Page 5 | How do you enjoy life with so many responsibilities?

Ontobetterthings · 16/10/2022 15:46

bingbummy · 16/10/2022 11:47

Anyone who isn't interpedently wealthy is financially dependent. I'm financially dependent on a man who loves me. You're financially dependent on an employer who couldn't give a crap about you past the end of your contract.

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Financially dependent on employer? I've heard it all now 🤣🤣

UserError012345 · 16/10/2022 16:57

Solidarity OP. Single mum here. Working full time & studying. I do all of it - washing, school runs, food shopping (delivered granted), packed lunches, homework, ferrying about etc etc the list goes on and on and on.

It's totally and utterly relentless.

I'm on the edge constantly. 😫

WishingWell5 · 16/10/2022 17:05

I also agree @bingbummy . But unfortunately most people can no longer do this because society, life and all the costs involved now mean that it isn't possible for one parent to stay at home, even if it's what they want to do. The cost of ensuring women can work if they want to is ending up to mean women have to work, even if they don't want to.
Are we better off? Open for debate. I agree with aspects of both sides.

You are doing marvellously. You aren't hopeless. It's just so hard.

JaninaDuszejko · 16/10/2022 17:08

I’m feeling a bit hopeless, had a horrible week at work, my partners been in surgery and diagnosed with liver disease

@Carfeulyay your partner is seriously ill and you are holding things together, of course you're not feeling much joy at the moment. Do you have friends or family nearby who could help with some practical or emotional support? You are having a hard time at the moment and it's OK to ask for some help.

Mary46 · 16/10/2022 17:29

God op thats hard going. We had years of chasing our tails unwell parents etc. Nightmare. Bit easier now. My kids are alot older now. Think that helps a bit.

squatjustice · 16/10/2022 17:39

The model of 1 person earns all the money and the other stays at home.....what happens if the main earner leaves / dies (life insurance I guess) or gets a chronic illness which means they can't work any more.....?? Or do people just hope it won't happen?

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/10/2022 17:41

squatjustice · 16/10/2022 17:39

The model of 1 person earns all the money and the other stays at home.....what happens if the main earner leaves / dies (life insurance I guess) or gets a chronic illness which means they can't work any more.....?? Or do people just hope it won't happen?

@squatjustice

They cross their fingers and convince themselves they are infallible because they have won the man lottery.

3WildOnes · 16/10/2022 17:53

squatjustice · 16/10/2022 17:39

The model of 1 person earns all the money and the other stays at home.....what happens if the main earner leaves / dies (life insurance I guess) or gets a chronic illness which means they can't work any more.....?? Or do people just hope it won't happen?

If my husband died then our life insurance would pay off the morgage and school fees. So I would be fine financially.
I work part time but if my husband left me then I would either struggle on my part time wage or increase my hours and still struggle. It would be shit either way. I couldnt really afford to live where we live now or if we did then we would need to move into a small flat. It wouldn't make much difference if I had been working full time all of these years as my wage would never be enough for us to carry on living the lifestyle we live now.

1jan2021 · 16/10/2022 17:57

Beancounter1 · 16/10/2022 13:35

This probably won't help the Op right now (sorry for your husband's illness OP), but one thing I would advise parents of young children to do is train them to pull their weight.
I was at lunch with a friend at her house, the 10 yr old boy started to stack plates when we had finished, and she said to him to stop, she would do that, he should go and play. Just why?

A five year old can put their laundry in a basket in their bedroom and put their plate by the sink after eating.
An eight year old can set the table, bring their laundry basket downstairs (if it is not too big), and sweep the kitchen floor.
A ten year old can put the washing machine on and run the vacuum round.
A twelve year old can do a sink full of washing up if you don't have a dishwasher.

None of this should be rewarded with money: you are expecting them to help the family and training them to be fully functioning adults.

It used to be (and still is in many countries) that an extra child was an extra worker from about the age of 7-8. Of course, I am not advocating for child labour in factories etc., but I think in many homes today we have swung too far in the opposite direction and children don't have enough responsibilities.

I agree with this - and you can actually start kids on very simple chores even earlier! My nephew (aged 2.5) will already help tidy up to an extent and put rubbish in the bin. He sees it as a fun activity.

elprup · 16/10/2022 18:01

WishingWell5 · 16/10/2022 17:05

I also agree @bingbummy . But unfortunately most people can no longer do this because society, life and all the costs involved now mean that it isn't possible for one parent to stay at home, even if it's what they want to do. The cost of ensuring women can work if they want to is ending up to mean women have to work, even if they don't want to.
Are we better off? Open for debate. I agree with aspects of both sides.

You are doing marvellously. You aren't hopeless. It's just so hard.

I agree with this too. I would love to be a SAHM and wish I didn't have to work, even though it's a job that I'm relatively passionate about. We need two incomes though to keep a roof over our heads. If I won the Lottery I'd drop my job in an instant to spend more time with my kids!

dottiedodah · 16/10/2022 18:04

BingBummy I agree with you .However many men dont seem to want to settle down at all ,let alone be sole provider.If your DH were to lose his job, or heaven forbid have an accident what would happen then? You are telling young modern women with a good education, the same as Mrs Bennett to "marry well" and set your sights on a man with good prospects. If your DD follows suit what happens if she doesnt win the" Lottery "with a husband and needs to work? I think you are painting a rosy picture here.Yes in your position many of us would perhaps try this .However many girls who have worked hard in their Careers dont want to be dependent on a man .Life in the 50s was no picnic for women either ,and my DGM when telling me later on of her neighbour whose arm was bruised "Oh her DH did that" Then no chance of getting out of DV then and the police often felt you should have been a "better" wife FFS!