Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still expect birthday presents at my age?!

89 replies

Cookienextdoor · 17/10/2022 16:21

I'm not sure if I ABU or not- I've been quietly stewing on this but don't feel I can actually bring it up as I will sound like a spoilt child!
It was my birthday a few weeks ago and I'm in my 30s, with a DH and two young kids. I received a small gift from each child (chocolates which they kindly helped me eat 😂), cards from them and my DH and a card from my parents and my MIL. And that is it. No card from my siblings (and actually no acknowledgement from one of them now I think of it) or dh siblings. No gift from any adults in my family. I have cards from friends but we generally don't give gifts. AIBU to be a little disappointed by the lack of attention?! To be clear I don't expect expensive gifts or to be taken out for lavish meals or outings, but normally we do something for birthdays beyond a card and a WhatsApp message! So, AIBU and a brat? Or not?! I need telling!

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 17/10/2022 16:43

If you're expecting presents because you've bought for them on their birthdays, it's time to stop, isn't it? And don't WhatsApp the one who didn't even bother to message you to say happy birthday, that's so lazy of them!

TokenGinger · 17/10/2022 16:45

Grabby or not, I expect a gift from my DP on my birthday. I think everybody should have a present to open on their birthday.

AryaStarkWolf · 17/10/2022 16:46

I expect a gift from my DH and my mother always gets me something, i wouldn't expect a present from my siblings unless it was a big birthday, they always message to say Happy birthday though. My late teen/adult children get me a present as well

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 17/10/2022 16:46

We don't buy for siblings or any adults, once you turn 18 that's it. You have your own money, so no point people buying for them.

YABU. Long as they wished you happy birthday.

nowhitestripeonthesausageplease · 17/10/2022 16:52

I presume the cards had money in them? One thing I will never understand is people who don't buy a gift but hand someone a card. An empty card. Baffles me. Put a £1 scratch card in at least.

I would rather receive nothing than just a card with nothing in it.

mewkins · 17/10/2022 16:53

I can't imagine a time when I wouldn't want to celebrate my kids' birthdays and give them a present and card.

Notcoolmum · 17/10/2022 17:00

I'm a lot older than you but always get presents from my parents and siblings. They also arrange presents from my children as I'm single. I'd also expect a present from a significant other and have received them in the past whilst in relationships.
I buy the adults mentioned presents for their birthdays too.
I don't think it's grabby at all. It's nice to make a fuss of people to show you care and they matter to you.

Itisour · 17/10/2022 17:00

YANBU about the lack of acknowledgement/text/card/phonecall from your siblings and siblings-in-law, that is pretty shoddy.

The lack of pointless presents sounds wonderful though. I would definitely take that as their way of getting of the obligatory gift exchange.

Meeting for cake sounds like a nice idea. I really like the system we have at work now where the person whose birthday it is brings in cakes and/or treats no one is accidentally forgotten and it is just more sensible all round. Is it too late to invite people round for some birthday cake?

Lovesacake · 17/10/2022 17:05

You are not being unreasonable at all! In my family it’s the norm to give birthday gifts no matter the age of the recipient and I’d be sad not to receive any. I hope you can treat yourself to something lovely to make up for it xx

CambsAlways · 17/10/2022 17:06

You are not being unreasonable at all, my Dh and my four children all buy me presents and my friends as I do for each of them, hardly grabby it’s your birthday. I bet you buy presents for everyone too

mast0650 · 17/10/2022 17:10

I presume the cards had money in them? One thing I will never understand is people who don't buy a gift but hand someone a card. An empty card. Baffles me. Put a £1 scratch card in at least.
I would rather receive nothing than just a card with nothing in it.

Really? I don't think most people think like this? A birthday card is a nice gesture in itself. Especially if carefully chosen. It shows someone is thinking of you and is one up from a WA message - which is also better than nothing!

Squirrelblanket · 17/10/2022 17:13

If you normally exchange gifts then it's fair enough to be disappointed. Just don't get them anything next time.

mast0650 · 17/10/2022 17:13

We don't buy for siblings or any adults, once you turn 18 that's it. You have your own money, so no point people buying for them. No presents for any adults, ever? Not for partners, adult children, or best friends? Not for Chrismas or birthday, or a thank you or when you're ill? I think that's a real shame. It's not just about the money, it's about someone thinking about you and making the effort to treat you to something they think you'll like. Maybe something you would never have found for yourself.

marsbara · 17/10/2022 17:14

Do you buy them presents for birthdays? If it's a yes, then I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

I don't expect presents but I am partial to a bit of attention on my birthday. It's always nice to get cards and have cake etc. If no one acknowledged it (when I go out of my way to acknowledge others' birthdays), I'd probs feel a bit deflated too.

GlassesWearer · 17/10/2022 17:20

I wouldn't expect anything beyond token gifts from DCs to be honest. It'd be nice to get something from DH but, in truth, I'm better at choosing than he is and (because all our money is joint money) it feels like I'm just buying myself a gift that I don't really like and I'd rather have the money in the bank. DH's birthday was this weekend and I went a bit nutty on gifts for him because I recently got a bonus and he never spoils himself and would always go without to keep enough kept by - if he bought himself treats then I wouldn't feel compelled to on his birthday.

I get where you're coming from though OP. It's a bit like still wanting Father Christmas to bring you a stocking.

nowhitestripeonthesausageplease · 17/10/2022 17:20

mast0650 · 17/10/2022 17:10

I presume the cards had money in them? One thing I will never understand is people who don't buy a gift but hand someone a card. An empty card. Baffles me. Put a £1 scratch card in at least.
I would rather receive nothing than just a card with nothing in it.

Really? I don't think most people think like this? A birthday card is a nice gesture in itself. Especially if carefully chosen. It shows someone is thinking of you and is one up from a WA message - which is also better than nothing!

No, I think it is incredibly mean. I am too mean to buy you a pressie but I will give you an empty card to look like I am giving you something. I would rather a text.

Ponderingwindow · 17/10/2022 17:22

only from DH and maybe your parents. Parents are going to depend on financial circumstances though. A card may be more appropriate.

Bananamaman · 17/10/2022 17:24

nowhitestripeonthesausageplease · 17/10/2022 16:52

I presume the cards had money in them? One thing I will never understand is people who don't buy a gift but hand someone a card. An empty card. Baffles me. Put a £1 scratch card in at least.

I would rather receive nothing than just a card with nothing in it.

Wow, this is a million miles away from how my family and driends do things. I'd never give another adult cash in a card and have never received cash as an adult, but would be very happy to receive a card (or as you put it, an "empty card"). They're for writing your good wishes on, you know, not just wrapping up a tenner 😂

OP, your husband should have got you something.

mast0650 · 17/10/2022 17:25

No, I think it is incredibly mean. I am too mean to buy you a pressie but I will give you an empty card to look like I am giving you something. I would rather a text.

Well, it takes all sorts I suppose! I've never associated a card with money since my Great Aunty Thelma used to send me a birthday card in the 1980s. It's not an "empty card" - it's just a card.

lovenotwar149 · 17/10/2022 17:27

I dont know tbh. I have over the yrs on more than 1 occasion felt upset on my birthday for similar reasons. It's all to do with expectations. I would go above and beyond for others on their bday. I realised I wanted the praise from them for 'doing so much.' This generosity wasn't reciprocated and it hurt...well until I realised why I went above and beyond for others. Now I match what I receive and its been noticed. Others dont like it because I have changed my habit. Cant win. But I dont feel resentful now, so that's better for me.

nowhitestripeonthesausageplease · 17/10/2022 17:29

Bananamaman · 17/10/2022 17:24

Wow, this is a million miles away from how my family and driends do things. I'd never give another adult cash in a card and have never received cash as an adult, but would be very happy to receive a card (or as you put it, an "empty card"). They're for writing your good wishes on, you know, not just wrapping up a tenner 😂

OP, your husband should have got you something.

Show quote history

I meant to hand a loved one a card with no gift. Nothing, Just a card. To me, that is mean. I would rather have nothing. If I had to choose I would rather a thoughtful gift than money or a voucher in a card but to just had a sister or a mother a just a CARD is beyond mean to me.

nowhitestripeonthesausageplease · 17/10/2022 17:30

mast0650 · 17/10/2022 17:25

No, I think it is incredibly mean. I am too mean to buy you a pressie but I will give you an empty card to look like I am giving you something. I would rather a text.

Well, it takes all sorts I suppose! I've never associated a card with money since my Great Aunty Thelma used to send me a birthday card in the 1980s. It's not an "empty card" - it's just a card.

Again I am talking about giving a card, just a card, nothing else and think that is ok to hand a loved one for a birthday. It's not.

Eleusa · 17/10/2022 17:31

Honestly think you are on your own with this one, @nowhitestripeonthesausageplease 😂

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/10/2022 17:32

Everyone is skint at the moment. You can't just 'expect' presents.

In our family, they stop over the age of 18. Might sound harsh, but saves wasting money of crap that no-one really wants and gets shoved under the bed, 're-gifted' or given to a charity shop.

I'd like a small present from my partner, but I certainly don't expect one.

MimosaSunrise · 17/10/2022 17:32

No, you’re not ‘grabby’ (hate that word), op. I’d be expecting presents from DH and parents if that’s what was usual and I got them presents - unless we had a chat where we agreed to stop doing it going forward, of course. My family had a scaling-back of Xmas a few years ago, but it was agreed in advance.

Personally, I’m more into my birthday as I get older. Life is busy and stressful, and it’s lovely to have a day where you get made a fuss of!