To be bloody pissed off that school are annoyed that my son can't breathe?

[Mrsweasleysclock]

DS suffers from asthma. It has been a struggle to get it under control and this time of year always comes with a flare up. He has been breathless and coughing with chest tightness for a week now, hasn't been in school in this time. We've had to take him to the hospital twice, once by ambulance as he couldn't catch his breath for an hour so called 999. I have kept in touch with the school everyday giving them updates.

This morning I get a letter about his poor attendance and threatening further action if his attendance doesn't improve.

I am fuming. I understand they have attendance standards to keep but surely if you were concerned you could have had a chat with me any time when I was in dropping/collecting DD. Or even act like you care about his health rather than making it seem like I just haven't bloody bothered to bring him to school.

So mumsnet, talk me down because I feel like going to war over this with the school.

Yabu: the school have procedures to follow

Yanbu: they could have discussed his health/attendance informally first before going down the formal route of sending a letter threatening action.

People like you are the reason that hard working caring teachers are leaving the profession in droves. It is not their choice that the letters are sent

Yes exactly this.

I'm stressed and in the middle of sorting his health out. Let me sort that out first.

We got a letter after ds got covid. It was in October last year when the schools had reopened but the medical advice was to isolate for 10 days.
So basically I had the department for education (i know its not them, but they're as highest authority) saying come in his attendance is low. Whilst the department of health was saying do not leave your house.
As it happened he was well enough on a couple of days to access his lessons via livestream or have it emailed to him. (Although some staff totally ignored his emails asking for work. ).
I found out that the figure is achieved as the number of absences as a percentage of the days of term elapsed (rather than as a percentage of the total number of school days in a school year). So if your DC is ill on the second school day in September their attendance has already dropped to 50%. If they aren't ill again it starts to climb.

symapthies op my ds has a primary immunodeficiency and we still get the letters. I’ve rang up to tell them my ds was blue lighted to hospital last night and has just come out of resus and there only response was do you know what day he will be back in. Hope your ds’s health improves

It's the beginning of the school year and your son has had a lot of time off school so his percentage is very low. You've received this letter because you've met the criteria for a letter. So YABU to be annoyed you've received this letter.

However, YANBU to send them a polite but firm email acknowledging the letter, and detailing what you've put in your post. Then throwing the letter in the bin.

I agree with you @Mrsweasleysclock and think the school should vet the letters before they send them. My son was terrible asthmatic when he was younger, so much so that one night I just had him on the couch next to me. He was raspy and then there was silence. I’ve never seen DH move so quick - we had to rush him to hospital and we have had an ambulance out for him since. He’s had hospital appointments and surgery in the last academic year (like you, we kept the school informed) but we received one of those bloody letters too. It’s not like we took him out of school for a holiday! What makes me angrier is my neighbour has just come back from a holiday to the Middle East and, even though the school rejected the absence application, they haven’t sent her a fine / said anything to her about it. Beggars belief.

It’s an automated letter. They can’t hand write individual letters to every single parent OP.

No, it's not the school's fault. Due to that when I received the letter I did not " go to war" with them. I DID however suggest they consider a cover letter where they acknowledged the children who had serious medical issues and how stressful this letter could be to receive. They will know who these students are.

When you are taking your child to GOSH or similar to deal with life-threatening conditions. It is not pleasant to be told you are not considering your child's education. I considered it daily. I was worried sick, he was losing too much school. Worried about how he would catch up. In fact, he didn't catch up and did not get into the school he wanted for A levels he was 1.5 points off and the school would not budge despite knowing how sick he had been.

I was MORE worried about if he would get through or if his liver would be damaged for life.

In our case an amazing surgeon and 5 years on DS is healthy and happy and called me from his university asking" have I ever had any major illnesses?" " errrrrr yes Son your kidneys were f***" he answered," oh yes I forget how sick I was back then....."

I burst into tears the day I received that letter. I knew the school had to send it. Just it is not the right thing to do and it should not be done for children with serious health conditions. It just adds stress for the sake of their paperwork.

No, if there's problems at home then social work should be involved and a plan in put in place to ensure that particular child attends school if attendance is an issue. Not fair to penalise everyone else by threatening them when they're ill.

@ZeroFuchsGiven That's appalling, who on earth would be so insensitive! I'm not surprised you lost it.

OP I hope your sons asthma gets under control soon. I'd phone the school as others have said.

Yes it is sent automatically. But this stupid "one size fits all" letter has not written itself. There are people who wrote it, proofread it, decided that it should be sent automatically. The letters like this add so much to the stress of many families and it is utterly disgusting that the parents of ill children keep getting them.

Sending those kind of letters to a parent in the OP's situation is the very opposite of hardworking and caring. It's lazy and thoughtless.

It’s an automated letter. They can’t hand write individual letters to every single parent OP.

Really? Why not?

They’re template letters most likely.

Most sensible people realise that.

They’re template letters most likely.

So the templates created themselves?

When I got one of these I wrote back saying 'fantastic - now I know that you want to look after DD when she is ill, next time it happens I'll take her straight to sick bay in the morning. It's a win for the school as your stats stay good and a win for me as I don't need to take time off work. Not great for DD, but who cares about that.'

🙄

What do you object to about the letter?

Bin it and don’t give it any further thought.

if you raise it they’ll apologise but if it’s an automated system they won’t be able to stop it happening again. So don’t let it take up space in your brain.

i got one recently about dd’s attendance last year. It was low mainly because she picked up a few coughs and colds that fit covid so had to stay off per advice. The very next day I got a text saying she has received an attendance award for high attendance so far this year!

Except that would be dealt with in a different way - I have kids in 3 different schools so it seems standard protocol - if you don't let them know absence reason by 9.30 you get a phone call, email or text. That lets you know that you've forgotten to tell them they are off if they are skiving. The letters are part of a whole shebang about attendance, including memes about how those with 95% attendance have higher earning potential etc etc

OP if the attendances are authorised, there is no further action to take. On what grounds would there be?

Make a formal complaint. You have every right to be steaming! I had this when DS was in year R. He had very severe breathing issues and was in and out of hospital that year including a stay in PICU and twice in HDU. I kept school fully informed. Every absence was authorised. At the end of the year I got a letter written in red telling me his attendance was poor and was pulling down the school's Ofsted results or some such rubbish. I was so upset I tore the letter up and threw it away. When your kid has been fighting for their life and you are doing all you humanly can, that kind of thing is a kick in the teeth. It was a small school - one class entry - so not hard to keep a tab on who's who. That sort of letter should never be automated. How bad is their record keeping that they can't do a quick check on who is missing and should be in and who has a valid documented reason with evidence.

Go to war ! Illness and poor attendance are two very different things

It will be automated but that’s no excuse. They should have systems that remove children whose absence is cause by a known disability or chronic illness. I’m of the belief that if someone doesn’t make a fuss nothing ever changes!

@Obki

i objected to the phrase ‘I hope you can work with the school to improve Littlegoat’s attendance during the rest of the term’.

How exactly? How can I reduce his illness? All tips greatly received. If they want to have him I’ll send calpol, nurofen, Vicks, his vapouriser etc. Also can they find a quiet corner for him to sleep. And when he gets Noro are they ok to clean up his vomit? Will they wash his shitty trousers?

Also ‘we realise some illness is unavoidable’ - really? Which illnesses in school aged children ARE avoidable? Sounds like they’ve got special knowledge of how to stop kids getting sick. I wish they’d share it.

I don't understand this system - if a child is off because they are sick that's not an attendence issue. Surely the system is supposed to be catching truants or children with serious issues at home, for example missing school to act as a carer for parents etc.

As soon as a parent lets the school know their child is ill why aren't all those absences authorized and no longer an issue?

This is an automated response to your DS poor attendance, however I do believe this practice has to change in order for the parents not to feel bad about something they can’t change. I’d rather see them sending letters asking the parents to contact the attendance officer to discuss.