To think somewhere down the line male friends either want to date you or sleep with you?

[MaleFriend]

I have started dating a male friend after he told me how he felt. I don't really have many close male friends but have had a few in the past over the years and thinking about it they have all either asked me out on a date or tried it on with me after a few drinks. This goes back to my late teens to my current dp. It doesn't really bother me but just got me thinking about the old adage that men can't really be friends with women.

What's other people's experiences ?
It would be interesting to hear from men and their perspective?

I agree I don't think men look on women friends as women friends, I think they look on them as women they haven't fucked yet.

My experiences are very different. I have male friends who are like brothers to me, always been platonic.

One of my male friends once told me exactly this. That all men would sleep with their female friends if they got the chance (he meant both single for him but other men not so fussy about that part...)

Same here, and Very egotistical to think that way! My closest male friend is absolutely devoted to and besotted with his wife. I’d be really upset to think he was anything other than that way

What a load of bollocks. I have more male friends than female ones and we have never been romantically or sexually attracted to each other ever.

Men and women are capable of being friends.

I'm living proof that you can have male friends who don't want to sleep with you. Could it be that because you don't really cultivate male friendships, the only ones that you become friends with are those that actively chase you?

Given you're dating your friend, doesn't your post also show that women see their male friends as men they want to sleep/date with though?

Personally I have 4-5 close male friends since school (25yrs) never been propositioned or had anything other than a platonic, sibling like relationship with any of them.

Not true as a generalisation.

I just spent an evening with my best male friend and had a lovely time. I'm absolutely 💯 certain that he has zero interest in me sexually.

Same here, and Very egotistical to think that way!

It's happened so many times over the years. I'm autistic and didn't realise until very recently how vulnerable that made me. If I had known I would have understood this and been able to protect myself. As it happens I was lost, masking, desperately trying to fit in and when I look back in it now, an obvious target for predatory men.

There is no egotistical element involved.

Well, I agree, not talking about couples who socialise as couples. They're kind of friendships of convenience, and if the couple splits up, you friend's x is not your ''friend''. So in my opinion you're almost always right.

A lot of women swear blind that they have ten male friends and that's nothing to do with how pretty they are.

Some men are a bit thick and will hover in the background for a decade before they meet somebody who they makes them forget.

I've always been average looking, not ugly, attractive but not exceptional, and funnily enough there was no queue of men trying to be my friend. Like you say, if I wasn't interested they disappeared soon enough. A few times I was and something happened.

Even if I joined a motorbike club I'd probably still make friends with the one or two other women and the men would chat to me but they wouldn't be like, taking my number, and socialising outside of the motorbike circle.

I'm not shy, I don't hog the conversation, I can talk to men, I'm friendly with men at work, and was at my last job. I wonder if some women would call that 'friends'. I didn't.

To the Women saying not happened to me.

Doesn't mean it won't happen at some point in the future.

I speak from experience unfortunately.

Normally alcohol involved,on the man's part.

I don’t really have male friends anymore, not ones that I hang around with regularly (I have one male friend who lives miles away and I get to see him a couple of times a year).

All the male friends I had when I was younger (early twenties through to mid), all confessed feelings or it was apparent that they definitely wanted more than just friendship. Every single one. This included ones I’d known for a few years plus any I made along the way.

I think I tended to avoid make friendships after that, even though I enjoy the company of men - I became wary of what their expectations were.

My best friend is male, we’ve known each other since we were 13, it’s always been platonic. I do know, however that his type is short, brunette women which I am not at all. His wife and I get on really well.

Surely this goes both ways though? I have very few male friends I wouldn't date/fuck.

I have had this in reverse though. I maintained a friendship with a man for years because we worked together decades ago and then were flatmates for a while too. We did know each other very well and I suppose there was a bit of a frisson there on my side. I would contact him and we'd meet up and go out once a year. I did that for about 20 years. He's always single like me! I never tried to make anything happen. Then one day I thought, why am I bothering? Let me see if he bothers. And no! he didn't bother. Even though we always chatted easily and had a good laugh when we met up.

not if you’re fat and ugly like me 🤷‍♀️

I'm not shy, I don't hog the conversation, I can talk to men, I'm friendly with men at work, and was at my last job. I wonder if some women would call that 'friends'. I didn't.

Not really.

One of my best male friends is a guy I used to houseshare with. We regularly stay at each other's houses and go out for drinks etc. We've been down to stay with my sister. Just similar stuff I do with my female friends.

We'd never date each other as we want totally different things in a partner. He wants a girl who will sit and play videogames with him like his previous gf's did. I want a guy who will get up early and go for a walk. But we have enough common interests to be friends.

I would have disagreed with you until I broke up with my partner and two male friends immediately made plays for me. One was like my brother and I was truly devastated, I had known him for years.

Ugh this. I hate it so much.

Most recently I became friendly with a neighbour. I know he used to hang out/have beers with our old (male) neighbour before he moved away. This neighbour invited me to do the same, we text chatted quite a bit etc, took in parcels as neighbours do...

But I got the occasional "vibe" the friendship wasn't genuine iyswim. So even though I'm single I said I'm having a haircut before a date...

Things got awkward quickly, he said oh I was going to ask you out but can't now...

And poof, disappeared. No more text chats, no more offers of hanging out with a beer. Once the chance of getting laid was off the table, the "friendship" was gone. But if I'd been a bloke we could have hung out exactly the same.

I find it so offensive, like I'm reduced to just a hole for a bloke to stick his dick in and they don't like me for me.

I've had male friends of both types - those who were "hoping" and those who weren't. Currently my best male friend is someone who would probably make a perfect partner for me, if it wasn't for the fact that neither of us fancies the other in any way at all; I look on him more like a brother.

I've had a string of male close mates over the years and the majority have been just that, mates. Yes there's been a couple of friendships that have had attached benefits, but most don't.

I have a number of long standing close male friends. Two of which I have been best friends for decades with. The relationships have been the best supportive friendships and have always been entirely platonic. It’s completely possible to have platonic friends both male and female.

But your dating him too it's not one sided is it ?

Yes. If you're attractive. If they can imagine that maybe they have a chance with you.

And if you're super attractive and way out of their league they'll settle for the social validation of being your friend. Other women may be impressed that he is your friend.

Have witnessed men hanging around beautiful women and they don't go in their after a drink and try their luck. They know there's no chance. With a more average looking woman, they'll try their luck at some point.

I'm single though so I never had that friendships through partners thing. That must be nice. No wondering ''if I never bothered to contact them would they bother''. Just a friend of your partner. Or your friend's bf. Sounds so easy.

Every part of me wants to say 'of course men and women can be friends without attraction' - but my experience is the complete opposite. Been blindsided by declarations of love after years of what I have thought of as platonic friendship.

Lots of women will have different experiences I'm sure. But in my world, including my circles, it doesn't happen; one person would always take it further given the choice. The caveat to this is when there is a shared hobby - when the focus of the relationship is consumed by something else other than the individuals and their friendship.