To still expect birthday presents at my age?!

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I'm not sure if I ABU or not- I've been quietly stewing on this but don't feel I can actually bring it up as I will sound like a spoilt child!
It was my birthday a few weeks ago and I'm in my 30s, with a DH and two young kids. I received a small gift from each child (chocolates which they kindly helped me eat 😂), cards from them and my DH and a card from my parents and my MIL. And that is it. No card from my siblings (and actually no acknowledgement from one of them now I think of it) or dh siblings. No gift from any adults in my family. I have cards from friends but we generally don't give gifts. AIBU to be a little disappointed by the lack of attention?! To be clear I don't expect expensive gifts or to be taken out for lavish meals or outings, but normally we do something for birthdays beyond a card and a WhatsApp message! So, AIBU and a brat? Or not?! I need telling!

Once I’m buying gifts for the children of siblings, cousins, my own children etc, I’m not buying gifts for you
once you are a parent, you lose the right to expect gifts.

They're for writing your good wishes on, you know, not just wrapping up a tenner 😂

Dear Nowhitestripe,

Wishing your an absolutely wonderful 35th birthday. I really do hope you are spoiled. Have a great day!

Love your sister Kate xxxxx

Which really boils down to, I didn't bother getting you a pressie, not only that I am too mean to throw some cash or a voucher in your card so here is....a card!
I remembered and marked your birthday. I am off the hook!

You scabby cow Kate.

YANBU. It’s not grabby at all.

I often buy gifts knowing how much my family and partner will love them. I love giving just as much as receiving. To not receive any gifts as an adult is a real shame.

YANBU imo, if you usually would receive a gift from OH or parents then unless it had been mentioned that they couldn't afford it ATM then that what I would expect.

My parents have never not got me a birthday present, I would be gutted if i just didn't get a gift with no conversation around stopping them (and they would never do that, they've always celebrated our birthdays and have a present or 2 even when everything is going to sh*t around the family - illnesses etc)

If it's cost of living or whatever then that's fine, but a discussion around it and acknowledgment that it would be the same for all in the family this year and that they don't expect any gifts either let's everyone know where they stand.

I think that's really awful. I'd expect a few thoughtful gifts from DH , sometimes asked for ideas (treat things you wouldn't buy for yourself) always get gifts from mum , sister dad maybe vouchers from PIL and BIL. Sone friends pop in a bottle or plant of something. And I give to all those people too. It's one day of the year and just shows a bit of thought.
It doesn't need to be expensive at all. Even something home made , If money was really really tight then fair enough but I'd expect a conversation first

It's my birthday today and I'm stewing because my sister hasn't sent me a card. (First time she's ever not sent one.) and despite my parents cat sitting my cats yesterday. They didn't leave me a card. Apparently it's in the post. I'm 41 and it's made me really sad.

You are not being unreasonable to expect birthday presents. I have a few family members like this, and it isn’t nice when you put a lot of effort in giving people nice and generous gifts for their birthday only to have them forget your birthday. I think it’s kind of a shitty thing to do to be honest.

At the very least they should get you a card to show they are thinking of you and haven’t forgotten your birthday.

Sorry you were treated like this by your family, and I hope you had a lovely birthday regardless. 💐

I'd expect a nice dinner date or flowers from my partner. Wouldn't expect anything other than an e-card from my siblings and certainly nothing from anyone else (my parents are dead), certainly not my husband's family!
I am single however and I'd arrange a dinner with friends. They'd club together to buy me something - last time (my 60th) a fantastic voucher to an interiors shop, I was able to buy quite a few nice things for my new home.

Happy birthday 🎂 @Toddlerteaplease

Sorry your family haven’t sent cards for your birthday, hope you have a good birthday and treat yourself to something nice 💐

You aren’t being unreasonable to want more.

But you have to make it happen - tell people what you’d like, organise your family b’day meal, your friends’ b’day drink.

People need direction. And actually once people get used to doing stuff for your b’day they do start to initiate

It's my birthday today and I'm stewing because my sister hasn't sent me a card.

Well according to nowhitestripe, that's better than sending you an EMPTY card!

I think it depends on your family arrangements. I expect a gift (or a nice day out) from my bf. Also my parents give a gift/cash. Siblings and extended family sends a text (which I prefere over a card) unless I host a party. But that is how it works for us.

Ha ha God I hope when it does come there is something in it!!!!😂

That's the problem with gifts/cards then - people have different ideas about it!

I've sent two non-local friends birthday cards this week - empty - definitely didn't mean to be mean! If I had sent them a present too, something they almost certainly didn't really want, I'm potentially setting up an obligation for them to reciprocate on my birthday and thank me and deal with the item I thought was perfect but they probably didn't...My heart would sink if they suddenly started sending gifts.

I love getting a text or a birthday card or an in person 'happy birthday!' on my birthday - it really is enough, and all that is wanted. I guess the problem it is easy to assume that other think the same way when they don't.

On the other hand, perhaps you are not now doing presents with adults in your family. Which means you don't have to get them any. In my family, some of my siblings do do presents for adults (I have a complicated family with different degrees of sibling-ness!) but, others don't. It pretty much ends up at like-for-like... We all buy for each other's kids though.

You do if this is what you've always done

Mumsnet really is a window into another world for me.

So many women seem to be tethered to men I don’t recognise. Feckless, thoughtless wastes of space, expected to operate at a level so far below your average woman, that they might as well be a different species.

These are not the men in my life. I wasn’t brought up by such a man, I’m not married to such a man, and none of my friends are stuck with such a man.

This isn’t about expecting presents, and stamping your foot like Veruca Salt because you didn’t get one.

It’s about being with someone who thinks about you, wants to get you something nice, thinks it’s important, and goes to the small effort of doing just that.

I thought this was normal. It is normal in my world.

The OP isn’t expecting anything she doesn’t 100% do in return.

YA completely NBU.

In fairness friends are different but to hand a family member a card and nothing else is very mean. Sending a card in the post to let a non local pal you are thinking of them is a nice thing to do.

@nowhitestripeonthesausageplease. She sent me a present. A have crochet blanket. Which is lovely. But really odd there is no card.

What is with mumsnet today?!

It is completely normal to expect presents from your partner and parents!

I would be upset if no one got me a present on my birthday. I don't think its selfish.

I would expect a good thoughtful non generic gift from my dh. No one else. I only buy for dh.

I'd love one of those! Always wanted one! None of my family are crafty. The card wouldn't bother me if I got a lovely blanket. Actually you have given me an idea of what I can ask my husband for Christmas. He may hunt down a hand made blanket. That would mean the world to me! Thank you!!

I would bloody well expect a gift from my husband miserly bastard.
It's not "grabby" whatever that idiotic phrase means. It's perfectly normal especially if you get gifts for them. People should raise their standards.

@nowhitestripeonthesausageplease