To think somewhere down the line male friends either want to date you or sleep with you?

[MaleFriend]

I have started dating a male friend after he told me how he felt. I don't really have many close male friends but have had a few in the past over the years and thinking about it they have all either asked me out on a date or tried it on with me after a few drinks. This goes back to my late teens to my current dp. It doesn't really bother me but just got me thinking about the old adage that men can't really be friends with women.

What's other people's experiences ?
It would be interesting to hear from men and their perspective?

I have one very good female friend that I have known for decades. Never crossed the line.

Having said that all of my other friends are male although over the years I have had female work colleagues who I enjoyed spending time with

YABU

its always a bit sad when grown adults on here seem to think their experience is universal, which often comes with posts like this.

I have plenty of platonic male friendships, DH has more female than male friends as well. I’ve never had one male friend cross the line with me, or even show any signs of interest, and it’s quite easy to tell.

This is common in my friend and acquaintance circle.

But either way his/her experience is irrelevant.

I have a male friend I am certain doesn't fancy me and we get on well. But I also married my male best friend 😂

I had a male friend who no longer talks to me because he assumed when I was ready to settle down and get married it would be with him and he got offended I picked a newer male friend over him. I had literally never once indicated I would be open to a relationship with him but he got aggressively angry at me when I got engaged.

Have had many male friends in my life and at some point pretty much all of them have wanted to date me. I’ve given up on it tbh.

They don't always, but it isn't uncommon either.

What a vile perspective. Its the same MN trope about all men use porn- that's equally unverifiable guff

I have 3 male friends who have been in my life for a long time, all in relationships/ married and none of them are hanging around in case the opportunity arises.

We get on well and have similar shared values and enjoy each other's company. That's far more important and life enhancing, but hey it's easier to use lazy generalisation and minimise human relationships

Men and women cannot be friends, it’s normally the man that has ulterior (sexual) motives, there is no equal balance in the friendship.

I have a male friend and we are just friends. He is lovely and good looking but there is no spark and hasn’t been any moments of ‘oohhh’ in the 5 years we’ve known each other. We know deep secrets of each other than only a couple of other people know. We’re friends. That’s all.

How sad to live your life genuinely believing this crap

I have 3 male friends who have been in my life for a long time, all in relationships/ married and none of them are hanging around in case the opportunity arises.

We get on well and have similar shared values and enjoy each other's company. That's far more important and life enhancing, but hey it's easier to use lazy generalisation and minimise human

It's interesting that you are using your experience of 3 to tell people who have different experiences that they are generalising.

Maybe other peoples experiences are just as valid as your own. I was always been a target for predatory men, I never met genuine friends of any kind though due to my autism.

Friends or acquaintances? I've only had two male friends where I was close enough to go on holiday with or spend prolonged one to one time with, everyone else that I am that close to is female. I have male friends that I would go for a drink with, spend time chatting with or go to a concert but not spend so much time with, I would call them acquaintances.

One male friend and I thought we had so much in common that we may as well give it a go, urgh it was like kissing my brother we soon put a stop to that. But when he got married the friendship dwindled as his wife was uncomfortable. The other friend we had a moment where it was step up or step back and I was already in a relationship, so I stepped back.

I am always amazed how many male friends / acquaintances ask a woman out after her relationship ends.

"I've always been average looking, not ugly, attractive but not exceptional, and funnily enough there was no queue of men trying to be my friend. Like you say, if I wasn't interested they disappeared soon enough. A few times I was and something happened."

I'm quite ugly and I've always had male friends because I sometimes find it easier to chat to men. I don't particularly prefer male friendship and when I had mainly male friends I really missed having women to talk to, but it's the way it works sometimes. I have brothers and no sisters and at one point was just more used to talking to men.
There have been one or two friendships that started with interest from the man, but obviously that changed and the man didn't disappear.

I've obviously known of friendships where one person secretly carries a torch for the other, but it happens with both men and women.

"I'm single though so I never had that friendships through partners thing. That must be nice. No wondering ''if I never bothered to contact them would they bother''. Just a friend of your partner. Or your friend's bf. Sounds so easy."

That sounds awful to me. What's the chances I'd really click with the girlfriend of my imaginary boyfriend's friend? And those friendships fall off when the relationship ends so you could be left dumped AND friendless.
I also don't like couples who drop their single friends and only hang out with other couples.

I think it's 50/50

Your friend can't really speak about all men.
However, I think many men would sleep with (almost) ANY woman if given the chance so it's not even really to do with being friends.

Put it this way, I never dated a stranger !.

I don't know if you need to blame the OP.
Some people can have platonic friends and some can't. Some people will try their luck, but some won't. Depends on the friend as much as the OP.

I've found the OP's experience depressingly true for me. Lots of male friends, many of whom have tried to take things further. As examples: multiple colleagues of XH I was friends with, several work colleagues, husbands of female friends, friends I knew from shared interests. It's pretty depressing really.

There's one person who will always be my dearest male friend - my late best friend's husband and I trust him completely.

I think old people can still lust after each other!

Hahaha yeah sounds about right 😂

I used to be in the camp of absolutely not of course you can be friends with men but after recently having a male friend come onto me after ten years of friendship in the worst kind of way I can't help think that most are waiting for that crack in the door.

"my only 100% platonic relationships with men have been with gay men or family members. I don't know why this might be. As I say it isn't down to my good looks. Maybe they think I'm easy 🤣. I'm actually not at all fwiw, but perhaps I give out that vibe?"

I think you must be more attractive than you think. Propositions by colleagues must be rarer now than they were a few years ago as some people start to see them as inappropriate and yet you got two at the same time.

As for who can have platonic friendships with the opposite sex, I've noticed that among the people I know women with not much contact with boys in childhood (eg girls' school and/or no brothers) seem to see men as potential love interests only.

Yes some men will start out as friends hoping for more or initially wanting to be just friends and then developing sexual/romantic feelings. But this is the same for straight women pursuing friendships with men as well.

And none of this means that all straight men who become friends with women only do so to try and fuck them.

That’s a very Victorian view of things and often trotted out as the deep reason why married women can’t have male friends or married men can’t have female friends.

@Discovereads - it is also the thought that drives some societies to treat women appallingly and shut them away