To think somewhere down the line male friends either want to date you or sleep with you?

[MaleFriend]

I have started dating a male friend after he told me how he felt. I don't really have many close male friends but have had a few in the past over the years and thinking about it they have all either asked me out on a date or tried it on with me after a few drinks. This goes back to my late teens to my current dp. It doesn't really bother me but just got me thinking about the old adage that men can't really be friends with women.

What's other people's experiences ?
It would be interesting to hear from men and their perspective?

I disagree. Two very close male friends spring to mind. One is very happily married and has never had any interest in me in a romantic or sexual way, he’s just a lovely person who shares interests and activities with me.
The second was single and was probably my closest friend, he died recently and I’m missing his friendship immensely.
i’m either physically repulsive to attractive men (both are gorgeous) or they genuinely value my friendship.

Yes, that is very true.

What utter tripe. When we were asked by somebody if we were ever going to "be together" both me and male friend looked at each other, burst into laughter and he said "no chance mate, she doesn't do it for me and I don't do it for her. Never gonna happen". Neither me or him could have been clearer that our friendship would remain just that.

I'd love to have more male friends who don't regard things in that way but I only really have 2. One I actually dated, but we weren't a good fit. We're now like brother and sister. No sexual tension at all, he is one of the most loyal friends i have. The other, there has been zero sexual interest at all and I don't think ever would be. I had a wonderful friend from school who was totally platonic but we've lost touch since he married.

To be honest, I think all other male friends have expressed an interest at some point (unless gay, of course). This has been of varying degrees- some just going in for a drunk snog, some having clearly said whatever they needed to say to hamg around in the hopes of a shag, some declaring their love.

I have to say I sort of agree, with the exceptions of friends that you've met through your partner, or people that you just really don't find attractive but get along with.

I had a guy friend who I ended up getting drunk and kissing when I was younger and DH also had a couple of friends where stuff had happened with them before he met me. And one of them really didn't like me either, obviously jealous. But I just killed her with kindness and she's long gone now.

Yes my experience too. I have never had a genuine male friend. It has spoilt many friendships over the years when I haven’t responded when they made a pass.

the issue is, those who don’t see how men and women can be friends generalise and state ‘men can’t be friends with women and not be interested sexually’

Whereas most with male friends can 100% understand many men do want to have sex with their female friends, but not all, and they are examples of that

one group in this debate generalises, the other does not.

I think it is mostly true but I do have one 20+ year friendship with a man I met at work. It is still going strong even though we don't live near each other any more. We still have regular contact about interests and have a laugh together but I am confident that it isnt romantic on either side.

Some do, some don’t. I’ve got more make friends than female friends. I’ve slept with a fair few of them, some of them initiated it, some I did but some of them I don’t think realise I’m a woman a lot of the time. When we were growing up I was always with them more than the girls and I think as we hit puberty they noticed other girls but I was still one of them

I've had male friends who like to keep me as an option for attention/flirting and maybe sex, not necessarily because they were in love with me.

I have a male friend of 6 years; we meet every weekend and occasionally go out in the evenings.
We are JUST friends, there is NO attraction at all from either side we have talked about this.
I would say to even think about more with him would be a 😬and vice versa

I think it depends on the man. I have lots of male friends within my friendship group from school, we’ve all been friends over 20 years. One of those male friends had slept with several of the women within the group and in his case I think it’s true that, given the chance, he would sleep with any one of us again.

But the other men haven’t ever slept or been intimate with any of us and I don’t think they would be, a couple of them in particular are like brothers to me and there have been lots of opportunities over the years where we could have been intimate, including bed sharing, drinking alone together etc, where nothing has ever happened and where there’s never been any indication that anything might.

And you think women are completely innocent, vulnerable and ready to be taken advantage of

I think it’s entirely possible when you are both happily married to other people. But when both parties are single, it does seem to be difficult to have a genuinely close friendship, where the boundaries don’t get blurred.

I think, given half the chance, most men would sleep with any woman. But I don't think that's the reason they are friends with their female friends. They just wouldn't say no if they were given the opportunity.

From about 16 to 25 years what I considered male friendships, that ended when either they got a girlfriend/ I had a boyfriend, others I gradually noticed just hadn’t asked me out.

Then I married one of my best male friends, moved away.

Only one real male friend that I kept in touch with for past 22 years. We would meet sometimes, sometimes with other mutual friends, discussed relationships at times, common interests, friends in common, never a hint of anything inappropriate to a platonic friendship.

Then over 12 months ago had one time he made a comment and I thought I’d picked him up wrong. Then met another time with mutual friends and he was different and made a “pass” at the end of the night, I made it clear no and put it down to him being drunk. I didn’t contact him then for months until a night out with mutual friends. He then told me he harboured feeling (always had a bit) and had booked a hotel room.
I haven’t spoke to him since and probably never will.

I have males I am friendly with - neighbours, I do a sport that is male dominated, partners of friends, work colleagues. I’d never develop a real friendship though as I’d always wonder when they are going to reveal their sex intention, or also (which I admit is a bit twisted) what is the reason they are not. I have probably over analysed this but why did my longstanding friend try to have an affair? Why now? Doesn’t care about our friendship anymore? Thinks got to have a go now?

On the other hand I married my friend and has been basis of great marriage so far. Glad he has no female friends 🤷‍♀️

I love all the women saying "well I have a male friend who hasn't crossed the line"...

There's huge a difference between haven't crossed the line because the right opportunity never presented itself/unavailable vibes" and not interested

But you're dating him so you must have felt similar when you were 'just' friends? I don't understand your issue.

Many men would date their female friends given the chance. Many women date male friends when the opportunity arises, as you have shown.

I’m not a flirtatious person, if anything I’m a bit socially awkward/borderline nerdy, if that is relevant.
Maybe then men previously have had no success trying to ‘chat me up’ unknown to me and we’ve ended up just friendly? I don’t know! But I now honestly don’t think I have ever had a friendship with a heterosexual man that doesn’t have sexual undercurrent.

Thank God for women.

most friendships are based on some sort of attraction, even casual acquaintances.

I have never seen a platonic situation where one of the friends isn't 'in love' with the other.

I think there can be instances where one or both sides realise they have/ develop feelings (Meera Syal and Sanjeev Bhaskar being a happy example) but I've got male friends of decades standing where it is genuine platonic friendship and will never be anything else.

I disagree. I have five very close male friends who I've known for 30odd years. I knew them before I met my (now ex) husband and they met their wives.
They were all ushers at our wedding and we are all still friends.
One did try to smog me once about 25yrs ago but he was very drunk and didn't remember the next day! I do still wind him up about it. I'm godmother to two of the men's children, now late teens/twenties and good friends with their wives.
I did a speech at one of their Dad's funeral when he sadly recently passed.

Its not the most popular view in the world, but I think it largely depends on how attractive you are.
If you're the sort of woman who a lot of men are attracted to, it ups the odds that your male friends will be attracted to you too. That's not to say they don't value you as a friend, but if they like you and you're good looking, you can see how easily that develops to attraction.
Being attractive also increases your chances of being fake befriended by men because they see it as a way to more, so you may get a skewed perspective on it because you're targeted a lot.

Its not the most popular view in the world, but I think it largely depends on how attractive you are.

Swap attractive for vulnerable.

You either have a very low opinion of men or a very high opinion of yourself.