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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bloody pissed off that school are annoyed that my son can't breathe?

239 replies

Mrsweasleysclock · 17/10/2022 15:25

DS suffers from asthma. It has been a struggle to get it under control and this time of year always comes with a flare up. He has been breathless and coughing with chest tightness for a week now, hasn't been in school in this time. We've had to take him to the hospital twice, once by ambulance as he couldn't catch his breath for an hour so called 999. I have kept in touch with the school everyday giving them updates.

This morning I get a letter about his poor attendance and threatening further action if his attendance doesn't improve.

I am fuming. I understand they have attendance standards to keep but surely if you were concerned you could have had a chat with me any time when I was in dropping/collecting DD. Or even act like you care about his health rather than making it seem like I just haven't bloody bothered to bring him to school.

So mumsnet, talk me down because I feel like going to war over this with the school.

Yabu: the school have procedures to follow

Yanbu: they could have discussed his health/attendance informally first before going down the formal route of sending a letter threatening action.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 17/10/2022 15:26

It will be an automatic letter once his attendance hit a certain %

TeenDivided · 17/10/2022 15:28

I understand.

They have to send the letter, But I don't see why they couldn't put a cover note in saying 'we have to give you this, but we understand you are doing your best'

I had a similar discussion with school when my DD couldn't attend due to anxiety & depression. I don't know what the fab pastoral care lady did, but after the first letter I didn't get any more.

DailyMailHater · 17/10/2022 15:29

It could well be an automated letter some schools have them set up to go out as soon as attendance hits a certain point.

call and ask them.

Lindy2 · 17/10/2022 15:30

I think schools issue letters like that automatically when attendance gets below a certain %.

It's not acceptable though. In fact it's extremely poor. When they are aware of a sick child then letters like this should be prevented from being issued.

I hope your son feels better soon. As a child I too suffered badly with seasonal asthma every autumn and winter. In my late teens/20s though it improved massively. I hope the same happens for your son.

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 15:30

YABU. They're not annoyed at your sons health condition. They're communicating about his attendance. They're not the same thing.

reigatecastle · 17/10/2022 15:31

I have no idea why everyone thinks it's ok because it's "automated". it is not. Someone had to programme the system and someone prints the letter out and sends it.

Some common sense application would be welcome!

Mochachocolatte · 17/10/2022 15:32

I received one of these letters in July criticising my sons 60% attendance and detailing the severe detriment to his education.

I politely highlighted that given that they put him on a part time table of half days since the October after he started, I'm quite impressed he managed 60%.

Spikeyball · 17/10/2022 15:33

It will be an automatic letter based only on attendance so far this school year.

HighlandPony · 17/10/2022 15:34

It is an automatic letter. But still complain just be mindful that the person on the phone isn’t really the person that sent it.

We have similar situations here. They closed our village school and the kids are bused into town to school but that school is now over subscribed so we’ve got mums with multiple kids at multiple schools. Most of these mums work low paid jobs at night after their partners come in so the one family car is away during the day and they need to rely on public transport to get the ‘out of catchment’ kids to school because the school bus provided only covers the catchment school. They’ve had letters for attendance and lateness threatening them with social services, court, asbos the lot. It’s not fair. Nobody chose this like your son didn’t choose to be ill. So do complain. Hopefully the more of us that complain about these things changes it for parents and kids in the future.

OneDayAtATimePlease · 17/10/2022 15:35

It's an automated letter. Ours look like they're from the school but it's actually the LEA that sends them. I discovered this after my daughter missed an entire term from school because of a serious illness that I kept them fully informed about and queried the letter with the office.

Hope your son's asthma improves to a more controlled state soon, it must be so stressful to deal with.

SirChenjins · 17/10/2022 15:35

Go to war with them - I bloody would. If they are so incapable of communicating directly with parents who are obviously dealing with some very difficult and worrying health issues and choose instead to hide behind the ‘it’s an automatically generated letter’ then they need to look long and hard at their procedures.

mathanxiety · 17/10/2022 15:37

You're dealing with stupid jobsworths.

Send a blistering response in writing, including details of your son's condition, accounts of the two 999 calls and ambulance trips, and dozens of links to information on asthma.

AlternativelyWired · 17/10/2022 15:37

Our school has just updated the policy and wants copies of prescriptions as proof of illness. I'd be fuming too OP. I have bad asthma and know how scary it is-I hope your ds gets better soon.

lannistunut · 17/10/2022 15:39

It'll just be a standard letter but if complain, it is rude and unsupportive.

Afterfire · 17/10/2022 15:40

I think you’re understandably feeling worried and upset about your child so perhaps this has hit a nerve but honestly I wouldn’t give it a second thought, it’s an automated thing as others have said.

SirChenjins · 17/10/2022 15:42

Even if it’s centrally generated by the LA the school should pre-empt this by communicating directly with the parents to say ‘we apologise profusely, please ignore the letter you’ll receive’ or even better, notify the LA and tell them not to generate the letter. Systems can be overridden.

SirBlobby · 17/10/2022 15:42

As someone who works with many schools, and has to address the issue of attendance for some of the most vulnerable children (one small part of my role) sending in a scathing letter, thinking of people as 'stupid jobsworths' or going to war via email won't do anything.

Absolutely do call up school and ask to discuss it though. Sometimes the LA sends the letter automatically and the actual school has nothing to do with it!!! School staff are generally understanding when it comes to illness and other difficult circumstances.

mincen · 17/10/2022 15:42

The letters are automated but bloody stupid! I received one for my son last year-he had 5 schools days off with covid. He was fine after a couple of days but had to follow the rules and complete the isolation period!

DD's school also make a big thing out of attendance. Her class haven't had the 'award' yet because one little girl had major surgery and can't go back to school yet, another had time off for a tonsillectomy, one more had covid and was really poorly so off for 2 weeks, a handful had a tummy bug. All completely unavoidable but the whole class miss out on the 'award'. I just can't understand why schools have to make such a big deal.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 17/10/2022 15:43

Reminds me of when Dss's mum died. I called the school (student support) to let them know he would not be in. Next day the secretary called to say he was absent, I explained his mum had died so he wont be in, her next words...Will he be in tomorrow? Shock

To say I lost my shit is an understatement.

Wibbly1008 · 17/10/2022 15:44

Ignore it OP it’s a generic processed letter. We had one after DD had Scarlett fever and was in hospital, it’s crap, if kids are sick they sick.

aSpanielintheworks · 17/10/2022 15:45

It won't have come from the school it will have come from the LEA as soon as you hit their trigger point, although it's a shame the teacher that handed you the letter couldn't explain that, as they'd have known what it was?

londonrach · 17/10/2022 15:46

Yabu. It's an automatic letter.

Merryoldgoat · 17/10/2022 15:47

Everyone hides behind this automated letter bollocks.

Of course they can suppress the letter if they want to. I know they can because I told the headmistress if I get another one she can clean up my child’s vomit and shit (phrased differently of course) next time he’s ill.

Sickness is bad as ever but no letters.

Schools KNOW who the children with issues are and should concentrate their efforts there.

PAFMO · 17/10/2022 15:49

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 15:30

YABU. They're not annoyed at your sons health condition. They're communicating about his attendance. They're not the same thing.

This.
Poor attendance has to be documented SO the family can obtain the medical notes necessary (and further assistance if needed) and also to stop vulnerable children slipping through the net when the absence is because of shit parents being on smack and not sending them in.

You have the proof your son's absence is valid. No need to be livid.

girlmom21 · 17/10/2022 15:49

Merryoldgoat · 17/10/2022 15:47

Everyone hides behind this automated letter bollocks.

Of course they can suppress the letter if they want to. I know they can because I told the headmistress if I get another one she can clean up my child’s vomit and shit (phrased differently of course) next time he’s ill.

Sickness is bad as ever but no letters.

Schools KNOW who the children with issues are and should concentrate their efforts there.

But the receptionist isn't going to know which children are off sick and which children are playing truant.