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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still expect birthday presents at my age?!

89 replies

Cookienextdoor · 17/10/2022 16:21

I'm not sure if I ABU or not- I've been quietly stewing on this but don't feel I can actually bring it up as I will sound like a spoilt child!
It was my birthday a few weeks ago and I'm in my 30s, with a DH and two young kids. I received a small gift from each child (chocolates which they kindly helped me eat 😂), cards from them and my DH and a card from my parents and my MIL. And that is it. No card from my siblings (and actually no acknowledgement from one of them now I think of it) or dh siblings. No gift from any adults in my family. I have cards from friends but we generally don't give gifts. AIBU to be a little disappointed by the lack of attention?! To be clear I don't expect expensive gifts or to be taken out for lavish meals or outings, but normally we do something for birthdays beyond a card and a WhatsApp message! So, AIBU and a brat? Or not?! I need telling!

OP posts:
tinx · 17/10/2022 16:24

Well as long as DH and children acknowledge my birthday I honestly don’t give a crap about anyone else remembering or making a fuss and I’m close with all of mine and DH family

I think you are being A LITTLE unreasonable

but happy birthday 🥳

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 17/10/2022 16:28

You expect birthday presents

Presents you say in your title

Grabby imo

ThatGirlInACountrySong · 17/10/2022 16:28

You GOT cards and token presents

What were you hoping for?

Colderthanever · 17/10/2022 16:30

No I don’t Expect wider family to give me gifts, get a grip on yourself 😂

Original poster
Cookienextdoor · 17/10/2022 16:31

I hold my hands up- yes I did expect a present from my family! Maybe that is grabby and I need to grow up 😂. I do get them presents in my defense though! I'm not all bad!

OP posts:
Cap89 · 17/10/2022 16:31

I would be disappointed too! I think it’s kind of fair enough for the family not to get gifts, but I’d be so upset if DH didn’t if you normally do and hadn’t made a joint decision not to this time round. Did he explain why?

FirstandLastBorn · 17/10/2022 16:31

No, not unreasonable if the expectations in your family are that you get presents and made a little fuss of. I'd be a bit upset too.

berksandbeyond · 17/10/2022 16:32

YANBU.
I bet you buy all of them presents?!
Nothing from your DH?

DeannaFromHumanResources · 17/10/2022 16:32

Milestone birthdays my brother’s got me something, my PIL would always put £20-£30 in a card. My parents would either do the same or get me a gift. DH and children would buy the cake and inexpensive gifts and usually we go for a meal or takeaway. I get a handful of cards from close friends (one always buys me a freddo multipack) and I’m 51. I would think it strange if it felt like everyone forgot. Are you a gift giver?

Dalaidramailama · 17/10/2022 16:32

I would expect a gift or money off my parents. Siblings not necessarily although me and my sister do. In laws definitely not lol 😂.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 17/10/2022 16:34

I think if you always buy all of those people presents, and they have always bought you presents in the past, then it's entirely reasonable to think this year will be the same if there has been no discussion about it changing.

RonSwansonsChair · 17/10/2022 16:35

It's my birthday this week, I will get presents from my DH and DC. Also from my parents and siblings, but nothing from in laws, that's the norm in our family. If it's pretty standard in your family to swap birthday presents then yanbu to expect them. If you don't give to your siblings then I'd say fair enough that you don't receive.
I find MN weird in that you should never expect a present, otherwise you're "grabby". If it's normal to exchange presents, it doesn't make you grabby to expect them.

Colderthanever · 17/10/2022 16:35

I think stop buying them gifts. No one expects this really

caringcarer · 17/10/2022 16:35

I am probably high maintenance but I expect to be spoiled all day on my birthday. Starts with pot of tea in bed. DH usually has a day out planned for us, for many years he took me away for a nice break. Romantic meal in the evening. My birthday is end of August so can go away.

sunflowerdaisyrose · 17/10/2022 16:36

We buy gifts for our parents, siblings and their partners so yes I'd be disappointed too. I'd stop buying for them and treat myself instead!

SirenSays · 17/10/2022 16:37

Nope don't you know celebrations are only for children. If you're an adult and want anything you're a grabby monster 😂

Justcallmebebes · 17/10/2022 16:38

What the he'll is wrong with people? Of course you're not unreasonable to expect gifts on your birthday especially if you give them gifts.

I'd be v upset if no one in my family or close friends acknowledged my birthday

decafsoyaflatwhite · 17/10/2022 16:40

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 17/10/2022 16:34

I think if you always buy all of those people presents, and they have always bought you presents in the past, then it's entirely reasonable to think this year will be the same if there has been no discussion about it changing.

Exactly this! It’s especially bad that you’ve not even had acknowledgement from one of your siblings, that would really upset me.

We don’t go along with the miserable ‘birthdays are for children’ narrative in my family… we like to make a fuss of each other!

easylikeasundaymorning · 17/10/2022 16:40

Yanbu to be disappointed op so would I especially if gifts are the norm.
Wouldn't mind the in laws not getting anything but my own family I'd be gutted.
I like to celebrate my birthday but to be honest I do a lot of the planning for it to avoid any disappointment on the day.

mast0650 · 17/10/2022 16:40

I'd expect some kind of gift from DH and parents, yes. And some acknowledgement from siblings. We don't do in-law presents in our family.

It does depend on your own "normal" but I think most people would expect a bit more than that, unless they they had agreed in advance that you would buy yourself something, or the present would be a bit late, or you were going out instead, or you were economizing - or something!

DelphiniumBlue · 17/10/2022 16:40

I’d be disappointed if I got no pressies from my Mum, DH or friends. MiL always used to give me cash, too. SiL always remembers, as do 2 or 3 friends. Brother usually forgets but if I see him he’d buy me a drink or a bottle or pay for a meal.

Original poster
Cookienextdoor · 17/10/2022 16:41

Perhaps this is their way of telling me they don't want to exchange gifts or meet for cake etc any more... Thank you for all the responses, mixed bag! Just to clarify, we do generally celebrate birthdays in my family, it is harder now as people have moved away though. I am not 'grabby' enough to expect things from people I wouldn't do the same for!

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 17/10/2022 16:41

Depends-I hate getting sibling birthday gifts - mainly cos half the time we never know what to get and so just give each other the same thirty quid or so back and forth which seems utterly pointless so I'd much prefer to not do it.

However if you have previously always done sibling gifts and there has been no discussion about stopping then yanbu to expect them!

Bywayofanupdate · 17/10/2022 16:42

Do you buy your family birthday presents OP? If so I'd expect something in return.

Dalaidramailama · 17/10/2022 16:43

You definitely don’t sound grabby at all OP.