Makes it about the parent, not the child.

Stop investing so much emotionally into it all. Buy a few gifts a child will enjoy (can be a box of malteasers/small lego box/books)
& buy a box of mixed children's birthday cards & let DD choose one of each for the birthday child. Hand making presents is fine if that's what you want to do, just make what you want to make & put it in the presents box.

Parties are about the birthday child feeling special & ALL the children having fun!

Its most definitely not about the host parents.

'Thank you for coming/the card/the present' as you arrive is enough, expecting text/call/thank you email/card afterwards is ridiculous. They hosted your child, hopefully she enjoyed it - why do YOU need more than that??

When I worked in hospitality, there was an extravagant party organised with about thirty guests. For a one year old.

I don’t think I’ve ever come away from a kids party thinking about whether or not anyone said thank you to me. And even if I did I wouldn’t take it personally as I’m aware how stressful hosting can be.

I hosted a party for my 5 year old, did the whole thing on my own, food, hall, decorations, party bags, its manic, its tiring, i stressed over it for weeks.

I dumped the presents on a table just like every other party, said thanks, then rushed to check the pizzas hadn't burnt...

sounds to me that you put the effort it to get a thankyou.

it just isnt like that, buy a book, wrap it and move on with your life

I think you need to adjust your expectations. The parents won't know that you felt the tat was 'poorly presented' so you went out of your way to create and cut a new (something) to present it on, nor that you created cards all by yourself you clever talented thing you. You will be exhausted by all the being sad that no thank you notes are sent any more, stand down that sadness!

You would have hated me, we had go kart parties, bouncy castle parties, magicians, pool parties, balloon modellers, space themed parties with space themed food, oh my goodness, all for show? You bet!

Round here children always write thank you note and pass these at school the week following the party - sometimes actually written by the parents when they are YR/Y1.

Also, a lot of parents will take a mental note of what people gave, not juste cheap/expensive but also if it was thoughtful. For ex I was really impressed at one child who took a lot of time drawing on my DC’s card, including a crossword puzzle themed after their favourite animal - and I will definitely take much more time and/or money on his present than I do on average.

I definitely don’t go to the effort just for a thank you 😅

like I imagine you didn’t go through all the effort for your child’s party for thanks…

Ever so patronising but I appreciate your comment ❤️

Adjust your expectations and your investment in this one. Cards get separated from gifts. A 'thank you for coming' and 'thank you for inviting us' covers it all.

No one wants presents that need to be thought about, stored, looked after, or supervised after an all class party. A fiver in the card and some haribo taped in as well is plenty!